A couple weeks ago I was severely depressed and wanting to kill myself. It actually started back in early December, but things started to spiral out of control with how my family reacted to me coming out. I'm getting better, I'm on medication and for the first time in two weeks I've been up and doing things, even went out to eat. The thing is, I'm really, really, fucking angry. I'm angry at the people I love who didn't support me at all, and the ones who said horrific things to me. I just want to lash out at everyone I trusted who threw me under the bus. I want to be bluntly honest and combative. I want to tell everyone about all the pain and illness I've been hiding in shame; I want to throw it in their face and dare them to disrespect me again. What are the pros and cons of being bluntly honest about everything you are and keeping things private? Will I regret using anger to get over being the quiet, sweet, one? I'm tired of letting people walk all over me, I'm tired of lame excuses for not going places/doing things. I'm already the black sheep, why not be the crazy bitch too? No one takes my thoughts and feelings seriously anyway, who cares if they know my brain is sick so they can cast everything I am as invalid because of it? Fuck them. Are you bluntly honest about things or do you value your privacy a lot? I don't know, I guess I was taught to be ashamed of myself and keep everything inside and now I feel like I'm going to explode. I know everyone says you'll regret doing things out of anger, but I can't seem to get over this and I think I might as well use it to break down the wall of fear and shame I've built between myself and everyone else.
There are good reasons and bad reasons, "right" and "wrong" reasons, for being honest with people. Especially when the honesty is less about just not lying, and more about coming clean with things that you've already been hiding. From your post, it sounds like being "honest" at this point wouldn't lead to good happy results. Because you wouldn't be doing it to get good happy results. You want to "be honest" because you want something to throw at the people who hurt you, want to get back at them for making you feel that way, etc. That's not the right reason to be honest. That's not being honest, that's being spiteful. It's never a good idea to keep everything bottled up inside... Eventually, as you said, it will feel like you're about to explode. Internalizing the anger/fear/hurt/frustration/etc can make everything a lot harder, because you are hurting but no one realizes it, and the more you hurt-and-hide the harder it gets to hide it but the more you feel like you should... Horrible cycle to be in, I know. Is there a professional you can talk to, a therapist or counselor or someone? In my experience, it's sometimes possible to get all of those pent-up feelings out during sessions, go ahead and say exactly what you think, brutal honesty.... You get it all out and hopefully feel a little better, and people don't get hurt, bridges don't get burned, by spewing anger at the actual person. (Now I'm not saying you shouldn't be angry at these people, I definitely understand what you mean. But the best way to approach *that* would be on even ground, calm and not combative. The truth is, most people aren't going to truly listen, or change their minds/opinons/etc, when things are being said in anger.)
Im so sorry your really really fucking angry:bang: . I know why you said fuck your family but u have every right to say that they stabbed u in the back when u needed then most. That's not what family does. That was utter an complete horse shit and I'm very sorry that happened to u (*hug*) . Also u don't need to become a crazy bitch. Your gonna break free from all this negative energy bull shit and be on to bigger and better things
