Hi all, I'm faced with a little dilemma. I played an online multiplayer game for a number of years and during that got to know a lot of people. Some I have lost contact with, a handful I still speak to. One of those I still speak to quite regular, I've known for around 3-4 of those years, he's now decided along with a friend, to have a trip to my country with the main intention of meeting. The fact is, unfortunately the feeling isn't really mutual. Although I've known him quite a long time, I just don't really want it to escalate to a real life meet. There's several reasons, one being his life away from the computer is completely different to mine. What he considers fun, I dread to think about doing. He can also be a bit aggressive and sharp sometimes, I can handle these online but makes me hesitate about a meet up. Those reasons give the general idea of why (because there is more), but more importantly I'd like to hear some views on how I can approach this one. I don't like to lie. Whilst I would like to avoid this, at least for now, I don't want to end an online friendship because I'm possibly being a bit of a chicken. I'm also (better) friends with his real life friends online (did that make sense? :eusa_doh I certainly don't want to lose touch with them over this.
Be honest, but gentle. Say that you don't like the same interest as him and that you don't want to ruin the friendship by meeting up. If you do meet up, tell him that you just want to be friends. Don't give him the wrong idea, it could lead him on.
If you haven't cammed with him live, he could be anybody. So I'd advise against a meet. If you tell him it's nothing personal but you don't want to risk it, he must understand.
SnowWhite96, Rs wordman I sent u both friend request Also Snowwhite96 I think I know what your name is about see you're prob turning 18 this year and u were born in 1996 so u shortened it and then u must be obsessed with Snow White so u out those 2 things together for fun :icon_bigg
The thing is, you never know who you're actually in contact with online unless you've seen them on web cam or something. Consider telling him that you're not quite comfortable meeting him and that it's nothing personal. He'll probably understand.
The thing is that you know these people online... as someone who used to online date, the online presence/persona can be very very different from the reality. I wouldnt make assumptions about who they are based on what you know about them from interacting online... good or bad. I would just go ahead and meet them and just limit your time with them. Tell them ahead of time that you will have limited time to spend with them. You have every right to do that without explaining why.
Hi guys Thanks all for the advice. I'd like to reiterate a little that this is something I really would prefer not to do. My main dilemma is actually how to go about letting my online friend knowing that this can't happen, in the nicest possible way, without causing any friction. Unfortunately he isn't always the most 'straight forward' character either. Thanks a lot of the advice so far, taken some of it on board and I feel as everyone said, I might need to be honest.
The only real option is to just tell him you want to maintain an online-only friendship; I don't think it's necessary to get into your reasons. It's possible that this will damage your relationship depending on how he reacts, but I think that's only fair. All you can do is be honest about your feelings and he will either be okay with that or not. If you know that you'll never be interested in meeting him I think he has the right to know. Hopefully he's still interested in continuing your online friendship, but that's his decision to make. I have a feeling this is coming across much more hostile than I intend and for that I apologize. All I'm trying to say is it's completely okay if you don't want to meet him, but there's no way to be honest about it and not have the potential for causing your online relationship to deteriorate. And I do recommend being honest. Good luck! I hope it works out for you okay.
i don't know it sounds so intriguing and exciting lol. you don't have to necessarily date. and if that person cares for you so much that he's even made plans to come and visit you don't you think he deserves a better response?lol but sure i'm on your side, just plotting a twist lol... but again think, no harm in meeting
hiya huggy! Thanks for trying to put a spin on things. You're right, things can be surprising and the most unexpected people might turn out to be a life partner. Unfortunately, as I didn't explain clearly enough, this isn't based on dating at all. I play some online games and I know him from there. He has a pretty long-term girlfriend.
If you didn't encourage him to come, then you have no obligation to meet him. Just be direct and say "Sorry, I can't meet you", and you don't even have to give a reason. You could say you prefer online interactions, which is true. If he gets offended, then that's really his problem and maybe you should be honest and just say he seems too aggressive. Don't get stressed out.
I think if you don't want to then just tell them you'd rather not. If he's pushy you can always say you're busy or something
