My partner and I have been together and living together for 15 years. When I met her I knew I was bisexual and she was straight. After being friends for about 2 years she took the first step and our relationship started. She said she was not a lesbian, but had fallen in love with me. I had never been with a woman before her, but had always known I was attracted to them. With the years I have realized I like man for a sexual relationship only, but I can only be in love with women. I'm very much in love with my GF and I know she loves me too. The problem is that since about 5 years ago she got us a boyfriend. I like the guy, like having sex with him once in a while and really enjoy when the 3 of us have sex. But that's all there is. I care for him, but not in a romantic way. My GF on the other hand, has deeper feelings for him and she spends 2 nights a week with him (the 2 days I have to work the most). I have been dealing with these feelings of jealousy and feeling abandoned when she spends those 2 days with him, and I don't know anymore how to deal with this.
ahhhh jealousy in a polyamorus relationship. Have you talk to your gf about this? About the jealousy you are feeling. How do you know she feels more than just sexual attraction to him?
This is why I don't do 3ways even if it's all girls because this always happens I agree with that you should talk to her about this .
I have talked to her about it and she tells me I have always known ever since I met her, that she likes men. She needs to have a men to feel complete. Besides having our BF she also likes flirting with guys. I don't mind her doing that once in a while. I know her attraction goes beyond sexual with him because she likes being with him every single weekend, talks or texts him every day and says that if he ever left she would be extremely sad. She tells me she is not in love with him, which I believe because I see it, but I know she definitely loves him. ---------- Post added 3rd Feb 2014 at 05:03 PM ---------- I have talked to her. I don't want her to feel she cannot express her sexual feelings for men because of me. I understand she likes having sex with him because I do like it as well. I just would want her to be more sex and less feelings for him; which is how I feel for him
If I were in this situation I'm sorry to say I would end my relationship with her she's being selfish how could you do this to some one your dating and then turn around and tell them well you knew I like men sounds like she has no remorse . I would dump her if she said that to me
I think when you go into Poly relationships there has to be a degree of sincerity and honesty and openness. You can't have the possessive attitude that you can in monogamous relationships. I could never have a 3-way...even once because I am wayyyy to possessive. I think you need to tell her how you feel and analyze what she can do to make you feel more secure. Make sure both you and her needs are being met.
I think that is exactly my problem; I'm very possessive. That's why it's so hard for me to deal with these feelings. I really love her and we have been together all these years. I cannot picture myself loving anyone else as much as I love her and that's why I try to deal with my possessive feelings. I just need to find a way to deal with them.
That man is living every straight man's dream he gets to sleep with two women lol one lesbian and the bi that's one lucky fella Well your just gonna have to get over it and let them do what they do
Yes I guess you could say he is a lucky guy!!:icon_bigg However I think he is actually sleeping with 2 Bi women since although I don't love him, I like having sex with him ---------- Post added 3rd Feb 2014 at 05:53 PM ---------- If it only was so easy just to "get over it"...
But your label said lesbian guess he's almost lucky lol Well I think just talk with her tell her how it makes you feel , but if you go against her , she can throw it back in your face that your sleeping with him . I think it's best if you want this relationship to continue you'll just have to get over it . I'm very possessives with people I date so this would be a no no for me . Or when ever you guys have sex just do a big 3some or something if that doesn't work you'll just have to let them have sex because this is pretty much an open relationship and some women can develop feelings for people they are sleeping with and it makes things more complicated I must say from what you said he most be very good in bed sorry i'm in a jokey mood today .
He is a great "lesbian" man lover actually!! What I mean is he is not that great with his penis, but the guy really knows how to use his hands and his tongue.. I just sometimes wonder if I am the one being unreasonable and selfish or if my feelings are totally normal... I just want to feel happy with the way things are. ---------- Post added 3rd Feb 2014 at 06:07 PM ---------- Forgot to add, he is much younger than us. He is on his early 20s we are late 30s
Still he has a great talent I wonder where he learned that ? If you want to feel happy with the way things are you have to leave them as they are but the problem is your not really ok with this you two need to work on some solution to make this work . One thing my mom is right about is sex complicates things . Let me ask you a question what would be the perfect solution to you for this would you like to keep having sex with him ?
My GF says the same thing as your mom "sex complicates things". I have always thought that was a funny thing to say, but I guess they are right. My perfect solution would be that she would go to his place or spent time with him, could stay overnight if she wanted it. My biggest issue is her wanting to stay with him at his place 2 night in a row. The first night when she is gone, I'm OK. But when she does not come back the second night I just feel so sad, angry, betrayed, I have so many feelings.. We have talked about it, but she doesn't see anything wrong by doing that because as I mentioned, the days/nights she's gone is when I am working the most. I work from home tough.. ---------- Post added 3rd Feb 2014 at 06:31 PM ---------- I have started drinking lately to try to deal with my feelings
She should at least give up one night . Maybe she likes him more than she says she does doesn't mean she's lying or anything but she's probably not aware of it .
Thank you for your support. I really need to get these things out of my chest before they start consuming me
I think she likes this guy more than she says because if you just wanted sex with someone your not gonna wanna spend that much time with them after the sex was over you would probably becoming back home in the same night there is definitively feelings there . she is either aware of them or unaware because no one who is just sleeping with someone just for sex would spend that much time with them . If she is aware she's not telling you the truth because she doesn't' want hurt you . and your welcome
I know she definitely has feelings for him. She has never told me otherwise. That is what bothers me the most more than they having sex. I know she loves me more than she loves him, but still cannot overcome my possessiveness sometimes. Thanks again for your words
