So, I haven't cut in a month or so. I mean that's really good. So towards the end of February I had an agreement (in writing) with my significant other that I would stop the self harm and stuff. So I had this exacto knife that I'd use to do my cutting, and she eventually convinced me to get rid of it. So i threw it in the trash. So fast forward to now, I have this school project that involves me cutting cardboard, so I had to get an exacto knife. What do I do with it? Not only do I have an exacto knife again, this one is new, shiny, and super sharp. I mean, it's been months and I am being teased by this.
Remind yourself that it's a tool? And maybe that nearly anything else you may use to solve your problems is a better idea than cutting. Either that or use scissors for your project, which might be less tempting.
Maybe you could store it somewhere where you can get to it, but it takes a lot of effort to get to when you do need it. This way, you are less likely to use it for the wrong reasons.
I could put it on my mom's desk in her junk drawer. So I'd be inadvertently telling everyone when I am using it because I'd have to rummage through a drawer for it, and it'd be obvious. Okay I'll try that.
As you said, put it in an obvious location that would require you to leave your room. This will make you think twice, and make you too uncomfortable to do it. I have experience. Best of luck.
Does your significant other knows that you got another one? If not, i would suggest telling him/her. Does anybody else in your house knows about your problem? Maybe if you tell them about this item they will watch you more. In my opinion, the most important thing is to stay strong and to keep in mind that you can make it without cutting. Just look at the amount of time you have been without doing it! You are so brave! Congratulations! Good luck
But I made a contract I don't want to worry her or I don't want to tell her until I can say "I had to get a knife BUT I have done _____, _____ and _______ to keep myself from harming again".
I understand, that way she won't have to worry and she will trust you more n.n If you have an urge to do it, please reach out. We are here to help you.
Hm, maybe have one of your family members hang on to it, and whenever you ask for it, they have to supervise you until you give it back?
I made a contract I don't want to worry her or I don't want to tell her until I can say "I had to get a knife BUT I have done _____, _____ and _______ to keep myself from harming again" I can appreciate, and even understand the reasons why you entered into this contract with your SO and I can also see it from her perspective as she loves you and wants the very best for you - I don't doubt that for one second... but it's always a worry to me when I hear about people making contracts or agreements to not cut. CharlieHK, please understand, I am not saying this to be critical or unkind in any way, but I don't think it was the right thing to do for either of you. Overtime, the pressure to keep contracts like these can become overwhelming. Self harm (self injury, even) is a coping mechanism that some people need to get through huge life crises and even though it's not a healthy or recommended coping mechanism, by anyone's standards, it is what it is. People need care, support and lots of patience and understanding to come off self harm/self injury. It is quite addictive for some people and that's why there is an inherent danger in agreeing to not self harm with all of the repercussions that go with breaking an agreement. Can I please, please urge people who have relationships with self harm to think very carefully about making any contracts/agreements to just not do it. You need to find a way to move on over the long term, but you might find it impossible to live without it in the short to medium term. Sorry if I sound lecturing. I say it because I really care.
I understand where you are coming from. And there is admittedly a lot of pressure on me since the contract. But I have made it clear that I still have to right to use rubber bands/hair ties as a way to cope. I made the contract more so for me, because when I break a promise I feel worse than before, so I'm less likely to do it behind her back. Also, it gives her the security of mind that I'm not going to do it and she doesn't have to worry. If someone is going to have a sleepless night, it's going to be me. She doesn't need that burden.
