Ok so it's very weird for me to have even made a account on this but lately I've been going crazy.. I am 21 and lately have been having gay thoughts and fantasies.. They first started when I was 18 but I have been able to fight them off successfully but they always come back. Lately they have been worsening. I have always liked girls and have had sex with many and do plan in having the ideal wife someday. It seems that every time I have sex with a girl after wards I feel wrong (spiritually) I feel as if god is punishing me. after sex I feel as if I have sinned then the depression kicks In and the gay thoughts come in (only at night). Out of curiosity one night I touched my rectum and it had me extremely hard, I hated life and wanted to kill myself.. I later then read that a lot of straight guys have admitted to rectum stimulation and could be classified as a male g spot. I have came to the conclusion that maybe my depression, insecurities and trying to be abstinent has caused me to have these weird fantasies? One night after being really depressed I started having the fantasies and without even touching myself I ejaculated, this scared me so much I hate these thoughts it's ruining my life, they attack me at night barely in the morning. I would like some advice on how I can stop these thoughts or stories on people that have overcame them.. I do not want to hear that I am gay or bi I refuse to be that way and rather leave this world dead straight then live my life this way. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give me good advice I hate these thoughts soooo much they are driving me insannnnne!
Hi JosephM, I am sorry to hear about your dilemma. I'm sure all these thoughts and emotions are taking a toll on you...sexually, emotionally and mentally. As a proud gay man, I can say that there is nothing wrong with being gay or bi. But to be fair, I cannot say that what you think and feel about us is wrong as well. Those are your own thoughts and feelings triggered by all the information and experiences that you have. We cannot tell you what to think, say and feel and of course, we cannot tell you who you are or what you really are. My suggestion is to try and list down [in details] the reasons why you are feeling depressed. Be honest with yourself. It might help clear things up for you. Its better to see them written down than just let all the thoughts swim inside your head. It can be very unhealthy if you keep them all bottled up inside. I would also suggest you read other posts here similar to what you're going through. It might help shed some light on your inner-struggles. My advice may be a bit lame [sorry!] but I wanted to give this reply in the hopes that you will feel that you are not alone and there's someone that cares. Cheer up! Cigsmoker [Sam]
i know about not wanting to be a certain way. no one but you can tell you who you are. i also know straight men who like anal sex with wives that use strap ons. since you are unmarried your feeling bad/wrong after having sex with a woman maybe tied to religion's view on premarital sex. also some men and women have thoughts/dreams of same sex encounters but once acknowledged didn't need to act upon it.
Thanks a lot for your reply, I have nothing against gays I think they can be very good people, just not the kind of route in life I would like to take I want to overcome it and never think about it again it's just extremely hard I can't explain how depressed it makes me I hate life right now.. ---------- Post added 5th Feb 2014 at 01:44 PM ---------- Yea that may be the reason why I am feeling guilty I just never want to act upon anything that can cause me to be something other then straight, no offense to anyone. Hope god can help me over come this just want to find someone that has successfully overcome this.
