Hello everyone ;3 I signed up here today mainly because I don't really feel safe talking about most things to my friends. I think it's because they're female and we are so different as individuals. Anyway I'm straying off already... I was wondering about appearance. It may seem like such a general question because I know there is a million ways to answer this but I have 2 appearance problems that never really bothered me until about a year ago when I took a serious look at myself. I have acne on my back and stretch marks on my tighs and waist. I have heard a lot of people talk about it on open meetings and such about appearance for the general people and they usually classify it as a "bad" thing. I'd like to hear from everyone of you... Is it a bad thing to have and will it give me a disability when trying to find someone. I know the only people that know about my problem is my family and 3-4 friends of mine. I hope to hear from you and see what the actual picture about my problem is in the social community when trying to find someone for a serious relationship.
well, I feel that... 1. Your "Backne" will fade as your body's Testosterone levels drop to that of a grown man (it's increased in the teen years due to puberty ^^) 2. stretch marks are... eh.. on a Man, nothing important, you all don't show off legs all day =p To me... stretch marks on a guy are just as bad as scars... which in my book are nothing! But I guess it does have to do with someone individual tastes in a person. However something small like that shouldn't deter any would be suitors
My "Backne" as you refer to it has left quite a bit of scars with time. It's been around for 2-3 years at least I think and it's only gotten worse with time. My older brother has the same problem but he has way worse than I have and he tried treatment for it but it didn't seem to help but only make things worse. I'm just a little worried what other people will say about it. I just feel it will put people off... Maybe I'm just paranoid though ;3
I get the occasional pimple, sometimes 3 at a time! And I have stretch marks. Neither of those things have ever kept me from finding someone and being in a happy relationship. When someone is attracted to you, those things shouldn't matter to them, and they probably don't matter to them. Society paints this picture of what the "ideal" person should look like, and heaven forbid you look slightly different! I think because of this, people with any type of "flaw" feels like they don't deserve happiness/relationships. Well, nobody's perfect, and if they're shallow enough to judge you on your "faults" then they don't deserve to get close to you anyway. Hope this helps! (*hug*) Embrace your imperfections, they make you human
At 15/16 my back was turning PURPLE with acne, it was also pretty painful sometimes. I also have stretches on the sides of my buttocks, a unibrow and a tendency to grow a belly. At that age I constantly obsessed about how ugly I looked. What did I do? 1) Shave the unibrow. It made a world of a difference. I don't pluck my eyebrows, but just shave away the central part to avoid looking like an angry mafia guy all the time. 2) Started working out and being careful about what I eat. Belly is not really an issue anymore. 3) Backne and stretches - NOBODY CARES! Backne faded with age, but I still have quite a few zits, especially in the winter. Stretches are still there, but a bit hidden by hair. Bodies are not perfect, life is not perfect, just take the best. And trust me, in the flirting game looks help, but it's mostly about your confidence and how much you're at ease with yourself.
hehe sorry, "Backne" is slang in the states for acne on the back =x and the scars, those are cool =p this may help... when I was a kid, I got chickenpox, now... mama always said not to itch them... I itched one... now I have a bump from it on my left breast, right at the top... and it doesn't slow me down honey! even though people can see it =)
Thanks ;3 I really needed a new view on things. Your reply showed me something not many are willing to share. This is a fact I don't really like... The fact that everyone says its about looks... That's my very problem, the fact people keep telling me I don't "look good enough"... I really hope things will turn around in the future. Recently my mood has been swinging a lot... I know this sounds a little... odd? but fact is I don't know why but I've been very emotional lately and realising the fact that the guy I've been trying to get closer to have been kind of pushing me away from him... My friend met him at the same time I did I think and she knows him way better than I do and I just get depressed because of how much I care about him. Hopefully I'll get a bit more confidence / self-respect than I have had in the past. I think my bio explains what I mean with this very sentance... (*hug*) for all of you for helping me out ;3 Thanks
Ok, think about it like this: if someone is so superficial that they're not going to like you as a person just because of acne or scars or stretch marks, do you really need them in your life? I don't. Appearances don't tell you a whole lot about the person. Sure, there can be an interesting story behind a scar that will give you an idea about the person, but the scar by itself means nothing. Personally, a scar makes someone more interesting; it shows that they're alive and have a story to tell. That, to me, is much more exciting than someone with an air-brush perfectly toned body whose life is an empty bubble of narcissism.
Absolutely agree with the above. Take care of yourself if it makes you feel better, but if someone chooses you just for your good looks it's not very meaningful. We all like to have a good sight in front of our eyes, but it's NEVER enough.
You're 16. Give it time. I didn't really stop growing or changing until I was like almost 22. I know that sounds trite but things change. Have you read "The Ugly Duckling" by Hans Christian Anderson?
It was and still is one of my favorite books of all time ;3 I love that story and yeah I know I'm quite young but I think this is the age where we crave so much more for acceptance from others.
I completely understand, but don't substitute the acceptance of others for acceptance of yourself. If you have a healthy image of yourself, others will see that in you and it will come through in your appearance.
So true. Take pride in yourself. It will work itself out. Lot of experience here between those of us who are more than twice your age.
I'm gonna keep trying to be okay with everything but considering how fast things change around me and with my friends around me it's hard to kind of keep a straight mind and see your own personal goals... I've chickened out or strayed away from my goal quite a few times. I hope I'll be able to stand up and just go for it someday soon so I don't feel so pushed away. Hehe I'm glad there are places like these on the internet that brings together people with similar situations. I've been hoping to find a forums like this a long time and I finally managed to find one ;3
