So not so recently I have developed a crush on my straight (possibly closeted bi) best friend. I've posted about this before but since I've learned to live with it. I decided a long time ago that I would never act on it because I didn't want it to get in the way of our friendship. This guy has gotten me through a lot and I don't know what I did or what I would do without his friendship. The problem is, recently it has affected our friendship because I am holding it in. Every time he says something that is normally okay for us I get offended, every time he's with his girlfriend I get quiet and slightly moody. I am wondering if I should just tell him. I am 100% sure he doesn't feel the same way, he says he loves me regularly, but it is in a very obviously platonic way. We tell each other everything, and I really want to tell him what is REALLY bothering me (he has noticed I'm not myself) but I do t want him to be weirded out or worse shut me out. He's an ally but I have suspicions that he is slightly homophobic (he makes gay jokes and when I mention that a guy is cute he acts weirded out even though he has said "that guys cute" a few times). Do you think I should spill the beans or just let it settle and hope it goes away (it's been almost a year now).
He knows and he's very supportive about it. He makes gay jokes which I said were okay but now that he might be slightly homophobic (or closeted) it's bothering me. But he's okay with me being gay, hell since I've told him we've still slept in the same bed and we still hang out almost daily. ---------- Post added 16th Feb 2014 at 12:57 AM ---------- Sorry about the grammar, I'm on my cell.
If this is bothering you so much that he has started to notice, it might be time to tell him. I was in a very similar situation with a straight friend who knew I was gay. I was in love with him, and it was causing me so much anxiety and heartache that I eventually realized that I had to tell him, if only to get some closure. Telling him certainly helped me to get over him, but it also seriously affected our friendship for about four months. It's really a cost-benefit analysis. You'll probably be really relieved to tell him and get some closure, but you also risk seriously damaging the friendship. It's really a very personal decision. For me, I know I made the right call in telling him. I got over my love for him, and now we are even closer than before.
I think if the friendship is suffering anyway then it's probably best to tell him. I mean friendships are best based on trust and so hopefully you can trust him. I don't think hie can be that homophobic if he lets you sleep in the same bed.
Guys are typically not so open and affectionate with their friends. It's a social stigma for guys to be more reserved and stick to norms, while girls are more free to experiment and be loose about displaying affection. I have a straight best friend who knows about my being lesbian and is not afraid to hold hands with me in public, give hugs or trust me not to look when she's changing, and I don't question her sexuality at all. I think you should tell him. Like silverhalo said, if you're already facing some problems with keeping the friendship his response, whatever it might be, can provide the necessary closure to either get over him or test new waters with him.
Thank you, I appreciate the advice, I wanted to tell him today but I couldn't even come up with the words when I looked at him. I'm hopeless lol. I'm going to try to let it settle into a platonic love and see what happens. Things like this make me wish I was straight (I know that sounds terrible).
