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Promotion and "Flirting"

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by justjade, Mar 16, 2014.

  1. justjade

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    I'm going to start by saying I've been up for a promotion at work for a while, or so a couple of my superiors have told me. I'm kind of wondering, though, if I'm really up for a promotion or if they're just saying I am to hang it over my head when I screw up, even just a little.

    That being said, I've been accused recently of flirting with some of my male coworkers. Yeah, some of them are really cute. One of them in particular is a good friend even though we haven't known each other very long. We goof off at work a lot and make each other laugh. Well, today, our assistant general manager told me I need to stop flirting with him.

    Here's what I don't get: I don't consider what I do to be flirting. He knows I'm married and doesn't seem to be genuinely interested in me as a potential partner. I'm out to him as trans, and I just consider what we do as just being friendly. It also throws me because I actually hit on one of my coworkers with whom I had a short fling during my first marriage, and no one says anything about that. They just laugh.

    So what's the deal? What's happening here? Is this just bullshit workplace politics, or am I missing something? I mean, I know you guys can't actually watch me interact with this guy, but I really don't think I'm flirting. However, it does seem to me that other people are more keen on these things than I am. I just don't know. Maybe they're fucking with me. I really have no way of telling.

    I've realized, too, that since meeting this guy, I no longer care if I get promoted. I'm not in any hurry. I guess I just "dig" him as one of my friends calls it. I enjoy being around him, and we do hang out outside of work, which I guess is something management and crew aren't allowed to do. Crew and crew? OK. Management and management? OK. Management and crew? Nope.

    Anyway, sorry this is so long. Basically, I figure that if I was a cis-male, too, no one would care. I'm not out to my boss, although I am out to some of my coworkers. I don't want to come out to my boss. I don't think there's any reason to, not one that's immediately worthwhile anyway. This is just really confusing.
     
  2. BookDragon

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    I would say it certainly sounds like what you see as 'two guys having a laugh', he says 'woman preventing man from doing work' aka flirting.

    Have you asked this guy if he thinks you're flirting with him?
     
  3. justjade

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    Actually, no. I'm pretty afraid to. I mean, I don't want shit to get weird. I kind of want to say something, but I don't know how to bring it up.
     
  4. BookDragon

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    Considering how much this guy knows about you, the only way it would get weird is if he really DID think you were flirting and was genuinely interested, in which case it's probably better you know about it anyway!

    I mean you don't have to do it like a confrontation or anything, just say to him "Can you believe it, that dick of a boss raked me over the coals for FLIRTING with the guys around here! Like I don't have enough to deal with..."

    See what he says and observe his reaction.
     
  5. justjade

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    Oh! Yeah, I did do that. He just laughed really hard. And then he said that he'd call me Pookie Bear and I'd call him Cuddle Puff for the rest of the shift to piss the manager off. But we had a good laugh about it.

    ---------- Post added 16th Mar 2014 at 07:22 PM ----------

    And I did mention that the manager said the two of us specifically needed to stop flirting.
     
  6. BookDragon

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    Did this manager bother to specify WHY you needed to stop flirting?
     
  7. sharkpool

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    Maybe when you are having a serious conversation with him, you could say something like: hey, the other day i was called out on flirting with you.
    That way either he will laugh or he will tell you that he feels that way too...

    In my personal experience, EVERYBODY at school thinks that I flirt with one of my best friends, which i totally don't do. I don't think he thinks that way either, I believe he sees me as a rock x)
     
  8. justjade

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    Not really. I mean, we still do our jobs. We're a well-oiled machine when we work together. The only thing I can think of is that we laugh kind of loudly sometimes. Maybe she was just in a bad mood. I dunno. Maybe it's some kind of moral thing because she did mention that I'm married and don't need to be "messing around" with him.

    ---------- Post added 16th Mar 2014 at 07:32 PM ----------

    Ah, the serious conversation.... I dunno. Sounds kind of scary. :confused:
     
  9. BookDragon

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    "Maybe it's some kind of moral thing because she did mention that I'm married and don't need to be "messing around" with him."

    That's not really any of her business, now is it.

    It's not like you were banging in the breakroom for crying out loud...
     
  10. justjade

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    As fun as I'm sure that would be, no, we're not. :lol:

    She's probably just moody or whatever.

    Or worse! What if she's worried that I'm not going to get promoted if I keep behaving this way?! :eek:

    Well, even though I don't really care if I'm getting promoted or not, I'm not letting upper management know that. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  11. justjade

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    Quick update: I guess it's OK if I hit on the guy I slept with because they know we're just joking. What the fuck?....

    I asked another manager about my situation with the guy I'm apparently flirting with, and she says to me, "Yeah, that's exactly what that is. It's flirting." I really don't know what to do. I talked to the guy himself, and he just said, "What? We're just friends."

    Yeah, we are just friends. I think people just need to stay out of our business.