What am I missing?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. fale. you were in the wrong in the past she was being your wing man/woman. in this situation like a few not all straight guys you were internally homer drooling the fantasy of two girls going at it. And that is what set her off i think. and some of my lesbian friends not all are very pro do not objectify us so you stood on a land mine of all kinds of issues. i think that is what set her off. hope this helps

---------- Post added 23rd Feb 2014 at 11:52 PM ----------

hope this helps ish im here if you need more advice.

 

I don't think you did anything wrong. I don't think you owe her any apology.

If it were my friend (who's similar to your friend) I'd tell her to quit being a feminazi and chill. Some guys like to watch lesbian couples, some women like to watch gay male couples. I had a friend in HS who always wanted these two guys to kiss each other.

 

I don't think you did anything wrong, either. I would not doubt in the least bit that she hasn't done the same.

 

Yeah, just check on YT and see how many girls egg their gay guy friends to make out so they can record them, or something similar. She could have been more tactful and said that staring was rude, they're not here for your amusement, etc.

 

You didn't do anything wrong in my eyes. You're straight - you check out girls. I'm gay, I check out guys. Its called being human and having urges Now if you were staring at them like Wile-E-Coyote stares at the Road Runner when he's hungry I might understand them being a little squicked out, but if all you did was appreciate their beauty to you or whatever, I see no harm. This girl who got offended sounds like something of a hypocrite honestly. Can she say she's never done anything similar? I highly doubt so...

 

I agree with others, I don't think u did anything wrong and I think its even good that u can speak with your friend like that.
Maybe she is still has her own problems being accepted so when u said that it seems to her like u was making fun of her sexuality ?
I think u acted good u said u didn't had any intention of hurting her and u obviously not homophob, but maybe u can ask her some time to figure out why she was tipped off maybe its something more than that

 

I'm a lesbian and don't believe you did anything wrong with a normal behavior. You are human and straight. Many straight men love to look at two women. Nothing is wrong with that. Your friend might just be protective of the two that we're making out. Some ladies are sensitive to other ladies showing affection in public. I for one with my partner do NOT show affection for reasons of others watching or hating. But everyone is different.

Though you did nothing wrong by your stare, you did the right thing to apologize to keep the peace with your friend. Something so small should not interrupt a friendship between two people.

Just know now that she is sensitive to the fact and try to be more discrete about watching/looking.

 

I don't think we can tell you if you were in the right or wrong. I think it would be best to have a conversation with your friend about what happened and why she was uncomfortable. Understand her point of view here and try to appreciate it, even if you disagree. You're still entitled to disagree with her but try to respect her position, too.

Personally, I'd be a bit put off by that, too, because it would feel like these girls making out were a form of entertainment instead of a couple expressing their feelings. But that's just me. Ask your friend what bothered her so you can apologize earnestly if you want to.

Also, I disagree with Data - don't call her a 'feminazi'. That term equates genocide to demanding basic human rights and dignity. No matter how radical someone may be about women's rights, it's not a fair or even appropriate comparison.

 

It is a fine line.

There's nothing wrong with appreciating someone else's body, it's human nature to do so. But the problem she most likely had with what you did, is that "checking out" a woman, with your interest solely being in a sexual way, is objectifying, particularly if she's not interested in you in return (which, I'm presuming, these two women were not). Just in case you're not sure what your friend meant by that, "objectifying" someone is removing their identity and dignity from your idea of who they are, and only focusing on them as an object; what you want them to do for you, without respect for their wishes. It's treating someone like something you own.

Maybe you personally wouldn't be offended if somebody were ogling you, but women tend to get a lot of that, and it's frustrating after a while. It's something that men do a lot (don't get me wrong, women do it to men sometimes too), and the culture needs to change. Your friend has a right to be sensitive to this, and you should apologize, but you also shouldn't beat yourself up too much about it. It wasn't your intention to be crude, and you didn't hurt the women much because you didn't act on it.

 

If you think this is something that happens "sometimes", then you don't know women that well lol. Quite honestly, I haven't met a women who didn't oogle men (or women if that was their interest).

I was instant messaging a friend of mine one night and she asked me if I wanted to "look at hot women" with her. Few months later, we were talking about the various types of pictures that pop up on our tumblr dash.

Same goes for a lot of women I've met. Will be sitting in a chat and they'll be all talking about who they think is attractive/who they're attracted to.

Frankly, there's nothing wrong with it if you're just sitting there oogling. Not only is it a part of human nature, it's part of how people get up the courage to talk to someone else. It's only bad when the oogler gives unwanted attention, but that's not limited to men. Women do it to.

 

i agree. she was pointing out women for you get to know as a person not to watch as a porno flick.

 

Anybody who is in your face talking about "objectifying women" and how you're "making fun of lesbian love" is a feminazi in my eyes. I like the term. It describes a feminist who is dictatorial in her ways. It's her way or the highway, like the 3rd Reich.

Don't agree? Fine. I don't care.

You get by in life by not rocking the boat. This woman is rocking the boat and fighting with her friend. I dislike people like that very much.

 

Aren't you privileged, that you think you get by by not rocking the boat. I wonder where all the slaves in the US would be today, had they not rocked the boat. I wonder what would have happened to the battered women who stood up to their abusive husbands, had they not "rocked the boat" and left, what would have happened to the next woman in line had he not been put into prison.

Fighting for personal human rights is not comparable to genocide.

 

I can't say that someone staring at someone else and having mental fantasies is compared to slavery or spousal abuse.

Absolutely no one is harmed if I look at a guy and think that whatever it is he's doing is hot. Hell. That's why I used to sit in a certain alcove at my college. Not because it had a tv, but because I could stare at all the guys working out in the gym. Did the world implode because I happened to do that for a few semesters? Nope.

Now, had I gone up and started making lecherous comments or something, then that would have been different.

 

Just to clarify, I was referring to the term "feminazi" being used to denounce feminism as unnecessary. This is a useful graphic image that may help you.

Robot Hugs - Privilege

When the original poster's friend expressed concern over his objectification of the two women, it wasn't meant to insinuate that he had somehow caused great harm simply by looking; it was a warning because looking in that way is something that makes a lot of women uncomfortable, and if taken too far, in the way that it constantly is in this culture, leads to a multitude of other, bigger problems.

 

Anytime someone brings up privilege, I can no longer take them seriously in a discussion. I've long since gotten tired of people playing the privilege olympics and shaming/attacking people over it.

 

Maybe you should read the graphic, as attacking was not what I meant to do. I was bringing up a valid point.

 

I did. However, here, when people start bringing up privilege, it almost always turns into the olympics over who's more privileged and how people should be ashamed of themselves for having it.

 

Blah blah blah. I agree with Sarcastic, you bring up privilege and I don't even want to hear it. I am not extraordinarily priveleged at all, and how would you know anyway, hmmm?

You can go join the group standing over there that consists of rabid feminists who take any opportunity they can to shove their opinions down your throat.

Staring at someone and thinking they're hot is no reason to shift into feminazi mode and get into a fight WITH A FRIEND no less! It just coincides with the image that militant feminists produce where they'll crawl up your ass on a moment's notice for something insignificant.

I'm sick of it. It needs to be given a rest already.