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Not sure what to do

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Scaredadult10, Feb 18, 2014.

  1. Scaredadult10

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    I have a friend who is gay, and I came out to him. Letting know he is my first ever crush. We have been very honest and agree we should keep as friends. While talking with him I have said I wanted to hug him or cuddle for the physical reassurance. He has told me I know he doesn't want that, but am I wrong or crazy to want that as friends?

    Before I came out we have been planning on becoming roommates but now I am not sure.
     
  2. Kasey

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    He in another relationship?

    I don't know if I have the whole story to give you good insight.
     
  3. Wildclover

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    Some people don't like to touch people when they're not in a relationship with them. Maybe he's concerned that if you hug and cuddle he'll give you the wrong impression?
     
  4. Scaredadult10

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    He isn't in a relationship. I told him I don't want a sexual relationship right now either. It makes it really tough when he just shuts down and doesn't want to talk. He's 26 and just a big teddy bear I want to hug as I go through this journey.
     
  5. AKTodd

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    This may be a generational thing, but in the circles I move in, friends do not cuddle. You can give a friend a hello/good-bye hug, or hug them if they are in pain and you are comforting them or maybe if something really great has happened and you are sharing in their joy. But cuddling is a level of intimacy beyond what friends do IMHO.

    If someone told me they had feelings for me and then that they wanted to cuddle from time to time, I would be concerned that something might happen during one of those instances, either in the moment or because the other person would use it as an excuse/opportunity to try to seduce me. And if I've already made it clear that's not what I want, that would be a violation and at best the friendship would be put under strain. It might even be ended, depending on circumstances.

    My 2c worth,

    Todd
     
  6. Scaredadult10

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    Thank you Todd,

    I know for me with girls I tried to get a relationship with. We cuddled but it never ment anything to me. As I think about this more I know I crossed a line. Also talking some here and reading it has made me realize the fault. I just hope this doesn't kill this friendship.
     
  7. Scaredadult10

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    I talked with him today. Let know I am sorry and know I crossed the line, and trying to get a grip. We had been friends before and now embarrassed myself trying to force him to a relationship. Letting him think it all through at least I have Olympic hockey to watch.