What does this mean? what should I do?

Heya, so I’m a gay male sophomore in college in need of some advice. At the end of November I had been with this guy for about a month. The guy identifies as bi, and I had been the first guy he had been with. We were both into it, however during the last week, I started to notice some disinterest. We talked and it came out that he’s more into just occasionally hooking up and remaining friends, while I'm looking for something more serious. He said he still finds me attractive and offered the hookup card, to which I refused immediately as never being able to do and handle. He then mentioned us being good acquaintances, before settling on how, “our friend groups don't really intersect at all.” To me that sounded like he just wanted space, to which I responded accordingly.

Things passed for a couple weeks and before winter break I shot him a message just saying hi, and in short recognizing the elephant in the room, which was how awkward everything still felt. Asking platonic questions, etc. He responded that he didn’t feel any awkwardness etc, which kinda pissed me off to be honest. He offered to talk to me about it in a way that felt very…I don't know… condescending. We ended the convo.

Since then, I’ve still not gotten over him completely. Things ended on a bit of a stalemate, and I still have a lot of complicated emotions towards him. Hell, I probably wouldn’t mind getting back together with him if and when he’s ready for something more. I’m working on letting go; however there have been numerous times now that I start to get the feeling that he would want something more and I don't know what to do. Mixed signals to be honest. Such as:

Asking how I am occasionally. I’ll say something like “fine thx,” and he’ll respond along the lines of “what? Not fantastic?” Then say something about how awesome he’s doing.

Maintaining eye contact from a distance, or glancing at each other right before I(we) leave when I think he cant see. (we’ve caught each other doing this.)

And finally, when I pass him on the way to class, I’ll say hi, and he’ll occasionally say hi softly or just not say hello, but sorta nod and not break eye contact.

I’ve never been through a break like this and would love some advice on what to do/ how to continue. I’m still at the state where the idea of him being with someone else drives me crazy. I’m really starting to wonder if I could do something casual with him like cuddle buddies or whatnot, but I’m scared. I’ve got no idea where he’s coming from.

Thank you!

 

Hey thanks guys. I've decided to write him a letter of sorts and put it in his mailbox here on campus. Any suggestions? here's what i have going so far:

Hey (name),
How’re you? I debated for a while how to go about this, and decided to just put it forth in letter form. Sometimes writing can be more succinct and direct than spoken word (not that I’m against talking, far from it!) I honestly wasn’t sure how to approach you in person about this. It’s been a while since we broke off what we had going, which I completely understand and accept at this phase of my life and development. Just like anything in life, people evolve and change, as do emotions, etc. To get straight to the meat of the subject, I’m at the point where I’m still pretty interested in you. You originally offered an occasional hookup/cuddle buddy card, and I was wondering where you stood on that offer and if it was still open. I’m looking to try and expand my own comfort zones around more casual interactions and thought I’d drop you a line. It seemed to me from that night that you were in the same boat to some degree.
My big question to you aside from whether or not you’d be into this is where you’re coming from after knowing all this. What are your reactions towards this/what are your emotions on this subject and towards me? I feel like I haven’t been able to get a good gauge on where you stand with me, even on a purely platonic level. I’m totally fine with whatever you decide, even if it’s to refuse. I just ask you to please be blatantly open with me about it. You had given the impression to me before when we went our separate ways that you wanted a lot of space, which is completely valid for you to feel. If that’s the case, I hope I fulfilled that. If not, drop a line, through whatever means you feel inspired by. If you could respond with a week or so that would be great! Thanks!

Best,
(me!)

should I just email this to him or is a letter better? (I might write it up). to be honest, I'm kinda nervous about it all. After all, if he does accept, it might not work out for me emotionally. anyway, I'm just rambling now.

Thank You!