I find this to be a bit of an uncomfortable topic of conversation for me. I suppose it's because I'm ashamed to talk about it or admit to anything but for the past 3 years, I have wondered on and off whether I might have some level of aspergers. I'll explain why in a moment but if anyone else thinks they might have aspergers or has a diagnosis and would be willing to talk to me about it, I would really appreciate your insight. If you don't feel comfortable with posting on here, you can post on my wall or PM me So, the reasons I think I might have aspergers: I have always been very introverted and struggled socially. From about the age of 9 or 10, I started to become a bit of a loner and felt that I was in some way different to the other kids at school. This could have been because I was trans and didn't know it but then surely I would have just been a tomboy and hung out with the boys chasing around the playground? But I wasn't really like one of the boys. I was quiet, withdrawn and extremely sensitive. The slightest telling off would end with me being in tears. I just couldn't seem to keep control over my emotions. I was very anxious too, especially in unfamiliar situations such as staying over at a friend's house and being taken to busy shopping centers packed with people. I was easily overwhelmed by such situations and had fears of things happening like losing my parents in a shop, being locked in the shop if we were there until closing, losing my parents in a car accident, losing my pet rabbits and if we had a freak storm and they got swept away by winds or floods. I literally had endless fears like this about one thing or another. Another thing I have noticed is that I definitely don't have normal levels of empathy for other people. When I've been watching TV with family before and there has been a TV appeal for children suffering from poverty or famine, whereas other people's reactions have been 'Isn't that awful, look at that poor child' or 'I can't bear to see things like this, it makes me cry', you know what my reaction is? Nothing. I'm exactly the same if I'm told someone has died or if something bad has happened in my family. I have no emotion whatsoever. In fact, one time when I was told that one of my old teachers had died, I actually had to stop myself from laughing, not because I found it funny or I was happy about it - I'm not that evil!- but that was my gut reaction. I'm pretty sure that it's not normal to react the way I do when I see human suffering or I'm given some bad news. The only way I can feel empathy for another human being is if they are struggling with something that I have experienced personally. Then I can feel bad for them and I'm sorry for their pain because I can relate and I know some of how they feel but aside from that, I don't seem to care for other humans at all, even my family. I mean I know I care about them on some level but generally, I don't really feel it and I'm not aware of any emotional attachment to them. I know things are difficult for them at the moment while they're coming to terms with me being trans but I think the 'emotional gap' between us is probably mostly my fault because I find it so difficult to allow people to get close to me. I don't give/receive hugs, I never give compliments, I never say 'I love you'. I used to be more affectionate as a very young child but somewhere along the line I decided I wasn't comfortable with any of that. I keep people at a safe distance and push them away because I just can't tolerate any type of relationship with another person. To be honest it scares me because I feel like I don't know what to do so I prefer my own company. I wouldn't say I struggle with understanding sarcasm or jokes as some people with aspergers describe and although I clearly show no empathy, I have never really found that I go around unintentionally upsetting people by the things I say but I do sometimes read things into people's facial expressions, body language or tone of voice which I think means they are angry with me, uninterested in what I'm saying or that they're having a dig at me. Someone can say something to me which I can take as an insult because I'm that sensitive. I don't have rigid routines as such...perhaps I did a little when I was younger...but I would definitely say that because of my anxiety around the unfamiliar, I prefer to do things the way I'm used to. I could go on about other niggling things that make me think I could be aspergers but I think I've said more than enough for now! I look forward to your opinions. Does this sound like aspergers?
