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I feel alone in the sexual world sometimes

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Fallingdown7, Feb 18, 2014.

  1. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    I don't identify as asexual, but I never placed sex being something I wanted to rush into. It's something I don't feel like I could be ready for unless it was with someone I was with for around a year or so, but so many people think this is unreasonable and I constantly feel pressured to rush into sex.

    There are many reasons why this is (My sexual dysphoria, my extreme trust issues, my autism and sensory integration dysfunction, etc)

    Sometimes I feel a bit hostile toward other sexual relationships because of all of the pressure, but at the same time I have nothing against what other people are doing. It's just not something I feel ready for....and probably won't for a while.

    I've considered only dating asexual women but then I feel worried about when the time comes that I'll be ready for sex and want it. I know some asexuals have sex with their partners, but I might feel sad if they aren't sexually attracted to me. On the flip side, a sexual woman could give me what I need eventually, but then there's the risk she won't be able to wait and will pressure/force me into sex too early.

    So does this mean I'm in between asexual and sexual? Am I gray-asexual or something? Or is it something else?

    Have you ever felt in the middle and that you didn't know who could be right for you? How do you deal with dating?
     
  2. volleyball girl

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    If you're not ready for sex, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately many people now a days just want to rush into sex. Nonetheless, that doesn't mean that there isn't someone out there that is willing to wait. I have never been with anyone. When I first met my girlfriend (online) I was nervous about meeting because of the fact that a lot of people like to have sex as soon as possible. I was terrified (keep in mind we are a long distance couple). However, she has been nothing but supportive. She is the most wonderful human being I have ever met. She's patient and loving. When the time came to meet, I didn't feel pressured at all. We just hung out and kissed a few times but nothing more. I think that what you need is to find someone who respects you and gives you the time you need. And believe me when I say that those people exist :slight_smile: It doesn't seem like you're asexual. It just seems like you're like me: shy and reserved. It's ok to not want to have sex so early in a relationship. You just have to find that right girl who will wait for you and be supportive :slight_smile: I hope I was able to help. I wish you lots of luck :slight_smile:
     
  3. C P

    C P
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    I can definitely relate to feeling like an outsider in such a sexual world(for my own reasons), so you're definitely not alone. Even was labeled as f**king weird by one guy because of my lack of interest in sex in general.

    This I agree with volleyball girl on. You just have to find one who will be patient with you and supportive. You'd be surprised who'd be willing to hold off if they feel you could be that special someone and are worth it.

    The best of luck to you. (*hug*)
     
  4. SwimScotty

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    Do you know the term "demisexual"? It sounds like you might fall under that category. It means that you don't develop sexual attraction to a person until you've developed a strong emotional connection with said person.
    Just ignore the pressure from others. Have you ever heard the saying "You're a virgin, you're a bore; if you're not, you're a whore"? Well, there's so many double-standards regarding sex, especially for women, that it's difficult to figure out what you should do. But remember that being pressured into something you're not ready for could have negative repercussions in the long run. So just listen to VolleyballGirl and find someone who's willing to do what you need and won't force you into something you're not ready for. And you're not "weird" for not wanting to have sex.
     
  5. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    Thanks for the replies everyone. I feel a lot better and secure that there are some people willing to wait.

    I definitely don't feel sexually attracted until I know someone for a long period of time, so that does sound about right!
     
  6. Beetle

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    I used to identify as asexual. But it's more like my sex drive is very low. I can definitely enjoy sex with a woman (as long as it's not oral or anal...not my thing sorry) but I'm not really one for initiating sex, and I can go without it and not be bothered. I don't like the feeling of being rushed or pressured into it either. I'd rather wait till I feel comfortable as well and I'd rather date someone who isn't into sex as much and doesn't place it on a high pedestal. I get that some people feel it's important, but for me there are far more important things in a relationship than sex. I prefer the emotional connection over the sexual one.

    Also sexuality is very fluid. I wouldn't worry about a specific label. If we labeled everything, we wouldn't be able to remember all the names for them all, haha.
     
    #6 Beetle, Feb 18, 2014
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2014
  7. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    Oh, I can relate to this. I definitely prefer the emotional connection over the sexual one, but I don't rule out sex all together.

    I can understand that sex is important in relationships, but I don't want it on a really high pedestal either. I've never slept with any women to know if I'll like it or not, but I definitely do like the idea of trying. Just not trying quickly or instantly haha

    Ironically, I feel like my sex drive is high, but my sexual attraction (or interest in others) is rather low. It's not non-existant either though.
     
  8. mobrien1993

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    I wouldn't say you are in between asexual and sexual. I am kind of the same way. I'm not in a rush to have sex. It will happen when it happens. I just want to make sure that when it does I have been with the girl for quite a while and we both love each other. I think it's perfectly normal to have your own preferences and not to rush into anything.