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Being Alone

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Simple Thoughts, Feb 10, 2014.

  1. Simple Thoughts

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    Hey, I was thinking about this last night. My mind likes to rush thoughts through my head when I'm trying to sleep. It's a nasty habit, but my brain doesn't just shut off at night. To be honest it takes me anywhere from 1-3 hours just to fall asleep because my thoughts don't stop...ever -.-

    Anyways, last night I was sort of thinking about how alone I feel. I don't know if it was just a passing thought or not though. My brain likes to rummage up whatever it can at night to keep me from sleeping. I just sort of thought about how really I spend almost every day cooped up in my bedroom staring at a computer screen. It's kind of pathetic really. :frowning2:

    I've been this way forever though. At least since around highschool anyways. I know I used to have friends I hung out with all the time, but anymore these days I barely have any friends. The ones I do have don't exactly hang out all too often either. Which can be good and bad really. I mean sometimes the quiet is nice, but sometimes I just get tired of having so much time alone to think.

    I'm naturally an introvert, and it shows really bad in me. From the fact that I'm terrible with new people, to my inability to form a smile easily, and even just my tendency to spend time in my own company. I like some time to myself, hell I like a lot of time to myself. These days, and even when I was younger though sometimes it's just too much time alone.

    I was feeling pretty good about things when my brother was around. We shared this crappy little room, and even when we were by ourselves ( which wasn't all too often ) we still had each other's company. It was the peace and quiet an introvert craves without necessarily being alone. Now that he moved out though it's just me keeping my own company, and apparently I suck at it :frowning2:

    I don't even know what to do really. Unless I get a job this isn't going to change. After 15+ applications though I'm just not even sure that there are jobs to get around here. >.<

    I need something to keep me from internalizing, but there's nothing around for that >.>

    I thought it wouldn't be that bad. I thought ya know I had some friends. I guess they only came around for my brother because now that he's gone it's like a passing fancy sort of deal. They stop by like once every other week when before it was like 3 times a week. I dunno maybe I'm just spouting off about nothing.

    Hell, you'd think I'd be used to this. My entire teenage life was me and my laptop. I'd be in my bedroom all alone playing on my laptop while everyone else went off and had fun and socialized...I'm so backwards at this point I don't even know how to start a conversation with a person. I know I suck at face to face interactions. I never know what to say, especially to new people. Then if I do speak it always takes me some time to think about what I'm going to say.

    Just so you know, when you don't blab out the first thought in your head you get ignored and interrupted constantly. People don't wait they just talk and talk and talk. So you take a minute to compose a thought and they cut you off to talk about their stuff. Then you try to finish your thought and they tell you that you shouldn't interrupt even though they interrupted you in the first place >.<

    I don't even know what I'm rambling about anymore -.-'

    Sorry...I'm a little scatterbrained today.
     
  2. SemiCharmedLife

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    I know what you mean. I'm an introvert but I like people's company--it's a weird mix. And sometimes my mind goes to dark places when I'm sad and alone.

    Friendships take work. There are times it may feel like a chore to keep them going, but you do have to tend to them to make sure they keep going. A simple "hey you wanna grab lunch or a beer?" can go a long way.

    Just don't give up on your old friends or close yourself off to the possibility of making new ones. I know it's harder than it sounds but it's the truth.
     
  3. Simple Thoughts

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    I know what you mean about the dark places thing. If you could read my mind when I'm trying to go to sleep at night...well it's usually not the most pleasant thoughts. Much better than they used to be though. I used to think really terrible things about myself. I couldn't even help it. Now it's a lot less bad.

    I know they do. I think I kind of ruined myself on that aspect. It's really easy to get wrapped up in yourself and blow people off without even really meaning to. My one friend was trying to get me to hang out around a month before my brother moved out and I kept making excuses because I didn't want to deal with it. In retrospect that was a dumb idea, and definitely selfish >.>

    I've not given up on anything. It's just tiresome being alone what feels like 24/7. Maybe I'm just over thinking it. The snow has been pretty bad lately, maybe it's a weather thing. I dunno. Could be.

    Plus I really don't know how much people like me verses how much they like using me. It seems like the less stuff you have the less inclined people are to hang out. I think I just set a bad standard when I had a job. I pretty let anyone borrow off me whenever because I've never really cared about money in the first place. I can't really be that way anymore though I have too many things I have to do that cost moneyz. Hopefully that doesn't make people dislike me >.>

    I'm weird as it is too. I talk about weird things, my jokes aren't for everyone, and if I got to choose how I look I would look odd to everyone I'm sure. Unfortunately there are gender rules in the workforce that prevent people from expressing themselves as an individual. Which sucks, but whatever, I don't even care enough anymore to fight that. I used to when I worked at Walmart my hair was awesome and long back then. No one in my family liked it though, and it was getting me trouble from the boss people at work. It just wasn't worth it to fight that nonsense...more stress than anything >.>
     
  4. zabby

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    As I was reading your post, I wondered if someone made a clone of me. In some ways, I really feel your pain. More than anything though, it's about purposefully putting yourself in social situations, even if it makes you feel nervous (I know it does for me!)

