Well im just going to say that recently me and my boyfriend have gone back to his place after going out on a date and well we have gotten into the bedroom and started (sorry this is a little awkward for me first time on this site) kissing and everything but then right when were are about to go all the way as in sex obviously i get really nervous and scared and i cant i mean he doesn't pressure me or anything like that and he respects me and my decisions but is it normal to be scared to have sex? any advice or help would be great
Absolutely normal. Don't sweat it. How long have you two been together? and I assume you haven't ever done anything sexual before? Like I said, it's absolutely normal to be very nervous the first time you try to have sex. So nervous that some people can get completely turned off and shut down. This includes straight people. Is your boyfriend understanding of what happened and does he know that you're just nervous, and it's nothing to do with him? Try to explain that, and also that you really want to work on this so that you two can physically love each other. It's just a good idea to make sure he's not worried. As you two interact more in bed: kiss, cuddle, blowjob, handjob, etc., you will most likely build up confidence in yourself. It's tough to expect yourself to be ready for sex when you haven't had much prior experience with it, especially with a new partner who you're still maybe a bit self-conscious around. Give yourself time. Take it slower next time. Breathe, and relax.
We have been together for 3 years now and yea I haven't done anything sexual before but yea I have told him that it's not him and that it's me I just feel bad because I know he will wait for me to get more comfortable but I just feel bad in a sense if you know what I mean
Don't worry, that's how most people feel in this situation. It's kind of embarrassing, but most everyone understands. Don't sweat it. Just work on being more comfortable with him sexually. ^_^
Hi. If you've been together 3 years and are still feeling uncomfortable with sexual activity, it might be worth exploring in more detail what's going on with your feelings and what sorts of fears are coming up. Anything that hasn't resolved in 3 years is probably an indication of some pretty strong feelings that you might need some help talking about in order to resolve. If you feel comfortable doing so, you could discuss it here in-thread or you could also talk to me or one of our other advisor team members and we might be able to give you some suggestions.
Make him wait. You obviously have reasons for preserving your virginity, and if he loves you he'll respect that. ---------- Post added 17th Mar 2014 at 07:54 PM ---------- And its ok to be scared, you're not ready.
I would strongly suggest talking with him about it. Unless there is more you didn't post he is probably really confused and may feel like he is doing something wrong. Just sit down and talk with him about it. Why do you get scared? What is your fear? Etc. I bet he loves you very much and this conversation will only create a stronger and more trusting bond between you two.
