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How to learn to trust?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Anonymous19, Feb 27, 2014.

  1. Anonymous19

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    I've realized that I have trust issues. I often put up a wall and this ultimately isolates me from everyone. I don't want to be alone and quite frankly I hate it. But everyone I've gotten close to in my life has either done something to hurt me or just up and left my life. Now I have a really hard time finding good in anyone. I had a few opportunities to make some new friends, which would be great to have since I don't have any right now. The problem is I found myself not letting myself get close to these people. I just automatically assume that nobody cares or they are using me or only talking to me to make fun of me. I just feel as though the world is every man for themselves. Is this not the case? Are there people out there who actually care? To me it seems as though people care about you or your problems for only a second and then go on thinking "that sucks for them, but it's not my problem". I have so much pain and loneliness inside me and no Way to let it out. I feel no one cares enough for me to confide in them. Any tips on creating a more positive outlook and maybe trusting people? Does anyone else feel this way?
     
  2. KindaSad

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    I've been having the same problem... In fact it seems as though I'm losing friends left and right.

    I guess the best advice I can offer you is to not give up on people. Make small talk with as many people as you can, get somewhat friendly with them, and then see if things go anywhere. Sad as this may sound, faking a positive outlook may also be a good idea; not to the extent that you're covering up your real personality, but nice people are more inclined to talk to those who also seem nice.

    You're going to get hurt a lot when you trust people. And right now, because you're lonely, you're probably going to end up in the situation I'm in where my best friend barely sees me as a friend at all. But it's okay. I'm glad I have a little glimmer of hope in someone who gives somewhat of a shit rather than nothing at all.

    Just get out there and keep trying until you connect with someone. I'm sure things will get better!
     
  3. Fallingdown7

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    I've felt that way for ages. I'm seeing a good therapist now that's helping me though.

    Honestly, trust is hard when you feel jaded.

    If you want to get close to someone I suggest taking it slow. Casual conversation, not revealing too much about yourself.
     
  4. quicksplash

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    I also feel this way. Jaded, is what you could call it I guess.

    something to ponder:
    Is what we perceive a reflection of our actions/beliefs?
    Like a self-reinforcing circle, where we do one action/inaction because we think a certain thing, and that action causes feedback that supports our belief. and it becomes a cycle.
    like,eg if I don't smile cuz I think no one wants my friend. But because I don't smile, no one smiles back. So then I'd think that I was right, no one wants to be my friend.

    I know that its really hard to put oneself in a vulnerable spot, but maybe thats what one needs to do.
    I'm still struggling with this myself, so idk...
    (*hug*)
     
  5. softsprite

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    I've felt this way my whole life. But there are some very good, sweet, patient and understanding people in this world. I've been blessed with a couple of friends and lovers who have insisted on staying close even as I pushed them away, and they changed my life. Don't get too down, because there is hope. There are people out there who will show you the kind of gentleness and compassion you deserve. There are people who will never give up on you. Loneliness is hard and I thought once I would die from it, until this angelic woman came along and changed my life. After that, I'd sink back in sometimes but then another friend would come along and pull me up. Don't lose hope!
     
  6. OGS

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    I guess I don't know how you can start trusting people. For me it was something that developed over time, something I worked at. But I can say you should try to--and that it's worth it. I really do trust people, in general, and I really do feel that it makes my life a better place to live. Don't get me wrong--I'm not handing out my banking passwords, but I believe people are good. I believe people will at least attempt to do what they say. I believe people genuinely want good things for the people around them--sometimes they are confused about what is "good" but it doesn't change the basic fact that they care about people around them.

    I remember when I was young and lived with my parents they had this car and when you turned off the car the lights would stay on for a minute or two so you could get to your door. I think this is fairly standard now, but it was fancy/unusual at the time. And every time I parked that car in a parking garage someone would remind me that I had left my lights on. And it used to irritate me because I hadn't. They were mistaken about what was the best thing for me in that situation, but it really didn't change the fact that everywhere I went complete strangers were worried that my battery would die. I think life is a lot like parking that car--and it's very easy to mistake not understanding for not caring, and once you've done that you will never share enough for anyone to understand. And from that place it really does look like the world is full of people that just don't care.

    I believe people decide not to trust to protect themselves, but in the end it just doesn't add up. Yeah, some people are going to hurt you if you trust them. But, in my experience, so many more people are going to open up and really care for you once you make the leap to trust them. People decide not to trust because they don't want bad things in their lives, but by not trusting people they shut out most of the good things too. And, again, maybe I just live some sort of charmed life but the world is so much more full of good things (and people) than bad.

    Good luck!
     
  7. Ettina

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    I care. I don't know you, but just looking at what you've written here, I feel sad for you and hope you find someone.
     
  8. Anonymous19

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    Hey guys just wanted to say thanks for the responses and advice. Sorry it's been so long since I posted. I didn't realize I had replies to this thread for some reason I didn't get any email notification letting me know. Anyway, I appreciate the advice and I am trying my best to make friends. I can't get to a happy place on my own, I know. Making friends is much harder said than done unfortunately lol. Hopefully things will start to work out for me soon. I'm ready to be happy again.
     
  9. PatrickUK

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    Sometimes, forums like this can help in the process of building trust. You can talk/type from a comfortable position and say as much or as little as you wish. If people take time to reply, it means they have read what you had to say and cared enough to respond - yay, you've got a receptive audience! Taking that into account can give you a positive handle on a negative situation, and god knows, you need that when you've experienced so much negativity.

    I don't know what you've been through, but it sounds like there is a lot of pain tucked up inside. Take things slowly and know that there are genuine people out there who do care. It might not feel that way when you've had stuff thrown back in your face too many times, but it is true that people really do care. I hope you find some of those people.
     
  10. FlyRider02

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    Good!

    If you're ready, then that's a start. I have a friend, and she's really good at saying encouraging stuff like that.

    Focus on the fact that you are ready to be happy. Just doing one or two little things a day that make you happy can change your outlook little by little.

    It is VERY hard to get to a happy place on our own when we feel so lonely. I feel you, I really do.

    Other people cannot 'make,' you happy, but they can sit with you in the dark and hold you, encouraging you and being there for you in your unhappiness. They can be with you while you work through the crap of life, while you work on finding little pockets of happiness for yourself.....little pieces of what makes you, you. :slight_smile:


    That make sense?


    That's what can happen when you trust people. (Haha, I don't even know why I'm saying this when I have the same problems lol), but no one deserves to be alone. Yes, it is scary as HELL. It is so scary, to accept compliments, and other peoples' love, and that they actually care.


    If they didn't care, why would they hang around so much? Yes, people leave and grow and change. But it's okay....sometimes, I think that's just called living. And even trusting in one person is better than being alone.


    And you're not alone. Trust me. :slight_smile:

    I hope things get better. Stuff takes time, but I think you will be okay. And I will be okay. And maybe, someday, people will learn to love other people better.