Last week my girlfriend overdosed on antidepressants when she was in my house. She has a history of depression and was quite recently bereaved. Our relationship, while still young (4 months), has been rocky at best for the past little while, and I had been feeling like it was bringing us more problems than it did happiness. When it happened, I called an ambulance and we were taken to the emergency room where we stayed overnight. Afterwords we had a long talk about what had happened and I told her that I felt like I would be best supporting her in a platonic role until she had suitable help arranged as I feel like the romantic element was already making things more complicated that is good for either of us, and that we could perhaps revisit that possibility if a time arose in the future where it felt right. However, I'm worried I'm giving her even more to worry about in what is already a difficult time, but equally I doubt that I would be able to support her in a healthy and appropriate way if I did not have this conversation. Since then, she has been trying to get me to change my mind, which is obviously a little tricky considering I do have feelings for her and I do care about her, but I still can't help feeling like this is probably better for the both of us just now. Any honest advise on this situation would be much appreciated - am I being too selfish?
Wow. That really sucks...(sorry I'm not good with appropriate expressions for this sort of thing...sorry!) Anyway about you being selfish. Ask yourself this. Knowing that you " had been feeling like it was bringing us more problems than it did happiness. ", if she hadn't have done this, how long would it have been before you were having this sort of conversation anyway? I'm guessing it would have happened fairly soon if you really thought things were going bad. In which case, you're not being selfish, it's just unfortunate timing...but you've said you will support her in a platonic way which is good!
Honestly, I think people with serious problems with depression aren't ready for relationships. It's one thing if you've been in one for a while and become depressed later, but if you're severely depressed before entering a relationship, it isn't healthy. You need to love yourself and walk on your own feet before others will love you....otherwise the other person gets stressed and feels more like a therapist. I feel sorry that she did what she did though. I think you did the right thing, and she needs a real therapist before a relationship comes. You can always get back together later.
As much as i hate to contradict some really good advice, as someone who is the depressed person in my relationship, I wouldn't be here still if my significant other left me for a break. But that's us, and I try my best to keep my problems to myself but it's still nice to have someone who loves you when you hate yourself. Likewise when I entered the relationship we were both pretty depressed. She's a tons better now, and she's gotten me away from self harm for the most part. But then again neither of us have therapists or meds. A suicide attempt (or accident) is something very stressful, and if she is willing to go that far it might be time to think about yourself. When people end up in hospitals...damn. Depression isn't as easy to fix as it may seem. And depressed people have every right to try and pursue a relationship just as mentally stable people do. Because depression is a mental illness in it's own way. Depressed people can sometimes use their significant others like therapists, or they can use them like support. I am not going to ask my sweetheart why I can't sleep at night, but if she asks what's wrong I'll tell her. But there's a difference, I've been with this person 17 months. 4 months isn't very long. OP, she has answered the question for you. OD ing is a set back, so in your case, I'd let her work it out. If she was making progress it'd be different.
How did they not keep her in the psych ward? She overdosed on meds, I think it would have benefited her to stay for at least a week as hard as it may have been on you. I took my wife to the hospital a few years ago when she was severely depressed and started cutting herself. She was kept for about a week or two and it was so hard to be away from her, it was an extremely trying situation but she ended up getting better. It was a hard road but in the end she was able to find the help she needed at the time. When people have depression they will try to fight getting the help they need because they don't want to see or talk to anyone. Try to push her to get the help she needs.
Don't worry, I do agree with you. I'm not at all saying that depressed people should be abandoned by their partners. I've had depression like that before and It's awesome to have the support of loved ones, because like you said it is a mental illness deserving of love just as much. I just think in extreme cases (such as this), especially when they haven't been together for very long and one partner may feel their problems are too much of a burden for both of them to deal with on top of the hardships relationships have...she may need the help before balancing a relationship.
It is very difficult to keep a client on an inpatient unit against their will. Every 24 hours a paper called a petition has to be filled out. These are legally binding documents. In order to have someone petitioned they have to be a serious danger to themselves 'in the moment." If at the moment it is deemed that she was no longer a serious threat to herself or others the petition cannot be legally binding and can lead to serious violations. The criteria someone has to meet are serious danger to themselves, serious danger to other WITH a specific target of their hostile plan, in profound deep psychosis or they are so psychologically acute that they cannot care for their basic needs such as eating and bathroom OP Look don't regret the past. Yes in all reality I would have waited but just be genuine with her. Explain that you will still always be her rock. The fact is someone who is extremely depressed or suicidal need to work on themselves first then relationships. Which isn't to say a depressed person doesn't deserve a relationship, merely that they need some time to work on them. Just be the support
Over here it's almost mandatory if you end up in the ER for something like that. She did say she took her to the ER after it happened, seems urgent enough to admit them. My wife was evaluated and within an hour of arriving there we were told she had to stay. She was not out of her mind or acting out of control but the fact that she cut herself was enough for them to take her in. The cuts were not deep either, but they were visible. I think it's even riskier with pills. Cutters can be cutters their entire lives and never kill themselves, but with pills you don't know when you're going to take the last dose or what it's doing to your insides.
