Why is it so hard to move on from him?

This guy and I have a complicated relationship or whatever you would like to call this which I am about to explain. It all started when he was a freshman last year (sophomore now) and I was a sophomore (junior currently)(we're in college). Anyway, I noticed him after he had liked some of my pictures on Instagram. I followed him and thought he was so handsome. Well, the start of fall semester, we worked together although he worked for a different part of the job. We were both on ******. He eventually asked my name one night and I said yes it's me and asked him the same and we traded numbers. From there, he explained that he had a crush on me for some time. I was happy to hear that. I told him I had the same. From then on out, we would cuddle most nights. The first night we made out and we cuddled. It was wonderful. We continued to cuddle, but he always reminded me that he wasn't looking for anything. I was okay with that (not really because I haven't been in a relationship in a long while and was kinda looking for something).

He would also suppress my expression of feelings towards him. Sometimes if I had said something with a feeling or emotional attachment, he would try to shoot me down. I would deny I was expressing my feelings but I actually was. I liked this guy so much! Better than anyone before. Later on, I started to move on. Eventually I found a new guy, we talked, and we became a couple. I then proceeded to break the news to the guy I was talking about moments ago. When I told him, he looked heartbroken and sad. I kept asking what's wrong and he said nothing. When I left, he text and asked why did I get into a relationship? I told him I was ready and I was and he knew that. He was just upset because he lost his "cuddle buddy". Later that night, he told me to do my job one last time (cuddle). I went over and one thing led to the next and we then had sex. I think it was the best thing we both could've experienced. I had to break up with my boyfriend because of our positions but we still talk. Anyway, the other guy and I proceeded to have sex a couple times and it was always great. I thought we even grew closer. Or was it just me?

I later decided to write him a letter explaining my feelings about him (even before we had sex). He read my letter and then decided we could not have sex anymore and blah blah. We didn't talk for a while until Christmas break. We then rekindled our sexual ventures again in January (it was all him; he came back). I was glad to have him back. Recently, I wanted to have sex with him. I was trying to get him to do it the other night then this happened. He tells me he has a BF. WHAT?!?!?! :bang: When he told me, it took me time to respond but I told him I hope he was happy and have a good relationship. He proceeded to tell me "no, it just the sex life..." but it only ended in us having sex minutes later.

Later that day, everything finally hit me. I became jealous, heartbroken, and confused. I talked to my best friend because he gives great advice. He told me he supports me in whatever decision I decided to make but he said I shouldn't have sex with him anymore. Maybe even not talk to him anymore. Another friend of mine said that same. This guy has put me through so much. I like him SO MUCH and all this time he's been talking to other guys. We weren't together but I thought I still had a chance ya know? I kinda almost cried about it because I like him and he did this to me and I just feel so used. I'm tired of being treated this way. It seems to never fail. Being done with him is so difficult but why?

Why is it so difficult?

 

UPDATE: As you know I was curious to know who this guy was. Turns out him and his ex reconnected and they're together now. That's who this bf is. He said I should try talking to Jay again. I told my best friend about all of this. He agreed I definitely should be done with him now and I am. This info was closure. I'm sure of it. Now I'm ready to be the best me I can be to show him what he lost. :eusa_clap:icon_bigg

 

Thanks so much! It's going to be a process, but I'm ready for what comes next. I realize there's no competition going back to an ex. I think now I'm ready to take action of myself and well being and hit him where it hurts. Revenge is so sweet! (!):icon_bigg