Hi.I also have possible Aspergers but do not really fit into the category.I have attempted to find a clear diagnosis for years and years.Unfortunately the more I try to find an answer and the more others try the more vague things become.I suppose the question you have to ask yourself is this: how much of an impact does it have on your life and is it negative most of the time,sometimes,etc.You may well have it,you may not.Who knows maybe you have PDD-NOS or higher functioning Aspergers.Or something else entirely.Does it matter all that much?It used to for me.Big time.But not so much anymore.I now pretty much enjoy the idea of being uncategorized at times,as weird as that may sound.I suppose I can ask you a string of questions such as how literally you take things,etc etc but I feel its not healthy too self-reflect and worry too much.Ask me I would know.So the question you have to ask yourself is how much impact it has on your life,and is it negative.I feel the idea of not being bound by a label can be liberating.Although I do admit that it is not easy. ---------- Post added 18th Mar 2014 at 10:42 AM ---------- If it really bothers you,you can always go for a screening quiz.There is an AQ test online as well.Its just a suggestion.The decision is up to you. ---------- Post added 18th Mar 2014 at 11:02 AM ---------- Just throwing an idea around:is a 100 percent accurate diagnosis even possible?Or is it ultimately a subjective opinion?People might be thinking I am giving the wrong advice.Its up to you to decided whether you follow it or not.Think about the question of impact.In any case that's enough about that.Would like to hear how things progress
Hi aspie musician. Thanks for replying. I have been thinking about getting a formal assessment. I took the online screening test and scored as positive for ASD and so I think it's likely I do have something. Does it really matter to me? In a way yes because it's another thing as well as me being trans that is an obstacle in my life. How much of an impact does it have and is it negative? The answer to that would be that it has a massive impact on my life and yes, it is negative because almost every day at some point, I feel extremely lonely but I can't do anything about it. I am too afraid to try and make friends because a) I'm trans and I worry that people will just see me as a joke b) I feel like I don't know how to c) I'm scared of human relationships and anyone getting close to me d) my anxiety about the unfamiliar keeps me stuck where I feel safe (i.e. alone and indoors). I am also a very rigid thinker so it's hard for me to be ok with things not being categorized which causes me difficulties trying to know who I want to be when my need for categorization tells me I need to be a certain way to be a man. I know that's just not true but I have a difficult time trying to tell my brain that. To be honest I'm not too sure how to look at this new addition to my identity. If it is having a negative impact on my life then it would seem to make sense that I should look for ways to treat the problems it causes me but something tells me that having aspergers is actually not a bad thing because I'm trans. Chances are that I'm never going to have a relationship or have many friends. The fact that I have such problems with human relationships means that I know that I am not capable of friendship or relationships anyway, regardless of my gender identity.
What you describe doesn't sound much like my experience of Asperger's, but it could be something related. In general, we can talk about two kinds of empathy: cognitive and emotive. Cognitive empathy is the ability to recognize when other people are feeling an emotion; emotive is feeling a resonance with someone once you recognize someone else's emotion. In general, those of us on the spectrum tend to lack (or have reduced) cognitive empathy, not emotive. We have difficulty recognizing facial expressions and body language, we're perplexed when people take offense at things that don't bother us personally. But once we realize that someone is feeling an emotion, we generally have the emotive response.
Hi.Firstly I am not saying you are an Aspie,although you may be on the ASD Spectrum(hence my PDD-NOS possibility although I am not a doctor).I still struggle with wanting things in categories and if you feel that it has a negative impact on your life(it has on mine as well more often than I would like to admit) and you would like to know what is going on get some support,then there is nothing wrong with that.As for Aspergers(if it even is that)being a bad thing,of course it is not! Aspies and others on the spectrum just process info in a different way and see the world differently than most.Sometimes instead of looking for what to fight in a disorder we have to figure out what we can embrace for ourselves.Hope you are having an okay day today. ---------- Post added 18th Mar 2014 at 11:08 PM ---------- Hi Mogget-I feel that while your observation may be true for some on the spectrum,there are always exceptions.I am apparently too ''social'' to be an aspie,amongst other things.I understand people's needs for categorizing things and labels are most certainly useful,however I happen to be one of those individuals that do not fit into a specific category.I am sure there are others as well.This is by no means an attack,so please do not view it that way,I just feel that sometimes people attempt to live up while they do not fit in to fit in(my own subjective experience)and now I honestly feel it is OKAY not to have a label.Thats just my opinion though and in the end people should do what is right for them.
Hi Mogget. I don't think I have issues with cognitive empathy and facial expressions or body language. It's more a lack of concern for others. I'm very cold and hard-heated. I don't see myself as someone who has emotional needs and have a hard time understanding that others do. Aspie musician - I am planning to seek professional advice because quite honestly, my need for categorization drives me insane. I can't help wondering if some issues I have with my gender identity aren't connected to this rigid black and white thinking I struggle with.
Black and white thinking.Okay.Interesting.If you feel the need to seek professional advice that is all cool,nothing wrong with that.People have different ways of dealing with stuff so its not a good/bad thing necessarily.It is a brave thing to do though,so I wish you all the best on your journey!Do what is right for you. ---------- Post added 19th Mar 2014 at 05:22 AM ---------- PS Would like to be kept updated as to how things proceed,but only if you feel the need to do that.I leave the decision up to you.
