There are days wherein I missed being loved by someone who really likes you. In short, I just miss being in heterosexual relationships or having a girlfriend, but the thing is, it kills me a little inside, because I have this feeling of guilt whenever I'm in a relationship with a woman. Why? There are times when my mind flashes images of me having sex and fantasizing over guys and it gives me this feeling of self-hate and disgust, because I feel as though I'm fooling that woman I am with... These feelings and desires just confuses me inside and out. Does anyone had ever experienced this?
I've been in two relationships with guys, but pretty much always been more attracted to the female body. (I realized later that I'm a lesbian, but that's another story.) There are few times (pretty much never) I thought of guys during sex even while doing it with them, always just women. It was the only thing that did it for me. And yeah, at first I felt guilty but I came over it. And I don't think you should feel guilty or disgusted because your mind is the only place that is totally private and where you can think of whatever you want. Just because you think of guys while having sex with her doesn't necessarily mean that you would like to replace her, it's maybe what you need sometimes to make the sex more enjoyable. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it and don't hate yourself for it. I honestly doubt that everyone is "faithful" in their thoughts, and fantasies are fine to have as long as they don't hurt anyone. Which they rarely do since they're not for everyone to know about. If you are in a relationship with someone you love, it's okay to think about other people as long as it doesn't mean (like I said earlier) that you would like to replace her (or him). If that's the case then it would be unfair to the person to be together with someone who actually want to be with someone else. Don't beat yourself up about it, it's okay and I'm willing to bet that it's quite normal.