    I'm sure there are a number of ways to find some new people. If you are into more nerdy things (for example) then maybe hanging around a Magic: The Gathering card shop could introduce you to some new people! Or if you are a big reader, then look for some book groups, or something similar. If you are a fellow imgurian, maybe wait and see how one of the various social websites turn out, and maybe give it a whirl?

    More than anything just remember that there are a lot of people out there who are just as lonely as you, and it is only a matter of time until you meet some of them!
     
  5. Aquilo

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    I totally know how you feel. I'm a massive introvert and I really can't stand being alone too long.

    Maybe try making new friends, by doing new sports/hobbies or finding groups were you can practise your hobbies. With maintaining old friends you have to be a bit pro-active too sometimes, ask them if they wish to hang out/do other things. ; )

    Had this too. It really helps to do some relaxing things before you go to sleep, so you have a bit of time to think (reading, drinking tea etc.). Doing intensive gaming or such doesn't help either, and neither does watching a computer screen (the light makes you awake.. If you really insist on doing computer work late at night, getting a program (such as f.lux) to make your screen less blue and intensive might help. Doing sports or walking outside during the day helps too.
     
  6. duende84

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    I know exactly what you are feeling and going through I have also been a major introvert.

    After leaving school all my "school" friends went their own seperate ways and I was basically left alone in my home-town. A few friends remained but they either studied in the nearby city or was working immidiately. I became extremely lonely - because of that sudden change in scenery.

    Making new friends is like playing the lottery. You can start a conversation with a stranger at a pub for instance and depending if you like the person and the person likes you back (just on a friendly level), the coversation might be short-lived (5 minutes to 2 hours) or turn into a friendship where you see the person the next weekend at the same spot and then later on at each others houses for a weekend shindig. Even though I am not so introverted these days I can sometimes still hate the idea of having to meet new people for the first time. Makes me nervous. But then my natural defence mechanisms kick in and I make silly jokes or some funny shit to break the ice and all is well.

    And being stuck to the computer? Heck since I got my first PC in 2005 I was glued to it ever since. And that is just for internet surfing. I cannot go a day without logging on and checking whats up in cyberspace. Some would call it a bad habit and that I spend to much time online but it is a great tool for me to get my ideas out to the world. If it was not for the internet I would probably still have been a cocky, scared, dumb, sexually confused and frustrated, farm-boy with no real future other than toiling away on some mine in the region.
     
  7. Simple Thoughts

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    Oh well my interests are pretty broad range. I like a little bit of everything. I actually used to play Magic the Gathering, I'd probably still play today if I knew more people into the game, but that's hard to come by. I do love books, but it's been awhile since I've been able to fairly call myself an avid reader. For me my interests seem to work in weird little cycles. I get obsessed with something for a period of time then after a few months or so it just looses its appeal.

    I know. I know. I just like to vent sometimes is all

    ---------- Post added 11th Feb 2014 at 05:18 PM ----------

    Hello fellow introvert.

    Yeah I made the mistake of doing post-secondary. Not only was I too young to have any real serious understanding of how important doing your work was when it came to college, I also effectively burned my bridges with everyone I had built friendships with. After a lot of slacking I was left with some student debt, no friends, and not a lot going on. Oh well though, live and learn or something.

    I'm terrible at conversations with new people. I don't really know why, I guess I'm just too internalized. I always wonder what to do and what to say, and I never really know. I mean I'm weird so it's not exactly easy to find something I can relate to other people with. Especially people around here. I don't friggin watch dumb reality shows, or do drugs, or have kids and that cuts out like 90% of the people of my area ( Personally I'm glad to not have the later two to deal with, but I digress )

    Computers are great! Well...in a way. Sometimes they kind of suck you in and it's a little difficult to cut yourself loose and do other things. I'm having an easier time now with that though. When I was younger...my laptop was my only friend for awhile -.-'
     
  8. Kasey

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    Wow, MtG in this thread...

    I love my birthing pod modern deck as well as my Boros aggro standard. Anyways.

    Being alone. I used to shut myself in but I realize I like people and am not such an introvert.

    The way to overcome introversion is to get out and try things you want to do but never have tried to do yet. It took me almost 25 years to start karate, but boy am I glad I did having met great friends and achieved a black belt.

    So while I'm not one person who needs to be in the limelight, introversion can go away.
     
  9. Simple Thoughts

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    I suppose it could.

    I don't know. I'm working on getting out into the world more, and hopefully I'll get this job so I can afford to go places every once in awhile :slight_smile:

    I want to say thank you to everyone by the way. I was feeling a little down when I put this up, but I think it was just a random mood...still when I got on today I was feeling really good about things already and seeing everyone being so supportive here has made this a really good day for me :icon_bigg
     
  10. Kasey

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    You know I'm always here to lend an ear.
     
  11. Simple Thoughts

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    I know ^.^

    Thank you <3
     
  12. robotman

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    Its so comforting to know that other people feel like this. I thought I was the only one that felt like this... I don't really know what to add apart from I know how you feel man :frowning2:. I guess we just have to hope something will change/happen...