1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Living with a friend

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by RedDev84, Mar 1, 2014.

  1. RedDev84

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2014
    Messages:
    276
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hey all

    I'd love to share this on here especially due to my closet which is firmly shut at the moment, as this could happen as soon as this year (sounds a long time, but keep reading because it's not a simple thing to arrange)

    I've been speaking a lot over the last year or so to a friend over the idea that we could live together, sharing a house. We'd both be working when this would possibly come to fruition so therefore we'd share paying rent, bills etc.

    We're both super keen on the idea, in fact frustrated like hell that it can't happen sooner.

    We can see so so so so many advantages of it. We're aware of some possible banana skins, but nothing that we feel couldn't be solved.

    My main points I'd like to hear from you all are:

    • Quite simply, I might need a little bringing down to the ground with the whole thing, perhaps there are issues that can happen with this that I am not aware of that you guys have experienced or can think of?
    • My friend is straight, and has no idea I'm gay. I feel obligated that I will have to come out to him for the sake of fairness. I could imagine if he discovered that 6 months or more into moving together that I was gay, he'd probably be concerned I wanted to become housemates for more than just "friends" reasons. I'm not like that though, although I would be open to a relationship, I'm fully aware he's straight and that's fine, we're just good friends in my eyes."

    Would be great to hear some thoughts guys/girls!
     
  2. mbanema

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2014
    Messages:
    1,485
    Likes Received:
    30
    Location:
    MA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    If you're good friends I think it will be fun and probably a great way to split the costs of living. My biggest concern would be if one of you is really neat and organized and the other is a total slob, leaves dirty dishes everywhere, etc. I've seen a couple of my friends get really pissed at each other over that.

    I do think you should come out to him before moving in together though. Not because he might misinterpret if you do it afterwards, but because living together will probably give you an excuse not to do it later. In the unlikely event that he's not okay with it, it's much less traumatic to find out now than to have one of you feel you have to move out later and have your whole life shaken up. I don't know, maybe that's just the way I think -- if the potential negative consequences are higher you're more likely to avoid coming out.

    Good luck! :slight_smile:
     
  3. RedDev84

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2014
    Messages:
    276
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hey there mbanema

    I think you're spot on, especially with the idea if he happened to not be OK with it.

    I've prodded and probed the subject of homosexuality etc, but I can't and still fail to get a real idea of his views on it, that being whether he's totally fine with gay people, or completely disgusted by the idea. I obviously hope for the latter.

    But as you say, it just makes way more sense to come out before, rather than after. The difficult part I guess would be telling him, being as I've told no one yet and still don't want to :confused:
     
  4. KWDBM

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2014
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Arizona
    For the sake of completeness, some "having a roommate" things you should consider:

    -- Level of cleanliness, slob vs super-clean won't work out too well. Also, in general who's supposed to keep the kitchen/living-room/common areas clean? Trading duties every week, month, etc might help.

    -- Bills. Normally it's fine to just split bills down the middle, or something equally as easy. But sometimes certain bills should be talked over, to make sure you're on the same page (the huge issue I'm thinking of that I had: Electricity bill that skyrocketed almost *double* because of a roommate who insisted on having the A/C on All The Time...)

    -- You already seem to know this person fairly well, so hopefully you both know each other's personalities, if there will be parties or lots of friends over, etc. Possibly talk about what kind of boundaries should be in place if one of you has a partner over.

    -- TV? This may be a moot point if you guys have certain internet services or whatever, but do you both have a tv? Having one tv in a house with a roommate is just not fun, believe me.
     
  5. RedDev84

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2014
    Messages:
    276
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    This is some really good thoughts, thank you.

    - Cleanliness, I hope we'd be able to sort this among ourselves. I'm not sure, it maybe one of things we need to arrange as you said.

    - Bills is certainly something I hadn't forgotten. As a large user of my computer, I expect this might be one of the higher bills. We'd certainly need to discuss this I feel, as you mentioned.

    - Parties & friends coming over is certainly something we'd need to discuss. I'm not really keen on the idea, especially as we'd be renting, so wouldn't own the property. Unless it was a simple sort of 'movie night' or something, but I don't want a huge rave going on all night.

    - TV is certainly something to think about, thanks for that because I hadn't thought of it. I'm not sure what to do about this, because it's not so much the actual TV screen which could be the issue, more the box which provides the channels!

    Thanks again for these thoughts, really appreciate it. :thumbsup:

    Open & welcome anymore if someone has some!