In third grade I switched schools, and in fourth grade I met her, Johanna, and we quickly became friends and i joined her little circle of close friends, Gabby and Ally, the popular social butterflies, Johanna, who let us call her Yoyo, the quiet emotional one, and then there was me, the loud class clown tomboy. In fifth grade Gabby was still our friend but kind of drifted off on her own, so it was just Ally, Yoyo, and me. Eventually we made it to middle school, and in sixth grade Yoyo came out as bisexual. I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness, so i was pretty much a little drone spewing bigoted remarks, although in retrospect I guess i always was different, when Ally, Gabby, and Yoyo all had crushes on boys(as far as I knew) I never just felt those feelings for boys, women's bodies were just more appealing and their personalities as well, for me, although I was vaguely attracted to some boys. When Yoyo came out I was surprised, I told her I supported her, and I comforted her, and said I had to go and quickly left. The next day I treated her as usual, but in my head all my anti-gay thoughts were clashing with my friendship with her, but eventually those closed-minded thoughts went away, but that left something else. A sort of clarity, i suppose that's when I started feeling a bit angry that Yoyo wasn't attracted to me, and I realized I was bi, but I couldn't come out. My mother, though I don't live with her would disown me, shun me, hate me, try to "fix" me. Soon puberty kicked in and I was standing in school on the first day of seventh grade with the height and body of the average 17 year old female, Yoyo was lean but also bony in some areas (her back and ribs) and average height for that age (12-13), Ally stopped being my friend in 6th grade but she and Yoyo were still friends and Yoyo was still my friend. Then Yoyo got her first girlfriend, although she'd dated many boys before her, Yoyo trusted me with all her secrets, all her thoughts, all her feelings, I felt so guilty, I knew by then I loved her the most, but if I told her everything would shatter, everything I cherished. So every time we had a sleepover, which have been the same since 4th grade, where we share one bed both facing the same way, with her back to me and i rub her back(because she can't sleep if someone doesn't), I had to act like it wasn't making my heart beat, like it didn't make me want to hug her. And when we finally reached ninth grade she moved away a quarter into the school year, but she chose to leave, she moved away to her aunt's house 350 miles away, she chose to leave me here. And she doesn't even call me anymore, or text me. I miss her so much, and I'm mad too. I kind of want to a.) come out to her, and b.)confess to her. But if I do there are two options 1.( she likes me too and our friendship still crumbles, and 2.) she doesn't like me and our friendship shatters.
