Being Gay & and a bottom

If you're happy being a bottom and your boyfriend is happy with you being a bottom, why is it anyone else's business?

It's one thing if your friends are trying to be helpful and are suggesting that you try topping because they think you would really enjoy it and it makes them happy to direct you to a new source of pleasure or fun that they think you will enjoy. Think suggesting you try a new restaurant or see a movie you haven't seen before or whatever. But that's really as far as it needs to go. You are not a child who they are trying to talk into eating his vegetables after all.

If you're asking how to get them to shut up about it - since I gather this issue keeps coming up you could:

a) Lie - The next time the subject comes up after your boyfriend gets back, just say you both tried switching roles and confirmed its just not your thing. You might want to talk to your boyfriend about this so he knows what's going on and you can keep your stories coordinated. Note that this isn't my preferred option, but it is an option.

b) Make it short and sweet - "Nope - I'm not into that." and then change the subject. Or - "Nope - we're not into that" since you're part of a couple. Changing the subject (and doing so in an offhand confident way, the way you'd dismiss a suggestion to eat a food you don't like or have a cup of coffee when you don't drink coffee or the like - makes it clear that this isn't a topic worth expending conversation time on.

You also want to state things in a confident manner and tone. Your sexual tastes are something that's a part of you and not something you need to either apologize for or be defensive about. So don't do either, either directly or by implication.

If your friends continue to push, then they are frankly violating your personal boundaries and the boundaries of good taste and friendship and you may want to consider finding other people to be friends with. There is a point at which trying to be helpful shifts over into trying to bend someone to your will and they will have passed that point if they keep pushing on this issue.

My 2c worth,

Todd

 

I don't think you should share such intimate details of your relationship with your friends; it is not their business. It is kind of intrusive of them to be making that kind of suggestions to you. So, first of all, start by sharing a little less with your social circle, and second, if you feel you need to have this conversation with your boyfriend, then do so, although it seems that both of you are okay with the way things are right now.

If your friends feel so entitled to give their opinion in those matters, perhaps they should also start helping you pay your living expenses as well. Nosy people... let me tell you... :tantrum:

 

I don't really think it's their business who does what in your relationship, to be perfectly honest.

I am exclusively a top, my boyfriend is exclusively a bottom. The couple of times we attempted to switch, I was miserable and he couldn't keep it up. I'd only tried it because I felt like I owed it to him. He made it clear that he didn't want to switch and I shouldn't feel like I owed him anything when it came to sex. Sex is supposed to be mutual and what you both want. If you want to bottom and he wants to top, great, leave it that way if that's what makes you happy.

 

I don't believe it has anything to do with keeping these matters more personal. Should you want to be completely open with others about sexual topics, then that is perfectly fine. Personally, I am as well; however, being a very open person requires a fair amount of confidence and self-trust.

The only two opinions that matter in the bedroom are those of you and your partner. There is no right or wrong way to be intimate as long as both parties are left feeling content. I would make it clear to them that there is nothing wrong with having specific preferences in the bedroom and it is simpleminded of them to believe that everyone should learn to be versatile.

 

Hi neighbor! It really only matters what you and your boyfriend decide is appropriate for your relationship. If you choose to share information with friends, then be prepared for unsolicited advice. Just politely thank them, or just tell them you and your boyfriend are getting along just fine being yourselves. Besides, if your boyfriend is a total top as you describe and you're both happy then no harm no foul.

Just get plenty of rest over the next 2 weeks while you're waiting for him to get home so you're ready to play catch up. (!)