I have two main questions that I have been wondering about, and I don't have anyone I know in person to ask, and I just remembered I have everyone here. My first question is about how to find someone. Are gay bars the only place one can go to look for possible relationships? I mean I know you can meet people in everyday life, but it's so much harder to tell, and I have one friend in mind that is bi that I am interested in, but I personally prefer to be asked out. I know I could just ask first, but I'm scared to make that friendship weird. So I guess my real question is where to go to look for possible relationships in the future and maybe ways to get someone else to know that you are interested, subtly. My other question, sorry if it's weird but I don't know who to ask, is about sex. I know that in a straight relationship the main purpose of sex is to reproduce, but in a gay relationship, it's all about the love and pleasure I guess? So when it comes to it, are there any standards? Is it just do what you feel or are there certain things expected, like does it -have- to be anal? Again, sorry if this is weird to answer, just don't know where else to go to ask these questions.
Gay bars are certainly a good option. There are also other gay-focused event or groups: gay sports groups, gay-focused coffee shops and libraries, music/choir groups, video game groups and so on. They may not all be available where you are but they are out there. And of course there is online dating, which is probably the easiest way to reach a large group of compatible people (but comes with some obvious downsides, too). Remember you can't always expect them to make the move though! If you are interested in someone (and they aren't straight) then you're better off making a move yourself rather than waiting around and missing the opportunity entirely. Does this friend you are interested in know you are gay? Biologically sex is for reproduction, but 99% of straight sex doesn't happen with the intent to create a baby. When it comes to sex the intent is almost always going to be for pleasure regardless of the genders and sexualities of the participants. You definitely should only be doing things during sex that you are comfortable with. Lots of gay guys do expect/want anal sex, which is fine, but there are also a lot that don't. There certainly aren't any universal standards that you need to live up to - just decide what you want to do and do that, and find someone that is also happy to do that. It might just be kissing and cuddling, or blowjobs, masturbation, anal sex, and so on - they can all count as sex. It's also fine if you don't want sex at all and just want the romantic side of the relationship. Some compromise is to be expected because you're never going to find someone that wants exactly what you do, but if you are being pushed too far to do stuff you don't want to do, or are pushing your partner to do stuff they don't want to do, then there's obviously some issues to sort out.
About where to meet people: It doesn't have to be a gay bar per se. Any events that are for the LGBT community or are stated to be LGBT friendly are a good place to check out. There's also the internet, but that's higher risk and can also be difficult. About sex: Straight sex, is more often than not, not usually for reproduction. Proof? Condoms, toy shops, pornography, etc. And guess what? Gay sex is the same in that while there are differences in how things go down, the motivations are the same (with reproduction being an exceptance). There are no standards because people are different and everyone doesn't like the same thing. Not everyone likes anal sex. If you don't, that's fine. There are still many other ways to participate, such as frottage, masturbation, oral sex, etc. Relax, it's not wierd to ask these things. There is alot of misinformation floating around out there, especially amongst people who hae little actual knowledge of us LGBTs. Some quick words of warning. Take precautions such as using a condom and getting tested when it comes sex. Also, be aware of the potential dangers facing LGBT people when dealing with other people. You need to be aware of much if you wish to stay safe.
When I went to college, they had a LGBT support group, and found out about a local bulletin board (internet) for gay chat and dating. Just because someone is interested in the same sex as you doesn't mean that they are going to be interested in you, just like in straight relationships. I made some good like minded friends, both male and female, even if I didn't end up dating them. It was a "just friends" lesbian who introduced me to a woman who would end up being my life partner. I know that in a straight relationship the main purpose of sex is to reproduce, but in a gay relationship, it's all about the love and pleasure I guess? The main purpose of straight people having sex, whether you are straight or gay, for most people, is pleasure or love, not reproduction. It's why straight people spend billions on birth control, and people who are sterile or who have been fixed still have sex. If you're speaking strictly biologically, then yes, the desire for humans is based on reproduction, but not soley limited to it. Humans are one of the few animals that can mate all the time, or do a particular sexual act simply to please a partner they love. They don't mate simply because the female of the species is in heat.
Depending on your location, there may be a lgbt youth center you could go to, it's easy to meet people there and almost everyone is going through or has gone through similar situations. In any relationship, sex is just for pleasure and to show your partner you care about them.
Gay bars are generally a terrible option if you're looking to make a real connection with someone, because most people are there for one reason, and it isn't to enjoy the ambience. The other suggestions (sports clubs, coffee shops, music groups, etc.) are generally better if you want to actually get to know someone rather than just have a hookup. Meetup.com often has many different types of LGBT events in most parts of the country, and that can be a good place to look. LGBT centers are also a good possibility, as they usually have lots of social activities going on. One thing that I think is an important consideration about having sex: It isn't only about reproduction, or even about pleasure. For a healthy couple, it is a means of experiencing and expressing connection and caring on a very deep level. It's enjoyable as well, but when you talk to people in healthy, committed relationships, one of the comments you often hear is that the sense of connection and caring is as much, sometimes more, important than the actual experience of sex and orgasm itself.
I'm sorry, I worded that wrong haha, I mean I know almost all sex is just that, pleasure and fun, I was wondering more along the lines of that what they teach is usually the opposite, they only talk about sex as reproduction so the norm when thinking of sex in my mind is straight sex, I wanted to know what is expected or if there were expectations of me when the time came. From what was said I think that was about what I thought, that it was just doing what you feel and what you like. I'm glad because I really don't know what it is I like quite yet. Yes, actually, he was the first one I came out to, he had told me he was bi a few weeks before so I already trusted him, and then when I really started questioning my sexuality, he was the one I went to and he helped me sort out my mind. He recently broke up with his girlfriend, last week, and I know it's too soon but I've tried at least letting him know I'm interested casually. I am terrified that me coming on to him would ruin the close friendship we have now, so I kind of dropped hints, and even mentioned in a train of conversation that I would prefer to be asked out, because I figured if he was interested, he could make the move and save me from ruining the friendship otherwise.
I agree with this in general, but wanted to mention sometimes people to go to gay bars to just meet like minded people without getting hassled for being gay, like you might in a straight bar. Sometimes it depends on the establishment. I occasionally go to a certain place to meet up with my gay and lesbian friends, most of them are already in a relationship, and not looking to hook up with anyone. Strangely, I've met a couple of women out in public who only approached me in conversation because they saw me in that place, and were too shy to talk to me at the time. When they saw me there, they knew (or assumed) that I wasn't straight. Although I couldn't hook up with either of them, it was nice to meet them, and make new friends.
Not all gay men like anal, if you don't want it it can be something else. I think the best part about being gay is there isn't any expected standards like straight couples have.
