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Need some advice

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Shermanator, Feb 18, 2014.

  1. Shermanator

    Regular Member

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    So there's this girl who's really into me, and who I've hooked up with a couple times. But now that I've accepted that I'm gay I really want nothing to do with her (at least not sexually, anyway), but I can't just be friends with her because she's pretty much in love with me. However, she also suffers from hardcore depression and insecurities, so as much as I would love to sort of get rid of her by telling her I'm gay, I don't know if that's the best approach. Any thoughts on what I should do?
     
  2. Kasey

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    Well, you're in quite the pickle, not even from the gay standpoint. She's depressive and you don't want to hurt her.

    I mean that's hard. You might want to just tell her rather than delaying the inevitable.
     
  3. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    I agree with Kasey. You need to just tell her, don't keep putting it off, because she'll just keep falling for you, harder and harder. Honesty is the best policy here. Just be sure to mention that she didn't "make you gay" but that you've been struggling to accept it for a while, and have now reached a point where you're ok with being gay. Good luck! :slight_smile:
     
  4. Cigsmoker

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    Hi Shermanator,

    Hmmm, that's a tough one. On one hand, you really don't want to hurt her feelings and cause her even more depression. But on the other hand, you deserve to be free and happy as well.

    I agree with Kasey and VelvetBlade, just be honest with her. The more you delay telling her the truth, the more you will just keep leading her on. Try your best to have a very honest conversation with her. Tell her who you really are but also assure her that its not her fault and she shouldn't think that she's the one who caused the change. There's a big chance that she will blame herself which will add to her depression so try to let her know that its not about her. Try also telling her that even though you're gay, your friendship with her is really important to you and you will still be in her life [if you like].

    Hope this helps, dear! The very best of luck with it!

    Cheers!
    Cigsmoker [Sam]
     
  5. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    You have to be honest. Otherwise, in trying to "let her down easily", you're essentially lying and allowing her to believe in something that can never be. If you have access to her friends/family, you might make sure that she's got support around her for when you tell her, so that if she does feel depressed and feels she can't talk to you, she'll have someone to talk to.

    As hard as it is, you'll be doing both of you a service if you do this sooner rather than later.