1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Life's perfect, except...

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by xalex, Feb 15, 2014.

  1. xalex

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2011
    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I just can't get myself to meet guys, although I have almost everything I would need to do so.

    I live in a city with huge gay scene but none of my friends are gay. While I've told some of them, and probably the rest of them also knows, I haven't been able to get myself to be too open about being gay. I am finishing college in a few months and I still have not had actual sex or a longer relationship, and this really makes me sad (I know there should be no rush etc., but still). I am taking a year off to travel next year and then start working - and I really feel like, if I could not find a guy in college, it'll never be easier.

    I really want to go on dates, i really want to go out and meet guys, but I just cannot get myself to do it. I have never had a date in my life and I am also inexperienced when it comes to sex. Being in a big city with lots of gays, I still find it hard to meet any gay people. I feel way too weird going into gay clubs or gay bars on my own (while I've done it once before) and all people I hang out with are straight (would not want to go to gay places with them either). I use gay dating apps but I never actually go on to meeting anyone from there. Sometimes I feel like I'd just like to have a group of gay guys as friends, but that's not something that happens by itself.

    I not only fear that the guys are way more experienced but I am also unsure about what I am looking for. Part of me wants to just sleep with loads of guys, go crazy, have fun - but part of me wants romance and a guy to love. Given that I live in a city with so many gay people, I feel like such a loser for not taking advantage of it - and I'm even graduating soon. But something is stopping me, and I do not know how to get over this. I try to be happy at all times and engage in loads of activities, but every once in a while I realise that my life is so empty...

    Has this happened to anyone here? Why is it that I'm a student in a great city with awesome friends and I still never ever get any action going?
     
    #1 xalex, Feb 15, 2014
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2014
  2. Sarah257

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2014
    Messages:
    219
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Perhaps you could go to a one of those gay bars you mentioned but not go looking to meet someone to get in a romantic relationship with. If you just go to hang out, yes you might find someone to hook up with, but you might also find something that may be even better: a gay friend. Just because the people who are in gay bars are almost all gay, it doesn't mean that everyone will be interested in becoming your boyfriend. Some may just be looking for a friend too. If you make a friend who is also gay and you get to know each other well enough, they might be able to point you towards someone they think you might hit it off with, or maybe what starts as a friendship will become something deeper. And, hey, if you're too shy to approach someone, let them approach you. It may take a little while, but it'll probably work eventually.

    Also, any kind of public event for LGBT people or places with a rainbow flag may be a better place to start if you're super awkward about trying a bar again.

    Like I said, trying to make a gay friend first might just be what could get you more comfortable. :wink:
     
  3. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,698
    Likes Received:
    3,722
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey is there any kind of LGBT group at your college. I think that would be a great place to meet gay friends and then you might find people to go to the bars with?
     
  4. Julieno

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2014
    Messages:
    210
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Sheffield, UK
    I lived in London for a while and I found quite difficult to actually meet people out of your closer circle of friends/flatmates, Probably your best option is, as other users have said, to join the LGBT group in your uni. You may as well think about finding LGBT specific groups to do any activity you like (theatre, sports, dancing...) I am pretty sure that you can find some of those doing a google search :slight_smile:.

    Regarding apps my problem is that I do not really like the idea of using them for hook ups. If that is the same for you, you can always create a profile in which you explain clearly what yo do not want, even if it comes across as a bit unfriendly. That should get you some more authentic people.

    You can also ask ypur straight friends, if they can introsuce you to any other gay friends of them :slight_smile:

    Anyway try not to stress much about it!