Every guy that I've started to have feelings for has been straight. The only gay guys I know are just into sex, which I don't judge but that's not what I'm looking for. Why does it have to be so hard to find a guy that likes guys that you like and that happens to like you back? I feel like I have to go to a gay bar to find the right guy but I'm not really the "pick someone up at the bar" type. Anybody else feel this way/have any advice for people feeling this way? It's starting to make me feel really bad about my self, I've started getting depressed about it.:help:
I totally get you. I don't know even one gay person with whom I could connect in real life. I'm in university and literally know no one who is out. And I like two guys for more than a year now who are both obviously straight. I'm not aware of any gay bars in my city, and even if there were, I'd be quite scared going there. We're pretty close to Russia and the tolerance level is similarly low. But if we can't find anyone now that doesn't mean we have to lose hope. I won't go all cliche and say " there's someone for everyone". But at least we can try to keep doing what we're doing and naturally meet people with similar interests and outlooks on life. Sure beats the going to bars thing if that doesn't work for you. I'm sure if I ever meet someone it will not be in a bar.
There's one guy in particular. He's straight but everything about him is amazing. Just when I think I know him he does something amazing. It's like something I want desperately is surrounded by fire. If I approach it burns, but if I walk away I'm out in the cold. Ugh..why can't love be based solely on personality and not gender for everyone. I need to find someone else to get over this feeling because I really want to, but the problem is I can't find anybody. I feel for you, I live in Kansas and I think our friends in Topeka are bad, I couldn't imagine them being in the popular opinion in my country.
Atleast you know gay guys that are just interested in sex. I don't know any gay guys at all, that is a plus? right? lol. I know it is hard man. I feel the exact way as you, I really want to meet someone but I want them to come to me, I don't want to go to a gay bar and have to search for them. All I can say is give it time... I am but I mean, life is unpredictable man. I notice that things happen when you least suspect it. Hang in there!
I think it's just a problem everyone faces when you're young and single, meaningful relationships take time and effort and they're tough even if your straight. The odds reduce further when you're in a sexual minority. It's something I've struggled with over the last year as well. Things start out promising and then get reduced to sex. I've consciously adopted this new rule, make friends, make lots of friends and be open enough about your preferences and take it from there))
Sorry guys but dropping in on your conversation It's not just young gay men such as yourselves that have this kind of problem. When I was your age finding a guy that I was interested in, would be interested in me, was not married or in a relationship, and was looking for more than a quickie in the parking lot or something felt like an impossibility. Keep your spirits up because it will happen for you.
here's what you do become FWB with the guys that want sex suggest a date after a month of this if they accept good if they don't go for another month and just keep repeating
I hope knowing that I'm right there with you gives you comfort. I've pretty much just put my sexuality on the sideline as I go through school, and work. I have had strong feelings for strait guys before, only hooked up with a gay guy once and it was simply as you put about sex... I never have had the joy of being in the arms of someone you really have feelings for. I've recently undergone 2 years of torment with a strait friend, i had such a sure feeling was closeted gay too... when i came out to him i found out he wasn't... but he didn't mind. Things got bad though, and I stopped contact for a while. At least physically hanging out... recently I've been wondering if it will work.. being friends again. I know that in a way i'll always be his best friends. He's opened up to me in a way he never has to anyone else. I feel like I really know him and it hurts to know if he liked me too... it would be a beautiful and wonderful religion. I would propose to him if he were like me we were really the best of friends, especially him being the socialy phobic and shy person he is... it sucks. But I know that I have faith that one day, things will work out. I just feel comforted when I see people say that they too suffer the same. Not that I am glad for people suffering, it is just good to know that we gays can be seperated from the ones that are right for us. I have no gay friends, don't know one open gay guy, know a few gay girls but... so. You and me must only know that one day... down the line... it will come! And maybe like people who save sex for marriage, it will mean so much more to us. I fantasize about loving him... not about having sex. I fantasize about sleeping in the same bed, kissing, doing couple things, and being a single heart. So seriously. Maybe we will just have such a better first time for it?
I couldn't help but continue the conversation after reading the last post. I too had my world literally turned around and then some for the same reasons as the poster above ( read some of my older threads, that's basically all I posted about), looking back now I can laugh and say I was a total crazy person! Yeah since then everything has changed, meeting guys, sleeping with a few but the thing is in the end it was just about sex. Maybe the issue isn't other people around us, maybe it is truly getting over our straight loves, I mean truly...... Thoughts?
Every time I think I am over him we hang out and I'm back to square one. But I don't just want to end our friendship, I would be even more devastated. Maybe I do need to get out more, and maybe I'll find someone when I go off to college. But that baseball bat to the stomach that is my first real love will always be there. ---------- Post added 6th Feb 2014 at 12:27 AM ---------- What do you think? Should I tell him how I feel and just cut our friendship loose? Or should I just learn to live with these feelings?
Hi there. For me I do not regret telling him, in fact it has been essential to my moving foward and also to me coming to terms with my sexuality. Trying to just get over him wouldn't have worked due to the very close nature of our friendship, this guy was and still is my best friend so I felt it was the only choice. There have been some tough times for sure ( including an initiated time out), but if anything it only improved our friendship and I really got my best friend back without all the anxiety that comes with romanticising over them. For sure our friendship changed but I think for the better. Would I always have some sort of "soft spot" for him, sure apart from being my best friend he was my first real love, but that's ok! Hey now he's even privy to my adventures re: my new found sexuality and we have open honest conversation and it's easy. So in short in my context this telling him was the best decision and it allowed me to begin moving on......
This is actually a bit comforting actually, even if it IS easier for a straight female to find love in this world, but still a good gesture : ) Now, back to the OP's post, yeah man, totally feel ya! Hell, I barely even know GUYS XD I only have 2 friends that are really. It's not just because I associate only with girls as the gay stereotype would have you believe, it's just because most the guys I know at my high school, well, they're dicks, jocks, idiots, fools, etc. Heh just not friend material. It all comes in time I reckon heheh
