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High School Locker Room

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by nichison, Mar 4, 2014.

  1. nichison

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    I am currently a junior in high school and completely out to my school (not by choice). I have gym every Tuesday, Thursday, and every other Friday. The locker room is really awkward for me because of the assumption that because I'm gay, I want to f**k every single guy I see. I don't, by the way. I try to quickly get changed and just walk out, I always look the other direction when someone else is undressed.

    Ever since I was outed, people have been treating me a lot differently in the locker room. One guy will grab his crotch, smile at me and lick his lips (despite his repeated "I'm not no god damn faggot" claims), another guy just calls me a fag all the time, one time I was walking out of the locker room and somebody asked his friend "Was that homo staring at our butts", and every time I walk out to the front part where most of the athletes get changed, they go dead silent, only talking again when I leave.

    This is really getting on my nerves. I already have anxiety,depression, and anger issues and this isn't helping at all. If I wasn't on expulsion order I would have gotten into a fight about it already. I just want this to stop but have no idea how to get it to. My gym teacher never does anything about bullying, in fact he just punishes the victim fight back, and I have gone to the school about bullying for the past five years and exept for one case, where this guy was touching my junk and tried to kiss me, they have never helped me. Does anyone have advice on how to deal with this. Sorry for such a long post.
     
  2. GayDadStr8Marig

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    nichison, if you are not being supported by the teachers and administration in the building have your parents go to the superintendent, school board. If they aren't responsive, tell them you will review legal action... talk to local police, talk to media, whatever you need to get their attention. you have the same right.to a safe environment at school as everyone else. it does not have to be this way. bit please do not get yourself expelled due to violence, that does not help your case at all.

    if you can, keep us updated on what is happening, ok? since I live in Wisconsin I have a vested interest in making sure this is handled right for you. my kids are in public school too and I.would raise all kinds of unholy hell on any administrator or teacher that allowed this to happen to one of my kids. :tantrum:

    take care, be safe. :thumbsup:
     
  3. Rosepetal

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    Talk to ur parents about nd take the gentleman`s advice also
     
  4. nichison

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    I have gone to my mom about this before and she pretty much gave me the "boys will be boys" thing. Then she told me to just go to the school about it, even though she knows that they've never done anything. I can't go to the cops because most work with the school or are in the school, and the other one is my stepdads good friend and my stepdad is very uncomfortable with my sexuality. Yes we only have three cops in my town. And I have no idea how to go to the media. Is this even something I can go to the cops or media about?
     
  5. Rosepetal

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    yes u can ,ur 16 yrs old u shouldnt have to go thru this alone
     
  6. Stridenttube

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    Call the school district office, I've done that before and things got sorted rather quickly...
     
  7. greatwhale

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  8. ZenMusic

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    I get this as well, but not as extreme as it seems you have. Straight to the school board is what I'd say. Are there any teachers that know of your sexuality and support you?
     
  9. nichison

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    Only one, my study hall teacher. He always has my back whenever i need help, whether it's school or personal issues, he even asked me if I needed someone to talk to when I was initially outed.

    Im really nervous about talking about this, though I did talk to the guy that grabbed his crotch around me and he told me he would stop, so that's a start. Is the people going silent whenever I walk by bullying though? Im not sure myself, but I know the guy calling me a fag and the remark that the other guy made is. It's really uncomfortable talking about this in person because it's very embarrassing, I usually cry when I talk about it just because I feel embarrassed and I think I brought it on myself. All this even brought back old depression, I havent had it like this since last May. I feel like this is my fault because if I never would have came out to my so called "best friend", this would have never happened.
     
  10. Hiems

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    I am assuming that you told him/her to keep it on the down low, and that person violated that promise. So it is not your fault. If a friend decided to out me, then I would immediately end that friendship and probably never trust that person again.

    Along with suggestions posted above, I suggest talking to your study hall teacher if he seems like someone who could help you.
     
  11. nichison

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    About the guy that outed me, we are no longer friends. He also now has no friends and a schoolwide reputation as a douchebag and a snitch. Ain't karma a bitch.

    As for talking to my teacher, how would I bring it up? I would really feel awkward talking to him,or anyone,about this. My biggest fear is that he will go to the school about this because they will never beleive me. There's four of them I know would lie to save themselves and one I'm not sure if they would. The only person that would defend me is my actual best friend (not the same one who outed me). The guys I'm dealing with are the popular, athletic, preppy guys in my grade and I know the school would beleive them over me. They didn't do anything about the guy that said that "faggots like me deserve to be beaten to death and thrown in a dumpster" and told people that me and all my friends are gay. I am, my friends aren't. They didn't even give him a warning, and then they told me that I shouldn't take it to heart and that I need to give people time to adjust to the change. I just don't know how to talk to them about it and I certainly dont trust the school to do anything about it.

    By the way, sorry these posts are so long, they're the only way I can get my true feelings out and be able to talk without fear of being judged or mocked.
     
  12. Emberblaze

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    Hey man. For starters, trust me, your posts aren't long.

