I'm 37 years old. I'm androgynous. I have very little, next to none, sexual experience with women. I have no dating experience with women. I've had no relationship, long term or short. Never been on a single date. I've only been in a few relationships in my life and those have been abusive and with men. I want to be happy. I'm afraid. As childish as this may sound, I feel very afraid of pursuing women. I'm so insecure because of my dating history with men and lack of lesbian experiences in general. How do I get over my insecurities, accepting the I'm only sexually and physically attracted to women and coming out proudly and thrust myself into pursuing and dating women? I don't know where to begin. I don't know how. It all boils down to my feeling inadequate and embarrassed about my past and inexperience. I'm afraid also that when I make that bold move, and I hope I will eventually muster that courage to do so, and being dating (women) that I will not be taken seriously, frowned upon, not good enough, not experienced enough, not "gay" enough, not "out" long enough, and on and on. Anyone here identify? Any advice or input? ---------- Post added 4th Feb 2014 at 10:25 AM ---------- I've told myself for a long time that I "just haven't met that one right guy for me yet". I can't continue living this way. I'm unhappy. There simply is not a "right man" for me. I've entered a point in my life where trying so hard to live a lie and telling myself lies when I look in the mirror is not longer acceptable and unbearable.
Hi, I'm sorry you feel this way about your life. Are you actually romantically or sexually attracted to women???
Im pretty young but I can identify with being in some abusive relationships and not feeling like your good enough. A: I suggest therapy or group therapy - It will help you realize your not a lone and give you the proper steps to over come your insecurities B: Your perfect! (say it enough and you'll believe it) Tell your self every day 'I am wonderful, fun, attractive and the best me I could be and Anyone would be lucky to have me' or what ever mantra comes to mind - basically say the opposite of the negative things you feel (I know it sounds shallow but its a good pick me up and over time you will believe it) C: remember, there is someone for everyone (a lot of fish in the see) and you wont meet the special person in less you go fishin.. *Warning I wouldn't suggest looking for a relationship intill you have all your insecurities and troubles behind you, Theres no person who will magically make your problems go away. That's how you end up settling and being with someone you really don't care for or love.
I'm physically, sexually and emotionally attracted to and interested in women. As for my attraction to men, it's only emotional. Meaning, I'm honestly only interested in platonic friendships with men. I can really enjoy their friendships, humor, and seem to have more in common with them. My issue is a lack of self acceptance, self esteem, shame from inexperience, fear of coming out, and change. ---------- Post added 4th Feb 2014 at 11:09 AM ---------- Thanks, LovelyBunny. Exactly the things you've expressed I've recently begun to consider. From therapy to building my self esteem and learning to change my habits of having negative self talk and image. I have had an awakening you could say, finally! and rather recently of exactly what you're referencing of basically settling for someone I don't want or love in the hopes that, well, really, they (He) could "change" me. I appreciate all of your advice.
Hi SaintZombie! So sorry to hear about your struggles. I know it can be quiet frustrating. I know this will sound really cliche and all but you have to let go of your past. Its easier said than done, yes...but it is highly possible. Try not to dwell on your past relationships with me as much as you can. The memories [and all the thoughts and emotions that come with them] are holding you back and its depriving you of having a fabulous future. A future that you might be really happy in. We all had our fair share of really bad and traumatic experiences but we have no choice but to not relieve them in our heads every chance we get. Again, I know its easier said than done but I'm sure you can do it. I also have my issues regarding self-esteem and lack of experience. Even fears of getting rejected by other men. But sometimes, taking a leap of faith is the best way to go. Sometimes a little courage goes a long way and the end result may pleasantly surprise you. Maybe you can take things one baby step at a time. Try to go online and meet/chat other women if you are not yet ready to mingle with them in person. Establish the connection/trust/friendship first. Warm yourself up for the time being. Then if you're comfortable and secure enough, meet one or two of them in person. Have a casual drink or a lunch or something. Then just go from them. Take things slow. Take really baby steps. But take an action. Its better to get up and do something than lie in bed contemplating on the past or wondering all those what could have been stuff. Sorry if my reply is a bit lame. I'm not that smart. Hehe! Cheer up! We are rooting for you, dear! Hugs!!! Cigsmoker [Sam]
