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This evolved into a rant, not a question. No need to read this.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by brokenpoetry, Mar 14, 2014.

  1. brokenpoetry

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    Hello all,
    a few months ago I was in a residential treatment facility due to a history of suicide attempts and self harm (I guess I would have had to tell the community eventually). I was watching the mtv music awards and Macklemore performed the song same love. I had heard the song before, I really liked it too, but suddenly when the line comes in "I can't change even if I tried, even if I wanted to" the tears which I hadn't realized were building up began to flow. I cried silently where I sat, slowly submitting to something I hadn't even realized I had been hiding from. I curled up in a ball and cried for a long time. Crying is somewhat foreign to me. I love it, but it never happens. So, on the rare occasion in which tears begin to flow, I embrace it. Still, this told me that I had been missing something serious about myself, I wasn't comfortable with my sexuality, and I wasn't comfortable with myself. The kind reassurances and hand on my back from my friend made me cry harder. I was suddenly aware of this subtle underlying sense of hatred I felt everyday from other people. I had just assumed people hated me, and I felt it intensely. Wow, what was going to be a question for the community became a rant. I feel that it is inappropriate to post, beyond an lgbt forum, but at the same time it seems wrong not to let what I've written be.

    tl;dr: I began with what was going to be a question and ended up ranting, and it feels wrong not to post it after writing so much
     
  2. BookDragon

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    Thank you for sharing that with us :slight_smile:

    Incidentally, I wanted to point out 2 things. First, you talked about your time in the residential facility and why, and said you guess you would have had to tell us eventually. Please don't think you ever have to share anything you're not comfortable sharing (I am, however, pleased that for whatever reason you trust us enough to do so).

    Second, don't every worry about the things you post from the heart. Everyone, and I mean everyone does it. We all post things that would have made sense as a blog in the hope we will get just one person reading it. :slight_smile:

    Again, thank you for sharing :slight_smile:
     
  3. katwat

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    I am a firm believer in the healing power of a good vent. Sometimes you just need to let all the things bottled up in your head escape before it makes you explode. I do hope you found an outlet for your thoughts somewhere. And I hope you find whatever help you were seeking when you began your post.