    Sorry about the mess you're in. High schoolers can be a bunch of assholes, I know. In this situation, I'm guessing your best bet IS probably going to be to talk to that teacher. But ya know, tell him to keep it on the down low and all (though, I know you've had that trust broken already...).

    As for the guys that are being silent, mmmrm, at first glance it doesn't seem like bullying. Do they do anything else other than just suddenly go silent?

    I know what it can be to have rage issues and deal with insufferable people... I want to just say "ignore them, they'll have no strength if you show no care for what they say, blah blah." But look, I know how it is. What you're going to have to do is be the stronger person and the bigger person.
    I wanna say "Stand up for yourself and tell them you don't like what they're saying." But, that can just make things worse.

    What I hate to have to say is, you're probably just going to have to ignore these fuckers. Honestly, I can't offer you much advice that won't probably lead to them being worse or overall leading to violence. Let's try and ignore that road, right...

    (*hug*)
     
  13. nichison

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    I've only looked at them once when I was walking by, and that led them to beleive I wanted their ass.:eusa_doh:. But from what I saw they were all just looking at each other and looking really uncomfortable. I try to walk by the wall and either look at the wall or the floor. I really don't want to see them swinging their junk around like they always do.
     
  14. Hiems

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    I am certain that adjusting to the change is not going to happen unless those students are reprimanded. Then they will realize the consequences of bullying. That's why you should try contacting the school district office like Stridenttube said.

    Despite your study hall teacher possibly going to the school about it, which would probably be a lost cause at the end of the day, I would still talk to him because you'll have someone who will defend you at least.

    Do you have a guidance counselor at your school? I would visit them and see what they can do to help. I remember my guidance counselor always had a open door for me whenever I needed help with something academically related, so I do hope that there's one at your school who can assist.
     
  15. nichison

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    My guidance counselor is the one who let the guy who outed me off without even a warning, told me that I need to give people time, and refused to help me with bullying for five years. I don't trust, like, or respect her at all.
     
  16. GayDadStr8Marig

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    I'm really disgusted by the building administration at this school. First, go talk to your study hall teacher. Get him up to speed on the whole timeline, who you told, how you were outed, the repercussions with gym class and the hallway and everything else. At that point he becomes obligated to report the problem which is a good thing for you. All school districts have anti-bullying policies and I would imagine they all have anti-discrimination policies that cover LGBT as well.

    If the building admin still does not take the situation seriously, go to the district office.

    I am appalled by your mom's response. Boys will be boys is not merely condescending or flippant. To me that is the height of disregard for you as her son,a s an individual who deserves to be treated with respect, as a student who deserves a safe learning environment just like everyone else.

    Situations like this really claw at my closet door, making me feel incredibly frustrated to be sitting here still in hiding while guys like you are being abused.


    So, what to do if the district doesn't take the matter seriously? I don't know where in Wisconsin you are thankfully. If you're near a larger city like Madison, Milwaukee or Green Bay, try contacting the main newspaper's local desk or the local tv stations. Since you're a minor they won't identify you, but they can do a story about the allegations and lack of response. That can put pressure on the district to take action, and it can send a message to these guys their behavior does have consequences.

    I really hope you get the peace you deserve. When you told your friend, whether you asked him to keep it to himself or not, it was not his responsibility to spread the news and out you to the school. It is a reflection of his lack of character and nothing wrong about you. As you said, he is now known as the douchebag he really is and deservedly so.

    Please be careful and take care of yourself. Contact some organizations for support if they're available, as recommended by greatwhale. You do not deserve to be abandoned and thrown to the wolves by the adults in your life like this. Please know there are plenty of people out here that stand behind you and care about you and everyone else who goes through this garbage.

    -Rich
     
  17. nichison

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    To answer the question of where I am, I live in a small town with just over seven hundred people in it. I really have no idea how to push things further if they don't do anything. We don't have a media outlet or anything. The most we have is a county newspaper.
     
  18. Zam

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    This is the reason I do not want to be out in school. This right here.

    Have you tried the "Don't flatter yourself, your ass ain't that nice" kind of comment?
     
  19. nichison

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    It was the first thing that came to my mind, actually.
     
  20. GayDadStr8Marig

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    could you try this tactic? How is your relationship with your mom in general and specifically about being gay? If you have a good relationship and she's been generally accepting since you came out then you're two steps ahead of a lot of guys in your position. See if you can get her to come around about getting you the help you need at school. Sit down and really talk to her, explain what it is like for you on a typical day. Yeah it is embarrassing to share that with her, and it really goes against our nature at that point in our lives to openly admit to anyone we love that we really need their help and understanding, but it could be the only thing to get through to her. Your mom really has no background to understand what it is like being a gay teen boy in high school, so she is falling back to the limited tools she has developed over her lifetime, expecting that using hetero-normative attitudes will somehow be helpful for you.

    If you can't get her to come around to help you, the question becomes whether you're willing to be aggressive in a constructive way and stand up for yourself, or fall back to the past of trying to go along to get along, continue to get bullied and then act out in aggression at school and cause more problems for yourself. Would you be bold enough to seek legal aid, have someone write letter(s) to the school?

    What are your plans after next year? Are you going away to college, is that an option for you? What about other family besides your mom?