I'm just going to cut things short and go straight to what's bothering me. Now that I've accepted that I'm gay, I'm going through a very hard time. Like i feel really depressed, I don't want to go outside or anything, i just want to stay at home and lie curled up in my bed and cry (which is exactly what I do nowadays) . Being gay is really hurting me, I know that I can never come out with it and I know deep down inside that I'm going to hell cause of it. I've read a lot of articles on how being gay doesn't count as a sin and stuff but I just know that its wrong and sinful and all the other bad stuff. My mom and entire family are very strong Christians and if they ever hear a single word of me being gay, they'll.... I'm not even sure what they'll do to me but I know it wont be good. I just can't see the good in life anymore, i just want to die to be honest. Being gay is really hurting me, I'm supposed to have felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders by now but all I feel is pain. I just can't see my purpose in life again, I just want everything to end. I want to die. I guess what my question is that have any of you guys ever felt this way? Is this what all gay people go through? How can I get better? ---------- Post added 3rd Feb 2014 at 10:25 PM ---------- sorry for the "being gay is really hurting me" repeat
It always breaks my heart to see how much pain religion can inflict on people. To make it clear: I am not suggesting you should abandon your religion. I want to give you another perspective. There are many other religions in the world. I am sure that there are some where doesn't matter if a person is gay or not (Buddhism maybe?). From your point of view: do you think that gay Buddhists will go to hell too? Or maybe all Buddhists because they are not Christians? Maybe you are doing something that is forbidden by another religion. Will you be punished for those sins too after your death? I believe that any religion is there to HELP us to be better people. NOT to punish us if we are not the same as the others. To be a better person means, in any religion, to help people, to make someone's life nicer, to not be selfish. Try to see your religion as your guidance to being better. Your being or not being gay will not help anyone. It doesn't make you a better person to be heterosexual. I don't believe God will see your parents to be better people if they abandon you. God doesn't want to create an army where everyone has to behave and look the same. As I understand it God wants us to be better and the world to be a better place for living. Kicking kids out of the house does not mean you are a better Christian or a person. You said you didn't see the purpose of your life anymore. What was it before you came out to yourself? (*hug*)
Well it's good to hear that you've accepted that you're gay! Baby steps, y'know? However the whole family-religion thing can definitely become a problem if not treated properly. Are you 100% sure that they are Homophobic? If not then simply ask questions such as, "Do you support Gay Marriage?" or, "Do you agree with [president candidate]'s view on Gay equality?" Coming out isn't even a necessity. Make sure you want to come out to your immediate family before you begin worrying about their opinions. If it is easier, find a more understanding friend or extended family member to come out to first as I doubt with people behind you they could really do anything terribly damaging. If you're just coming to terms with who you are, you really don't need to fret over any of this right now- not to say you should procrastinate about it either, but prioritize and think about how important it is for you to tell your immediate family. As for this "everything to end" "I want to die" attitude, I know where you are coming from, but you need to snap out of that mindset, as hard as it might be. What about being gay is hurting you? Is it how others will view you, how this will effect your life? The LGBT community has it hard, that's why you don't hear anything about Heterosexual Pride As for your questions of: "Does everyone go through this?/Have any of you felt like this?" Don't be silly, it is similar to the Kubler-Ross model. Whereas I doubt "every" LGBT person has gone through this, I would say a majority have, and definitely know where you are coming from. I can say I have, and it sucks, just don't let it get too out of control, because you have to have control of your life even if it feels like you don't. Finally, "How can I get better?" Really only you can answer that. I'm not you, I haven't gone through the exact same scenario life has put you in, you are unique and nobody thinks the same way as you, so, "How can 'you' get better?" What makes you feel good? What are some fun ways to relax, because it sounds like you are stressing quite a bit about this. Best of luck, friend!
I am 100 % sure my family are homophobic. When they talk about gay rights on TV, my mom tells me to change the channel cause she doesn't want to hear of the work of the devil and filth. So yeah, i'd say they're prettttty homophobic. And I'm not ready to 'come out of the closet' yet, I've just accepted my sexuality and I just am not ready to go public yet. Hormones are partly to blame on my 'I want to die' attitude, i am a teenager after all. The thing that hurts me about being gay is the pain I would cause my mom. She'd have an emotional breakdown if I came out to her and I just would not like to see that. Maybe I should just calm down and let things happen on their own. Thanks dude, appreciate the help. ---------- Post added 3rd Feb 2014 at 11:38 PM ---------- Good point. It's just that since a young age I've always been told what is right and what is wrong and it's hard for me to accept something that I've continually told is wrong as a perfectly normal thing. I just don't want to hurt my mom. If I told her I was gay, I'm pretty sure she'd be in bits and I just don't want to see that happen. As for my purpose in life, I don't think I ever had one, things keep on building up and I get thoughts all jumbled up and end up confused.
It's a part of the process of becoming adult - to learn how to decide what is right for you and which advice you can use and which will not work for you. So :icon_wink the purpose of your life was not destroyed by your realizing you were gay. I believe that your sexual orientation has nothing to do with it. Sure, as gay you can have a closer relationship with lgbt community and be its active member and make helping others your "purpose of life", but there are also gay friendly straight people there, so... Don't feel defeated by being gay. Try not to think what your life will be in ten or thirty years. A lot of things can change during that time - your parents' view, the acceptance of religious people in your area, the regime in your country. Try to make your life nice now and try not to fall into depression.
