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How do I ask my GF to finger me? (bi male, mono relationship)

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by bloom, Mar 3, 2014.

  1. bloom

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    I am a bisexual male in a 2 year committed, monogamous, loving relationship with my girlfriend. I am earnestly interested in ass-play, particularly in prostate massages. This interest is stemmed from personal experiences and I know that it can make me feel incredible. I have felt nervous, anxious, even uncomfortable with bringing up the subject due to something she said near the beginning of our relationship. We were at a friend's house and we were discussing art-house films. She brought up a movie in which a man asks his wife to finger him, and his wife is repulsed by the experience, and my girlfriend said she was grossed out. She's fine with my bisexuality, but it seems like she may be turned off by sexual practices commonly associated with homosexuality. I don't know for sure, but this is what I gather. How do I discuss this with her? Is it worth disrupting a balanced relationship? We've been together for so long, how do I explain to her why I'm only bringing it up now?

    PS: if anyone happens to know the name of the film I described, please share! I think it was a series of vignettes. One of the others involved a teenage son murdering his parents in their bed. Sorry if that's a tad gruesome.
     
    #1 bloom, Mar 3, 2014
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2014
  2. LibraryKitten

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    A lot of women seem to be grossed out by ass-play, and I honestly can't say I'm much different, but I know it turns me on a lot to know that I'm satisfying my partner. Men's bodies are different than women's in a lot of ways, including the fact that the prostate is located close to your anus, which means that ass-play is generally very pleasurable for men (regardless of their sexuality). It doesn't mean she should worry about homosexuality if you ask about that. If you like having a girl stimulate you there, it in no way means that you'd rather it was a guy.

    Maybe if you bring it up to her, you should just be honest with her that you were worried about her reaction, but that you'd like to spice up your sex life with her. Explain about the part I mentioned in the first paragraph, and she'll probably warm up to the idea after a while. I don't think it should disrupt your relationship too much, especially if it leads to better sex. XD Good luck!
     
  3. Fallingdown7

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    I never understood why sexual acts are associated with sexuality to be honest....
    Even completely straight men can enjoy prostate stimulation and they're still straight as long as they're attracted to women doing it to them. Maybe you can bring that up?

    When I identified as straight, I actually hated PiV sex with a passion and only was interested in fingering or pegging men (Or handjobs/oral). It certainly didn't make me any less interested in men just because I didn't like it the traditional way at the time.

    Tell her you just find it pleasurable and you want to spice up your sex life :wink:
     
  4. StellaLea

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    I have been with people who had sexual fetishes and arousals that I couldnt quite grasp and one of them is certainly ass-play, but I think two people need to meet sexual compromises. I'm very lucky me and my gf share all the same interests in the bedroom. But do you live with your gf? Have you done kinky stuff before? If you work up to ass-play she might
    openly do it.
     
  5. bloom

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    @librarykitten & @fallingdown7
    thank you so much for your insight and advice! I'll definitely keep it in mind when I try to talk to her about it.

    @StellaLea
    Yes, we've lived together for a bit more than a year. We haven't done anything I think anyone could consider kinky, which is another reason I have never brought it up. Actually, I was even thinking of suggesting she use a toy instead since it would maybe gross her out less, buy neither of us use or own any kind of toy, so that might be even more strange for her to envision.
     
  6. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    Are you interested in pegging? She wouldn't have to use actual body parts and you could get full body intimacy that way if you wanted :slight_smile:
     
  7. SemiCharmedLife

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    Would she be comfortable with you fingering yourself while she did other things to you? That might get her used to the idea of anal stimulation.
     
  8. bloom

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    Exceedingly interested! I fantasize about it frequently. Definitely a point I would love to bring up should the conversation last that long

    ---------- Post added 3rd Mar 2014 at 08:03 PM ----------

    @SemiCharmedLife
    That's a good point, maybe that would be more comfortable for her? It's so hard to tell.