Could I be gay?

umm.. well you sound like you've made up your mind about what you are but have you considered bi with a preference to women?

 

I guess, like I'm with a guy now but I'm usually into other girls.

 

I get what you mean, when I realized I was mostly into other girls and not as much for guys I felt pretty heinous. It took me awhile to accept it but once I realized I shouldn't hate myself even if I did, so I think you should try and do the same, like you shouldn't mind if you were either since you're still you. Although I'm still a closet case since I'm still not comfortable telling that to people I know so I've only been with guys. My boyfriend's so clueless God bless him.

 

No I'm saying you shouldn't feel anxious if you were either straight or gay, I'm just saying accept yourself for whatever you are.

 

I'm glad you figured out who you are. I thought you were just feeling anxiety because of your brief moments of curiosity so I'm sorry for misunderstanding.

 

You're right the thoughts don't define you since they're just thoughts, but do you think that you're obsessing over them due to lack of acceptance of it, I don't mean for you're sexuality but for the whole subject of homosexuality, like I was raised Catholic so I thought it was wrong before so it kinda like conflicted my mind cause I didn't want to like both guys and girls since I only wanted to like guys. Since I accepted the whole demisexuality thing where you only feel an attraction for anyone you have a strong emotional connection with I don't think about it so much. In your case, maybe you only think about it since you haven't accepted the concept?

 

You should not worry about it. A LOT of people are mostly one way but have some thoughts toward the other. So? It's pointless to get so upset over it. Those thoughts will either go away in time (especially if you're a teenager they might), or they might stay with you. They are harmless either way!

If they're infrequent, you have the luxury of either enjoying them or not acting on them and possibly even ignore them. But you can't get so stressed. It's not like overcoming obsessions like counting or washing your hands etc. You have no control over it.

 

I don't think anyone's saying that, and they're also not saying you can't be straight.
I suffered from OCD and anxiety myself, and I know people (young, old, and in-between) who have Asperger's as well, so I think I can say that I understand what you're going through.

You're probably going to worry about this no matter what anyone says, but at some point, you're going to figure this out. Until then, as mentioned above, your thoughts are just thoughts. I'm guessing that some homophobia is due to people having occasional thoughts about same-sex attraction and recoiling against them. Doesn't make them gay. I don't think that's you, but just sayin'

As for porn, ever watch gay porn? Does it turn you on? No? Then try to stop worrying. When you watch straight porn, do you look at the guy more than the girl? No? Then try to stop worrying.

 

You sound like you really want somebody to tell you what you're feeling. Thing is, we can't. Nobody can decide what you are but yourself, and it's yourself you should be asking about whether you are or not gay. If you don't want to think about gay sexuality or anything of the sort, then don't. You're the only person here who can get inside your mind. When you start thinking about it, find something to distract yourself with. It's hard work, but it can be done if it bothers you THAT much.

Don't misunderstand, though, I don't think these thoughts are necessarily bad. Personally, I have a lot of gay thoughts, but I swing the 'womanly' way. And I'm okay with that.

Having these thoughts doesn't make you any less manly or whatever. You sound quite frightened of feeling gay, but what exactly is that supposed to feel like? Contrary to the stereotypes, many gay men present themselves with ordainairy masculinity. They're still guys, they just like other guys. Sometimes they take the opportunity to embrace some feminnity, which as we all know, can be very looked down upon in some communities. Whatever. I'm still me, you're still you, and we all have other interests besides what we identify ourselves as. Some people like sports. I like video games and cooking and puppies.

I guess what I'm getting at is that if there is or isn't any deeper meaning about why you're having these thoughts, is it making a difference? Gay thoughts or not, you're still you and I'd guess probably not about to transform into a raging rainbow of man-loving unicorn soup. You get to decide who you are, and it really sounds like you've already decided.

Sometimes I think about scenes from horror movies and scare the shit out of myself. I don't want these thoughts, but it doesn't make me an axe-murderer.

 

You sound more panicked than gay, IMO. Relax, everything's gonna be fine and you won't be stuck with men your whole life.