Or rather, I need to be an adult. I watch Step Brothers with my husband once. I thought I was going to hate it because, you know, Will Ferrell comedy. I like Will Ferrell. I think he's fucking awesome, and he used to have social anxiety and broke free of it, so he's kind of a role model for me or whatever. Anyway, at one point in the movie near then end, Will Ferrell's character was talking to his therapist and basically asked her how to be an adult. Then I realized that I don't know how to be one either. Seriously, I'm 25, and I have no idea what being grown up even is! Last night when I was hanging with the guys, I ended up talking to one of them about it. He said that there are infinite ways to be an adult. Being an adult means rising to the occasion, though I'm still not sure what he means by that. I think it has something to do with responsibility. But then he told me also that the adults I'm probably comparing myself to all have kids. They have that responsibility, and they have a lot of stuff they have to take care of. However, I never plan on having kids, so I'm not sure I'll ever know what being an adult actually means. Don't get me wrong. I'm married. I've been through a divorce. I have my own car, a steady (-ish) job, and bills that I keep paid. I've been to college twice. I've done a whole lot of shit. I've made a lot of my own decisions. I buy my own clothes, dress myself, and pick out my own hair cut. I have tattoos. I can purchase my own cigarettes, alcohol, vehicle, and lottery tickets. I'm old enough to basically do whatever the fuck I want to do within the boundaries of the law but still young enough that I can physically do these things. However, I don't now what I want to do with my life. I'm fucking terrified of my family's disapproval like I'm a child or something. I'm a hot mess emotionally a lot of the time. I have a hard time committing to things like long-term projects. I'm struggling with a lot of basic general life things like my sexuality and where I see myself in the world. I've never lived alone. So what I'm getting at here is, what am I missing? What else can I do? Am I behind some kind of unspoken "normal person" curve or something? Am I messed up? Any advice would be appreciated. :help:
No such thing as "normal". Each person is different. I was in school as a student til I was 31 and had a grad student stipend but still depended on my parents. Hell I have a great job and car and a relationship and all that but I still have no idea about things and even though I'm in my early thirties I still behave like I'm in college. People online think I'm a teenager. It's all a matter of perception. The point is being an adult is not a matter of age, but of responsibility and the ability to act upon those. You may not always get it right but that's part of the process. Life is complicated, there is no real answer to your query.
You're not alone. I feel like I'm a kid in an adult's body. I really have no advice except have faith that you'll figure it out over time. Yeah, I know, not very helpful, but I doubt there's anything to cx this feeling aside from time. =\
Thanks for that. I kind of had this feeling that I might just be reading too much into it. ---------- Post added 11th Mar 2014 at 06:37 PM ---------- I still appreciate your post. At least I'm not the only one.
When I was a kid i always thought that by the time I was an adult I would have life figured out and would know what I wanted to do with it but at 23 I still feel the same as I did at 15 and don't have a clue what I'm doing or were im going. It's nice to know I'm not the only one
I can soooo relate to this feeling. I'll be 38 this year, but I never cease to be shocked that I'm not actually 15. I truly feel like a young teen on the inside. At my job I can appear like the consummate, confident, adult professional, but this is just a role I slide into when I am on a clock. In my private life, I'm goofy and silly and animated as hell (that is, when I'm not consumed by depression, pessimism, and apathy). I still wonder how a phony like me can make it through every day without being exposed for the prissy Peter Pan I really am.
I can also relate. I'm the same age as you, and I hardly have any responsibilities. I still live with my parents, though I pay them rent. I do my own laundry and buy my own clothes where I can. I have a steady, very good job and I have my own car, and have to pay for fuel myself. I own a horse, who I have to take care of and pay stabling fees. At home we have a dog, a cat and a parrot. I sometimes give them food and clean water (my parents do it most of the time). I'm not married and I don't have kids. Most of my friends I had in school are already married, and have their own kids. It makes me feel... unwanted and like I'm missing out on something. When I was younger, I always said I want to get married when I'm 26. Well, I'm turning 26 in July this year, and there's no sign of anyone special in my life, let alone someone to marry! So yeah, I think I'll only start to feel like an adult once I'm married and have my own family (and obviously living in my own place). I feel immature still, even though I have a few responsibilities. I just don't know how to do things differently. I feel like a failure
I'm already 26 and i also feel young at heart. My sense of responsibility only lies with my pets, job and my partner. We live in a nice house but i still have these days where i play really kiddy app games for more than 18 hours a day lol. I feel that you, me and others around our age are at a stage where we feel stuck in a rut with the redundancy of our daily living. I'm just glad that my family doesn't meddle with any of my affairs. Don't get me wrong, they love me and i love them as well but i haven't seen them in almost a year i think. Time to reconnect with our roots!
An adult is just basically getting serious about your life, mainly because you are in the process of or are having children. Being in the care of children requires some maturity despite what your personality wants, I think this is what matures people the most. Not saying that not having a kid will make you immature, but to me a definition of a responsible adult is someone who makes enough money to support themselves, a spouse and children.
You sound like an adult to me. You don't need to have a kid to have adult responsibilities. I'm 43, married with a 9 yo son. I still mentally feel like I'm 25. I'd rather feel younger than I am than older.
Thanks, guys. It's good to know I'm not the only one. I worry about this quite a bit. I just don't know if there's anything I'm supposed to be doing. It's unsettling, at least for me, because I'm so impatient with myself. But then again, I did just realize in September (or so) that I'm trans and am working on becoming the man I want to be instead of trying to be a woman still. That's helped. I guess I just wish I would have known sooner, then maybe I'd be farther a long? I dunno.
I think that delayed understanding of sexuality or gender identity can make one feel younger emotionally. Like you've missed out on experiencing some things that most people took for granted at a younger age. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just accept who and where you are on your life journey.