Hi AmIReally! First of all, Congratulations on finally admitting to yourself about who you are. I know it might sound like a slap in the face to you considering the fact that you are feeling this way. But its a good thing, you will realize that eventually. Secondly, I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through right now. I know all these thoughts and emotions can take a toll on a person, especially with someone like you who are still young. I cannot imagine the level of anguish you must be feeling right now. Thirdly, please don't tell yourself [or even think] that you are going to hell simply because you are gay. All these thoughts and emotions you are feeling right now is the result of all the information that your family had taught you over the years. I am not saying that they're wrong because this is their beliefs. But I am not saying that you should condemn yourself because it, either. Being gay doesn't take away your ability to love. It just happens that you have the ability to love a person who has the same gender as yours. But your ability to love is still there. Being gay also doesn't take away your compassion, your dreams, your goals, your intellect, your entire identity. And it doesn't take away your purpose in life. Trust me. Always tell yourself that Love is so powerful that it surpasses gender, race, age, religion and other so-called issues/differences. For now, cry if you must. Let it all out. That, I can understand. Get it out of your system because I know its kind of therapeutic to cry. But try to move forward and think more positively about who you are afterwards. The future might seem bleak and hopeless for now but things will get better for you eventually. Maybe not right now but the future might surprise you. Cheer up, dear! I am praying for your happiness. Cigsmoker [Sam]
Hey mate, Sigh... It's always so sad to hear about these feelings I've been through a similar thing as well... But my family isn't strongly christian so it wasn't too bad... but yeah... sometimes I feel that it's wrong and that I'm sinning... But... I just can't understand why a god who loves us would hate you for being something that you pretty much can't control. I would have thought that god wants us to be happy in both the physical and spiritual life. And if being loved by another boy is what makes both of you happy, I don't understand why it is a sin. But it's really hard to believe that when so many people tell you otherwise, and you have no way to prove that being gay isn't a sin... All I can say is that I think the best way to deal with it is this: If you can't accept that it isn't a sin, think about how MUCH of a sin it is. Do you think it's as bad as being mean, discriminating, violent or committing murder? I think something that doesn't directly hurt anyone or go against the major commandments would have to be a pretty minor sin... From this, just be the best person you can be in every other way by being kind to people and following the rest of your beliefs. Even if homosexuality is a sin, I don't think it's going to send you to hell if you're a good person. Your family will be difficult to deal with, but I don't think I'm the right person to give you advice on that :/ Good luck and I really hope you feel better soon.
Thanks =) It's really really really hard for me to see homosexuality in a good spotlight. I feel disgusted with myself because of it, I've stopped talking to people, I barely even eat anymore and it's really killing me. I just can't come into terms with the condition I'm in. I'm fully aware that I'm gay but it meshing with religion, I just can't see. Sorry, but yes, I do think that being gay is just as bad as the sins you mentioned. Having been told that homosexuality is a sin over and over again at church, I've been forced to consider being gay as the sin of all sins. Sorry. And I do think that I'll go to hell cause of it. And it's not only religion that's stands in my way, I don't think i'll ever be accepted for who I am. My friends at school make gay jokes every single day. And even though they don't actually know that I'm gay, I'm usually their target. I've been called fag, gay boy, etc non-stop since highschool and though it hurts, I just laugh it off and insist that I'm not gay. I live in like the most gay unfriendly country in the world (they're about to pass on a law that puts gay people on death penalty if found) and it's really hard. my mom has asthma and gets really sick sometimes and we're also financially troubled at the moment, and if you add me being gay on top of all that, not only my life but also my family's would be like hell. I just feel like I'm being selfish, only thinking of myself and not putting my family's happiness into consideration. I'm in a really depressing situation right now. *sigh* P.s. thanks for the friend request + wall post, so nice of you =)
Dude (*hug*) You are not alone. And let me tell you something. Not one single Christian has the right to judge another human being - not even if he is a fellow Christian. What you need to do is talk to your Lord and Saviour about what is going on in your heart and ask Him for guidance. Thats what I do all the time. But let me tell you a secret. I have been where you are at the moment. I have also battled this deep moral and spirutual conflict that my God will torture me for what I am. But then one day I came to the graceful realisation that I pray to a God whos love for me cannot be measured or even understood by us mere finite mortals. Why would he love me and bring me into this world and give me a great life and then make me realise I am Gay just to damn me? No I dont believe He is cruel, ever. He just put difficult things on our daily paths so that we can learn to navigate them and become stronger persons. And here is a bit of wonderment. If I had not gone through what YOU are going trough now I would not have been able to write this small, maybe insignificant reply to you. Love and Peace bro (*hug*) you are not alone. Go out and be a beacon of shining love and care and respect. And be YOURSELF (*hug*) you dont need to pigionhole yourself or label yourself. Just be the wonderful person you always are. D (*hug*)
Sigh... Look, I fully respect having religious beliefs... I'm a catholic myself... But really, the bible was written 300 years after the events took place and then translated into English with much evidence to suggest that this process was done poorly... I don't really think what the church tells us will ever be reliable until Jesus comes back to earth and confirms it. I know you think that there's no possible way that what you've been taught could be incorrect... but there's always that possibility. If you ever have the chance to be stimulated into the area of philosophy, you'll at some point wonder that, as humans, there's really actually nothing we can know for certain... It's actually quite interesting to think about. It's just a really hard path to go down if you believe you're going to hell because of who you are, because it pretty much forces you to be miserable. Anyway, I'm really sorry about how much you're struggling with this. But I agree with duende84, just be the amazing person you are. Don't worry about your sexuality at this stage. Nobody's telling you that you have to go act all gay. You don't have to act upon anything if you don't want to.
