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how should i tell my mom i'm a lesbian...

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by purples, Jan 29, 2014.

  1. purples

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    I really want to tell my mom I like women but I'm not sure how to tell her. I'm afraid of her reaction because she is a very, very conservative person. I just want to be able to tell her the truth about what's going on in my life. I hate having to lie to her all the time. any advice on how to bring it up?
     
  2. katwat

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    Hi Purples

    Sorry no one has replied sooner. I just found your post a moment ago.

    I am gonna ask a bunch of questions to help get ideas on how to answer.

    First how old are you? Do you still live at home? Are you financially dependent on your parents? You say your mom is conservative, does this mean she has stated that she is definitely anti-LGBT or do you just mean she leans conservative in most things so you are afraid she will be anti-LGBT? Can you generally talk to her about other important issues? Does she support you in other areas of your life, like encourage you in your hobbies/interests/etc? Do you have a good relationship with her?

    With a bit more info I am sure you will get more people giving more specific advice. In the meantime I will pass on some of the general advice I have seen given to others with similar issues.

    A lot of younger people, people who are still living at home, and people who are dependent financially on their parents have the fear that if their parents are against LGBT people then they might get kicked out or have a horrible time living in their parent's home after the discussion. If that is your situation you might want to consider
    opening the subject of LGBT issues in general to see her response to other people who are LGBT. If she is okay with that then you will have more confidence in talking about yourself with her. If she is generally opposed to LGBT people you will know that you will have a tougher time when you are ready to tell her about yourself. If it looks like it would be a rough issue then you might want to hold off (I know it is not fair to you to have to hide yourself from your own parent) until you are not dependent on her before you have that talk.

    If you are already independent then it would be a matter of what kind of relationship you have with her. If she is hard to talk to then think of all the other important things you have ever talked to her about. What at the situations that make conversations with her easier. Is it better to approach her alone in a quiet place where she can be relaxed and focused solely on your conversation or is it better to talk in a public place so she is less likely to overreact and get loud because of having other people around.

    When you are ready to talk to her, when you have figured out the circumstances that would make the conversation easier, then my advice would be to just be honest. Say something like "Mom, I love you and I have something I want to tell you." After that just tell her your truth. I am. I feel. I think.

    Hopefully all will go well and you will get the love and support you deserve.

    While you are waiting for other people to post some advice why don't you pop around to other peoples posts? There are some incredible coming out stories on here. You might get some ideas that will help you.

    Good luck to you.
     
  3. stocking

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    I have the same problem and I too am wondering how to tell my mom I'm a lesbian sometimes I think I don't want to ever tell my mom or my family and just keep that part of my life separate from her but be open with everyone else because I know she can't handle it and will lash out at me . I think If I do tell I wait til I move out .
    that's my plan but i'm the fence about this I'm sorry I can't be any help .
     
  4. flymetothemoon

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    One suggestion if you feel you are ready to tell your mom but you aren't sure of her reaction is to write her a letter. If you write it down and leave it for her somewhere where you know she will see it, you can give her time to process what she reads before she responds, and it also means you won't have the opportunity to get nervous and decide not to do it once the letter is left.
     
  5. Andrew99

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    Just go up to her in her room and say mom im gay always have been ok? Then I would walk out and wait for her to come to u
     
  6. Yosia

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    Say you want to speak to her and say its really important and then tell her, make sure that you keep mentioning that you dont want her to see you any differently and that you are still the same.. An example of a conversation:

    "Mum, i have something which has become too much to keep myself"
    "Hmmm, what is it?"
    "I really hope you support me in this as i need as much support as i can get" (making her think that its something really tough)
    "Mum... I am romantically and sexually attracted to girls.."

    If you do it calmlyand making her think you thought it through instead of blurting it out then she will more than likely accept you ~