Ok let me just lay it all out there. I'm 23, I'm living at home still, and I'm ready to get the fuck out of here. Out of my town, out of this area, just out of being stuck. 1 more year of college seems like an eternity, I'm fucking sick of my job, love the people but hate that I'm working in fast food. I'm sick of friends who show no sort of ambition as well as don't understand where I'm coming from at any time. A best girlfriend who can be the most judgmental person in the world then wonders why she keeps losing friends. A best friend who is a habitual liar. Another best guy friend who is a huge douche and thinks he's always right. The fact that I can't accept myself as gay. The fact that I hate to look at my own face because I'll just have to see somebody staring back who I barely know. The fact that I let my prior religious teachings hold me back from doing what I want to do. The fact that every time I've slept with a guy I've felt simultaneously fulfilled and disgusted. I don't know why I feel like getting out of here will change things but at this point it's the only thing that I can see as a lifeline. My education is the only thing that I want in my life right now and it's what I try to focus on, even though I procrastinate and seem like a real bitch about it sometimes I really do see it as the only positive going for me right now. I know it could be worse and that keeps me from being depressed all the time but still, life is not that great right now. Don't let my smile and constant, perceived cheeriness deceive you. Deep down I'm in turmoil and honestly, fuck the world right now. P.S. On a side note, FUCK GAY GUYS. Most of them are judgmental bitches who don't return my calls and are only looking for sex. They don't want to actually get to know somebody or begin to see them as a real person they just see them as a sexual object. It's like I'm a female and they're just a bunch of pathetic drooling slobs. When did it get to the point where we just look for bodily pleasure instead of a true connection? I don't know how to answer that I'm just frustrated.
Oh wow soo much. Relax friend. I know how you feel. To be honest I'm pretty sick of where I'm at too. There is nothing here. Small town, no LGBT anything for at least a solid 2 hr drive. It can get really frustrating. At least you kept up with your education I gave up on it for awhile so I'm way worse off. What I'd say for you is just to relax and keep strong. When you're done with school you can find a better place, and look for a job somewhere better than where you are. There is still plenty of time to get things in motion. If you're unsatisfied you could start making your plans to leave now. Maybe look into cities that sound like a good place for you, and make your plans and even as you're wrapping up your schooling you could maybe try to get on track to find a job in a new place. Haha I hear that some gay men can be like that, but I wouldn't know. I don't get much attention xD
Thanks for the kind words man. I already feel better honestly, it's just sometimes everything gets too bottled up and you can't keep it in anymore. You're right about everything and I need to do that it just gets frustrating feeling like you're stuck. I just need to remember that my reality is only that way because I choose for it to be that way. We have the power to break out and do whatever we want it just takes a little drive and sometimes a little luck. Also, haha. You're probably perfectly fine looking man, at least what's inside is awesome because you really did type something that affected me personally and I thank you for that.
Aw you're sweet to say that I'm glad I could be helpful. It's always a nice feeling to know your words effect someone else in a positive way. Your life is what you make of it, and you seem very determined to get yourself through school. That's the big first step, and you only have a year to go so you'll have plenty of time to look into new places to live if that's what you decide is best for you.
Sorry you're going through a hard time. Unfortunately, there are bad apples in every group and sexuality. I'm sure there's a guy out there that's good boyfriend material for you. I hope things get better.
If anything can get you out of your current situation, it's your education. Focus on that for now and forget everything else. One year from now, you'll have the ability to improve the position you are in. Keep that end goal in mind.
