Okay basically I'm 20, I'm gay (I've known since I was 10) and I have an identical twin brother who is also gay. Even though we've always deep down knew we were both gay we never brought it up and only came out to each other on our 20th birthday (yes, we were that far in the closet). Since then I've came out to my parents (I told them my brother was gay too). They took it so much better than I thought they would! I also came out to my friend at uni (a girl). Nobody suspects either of us to be gay. I've never done anything with a girl but I'm very straight acting whilst my brother has had a string of relationships that went nowhere to act as a smoke screen. We stand out so much for being twins and live in a small town I'm just dreading the reaction that will come if we decide to come out. I don't think I'll be able to show my face down the road. My best friend came out at 17 and was ridiculed by everyone at school (I never joined in but I bit my tongue and never told him I was too. I hate myself for it! :icon_redf When I think of everyone knowing that we're both gay I actually want to kill myself. I've self harmed in the past because of it and my brother has anxiety and is on anti-depressants. I've never interacted sexually with any one so I have no urge to pull/sleep/be in a relationship with another guy. I guess you could say I have a very low sex drive. Is it worth coming out then? I keep reading that its fulfilling, I'll feel so much better and that we'll both be being true to ourselves but I'm honestly ashamed of being gay :icon_sad: I know that I'm probably going to come out the closet at some point but I've put it off for 20 years- should I do it now? Or am I not ready? How did people know that they were ready? The thought of all the questions that we'll be asked and what everyone will think of us being two gay identical twins freaks me out so badly. Plus if my grandparents find out we'll be disowned. I'm so happy to have the support of two amazing parents but I'm worried what my friends will do. Is 20 really old to come out? It feels really old! Will things become better? Will it become easier to be a set of gay twins or will I just have to face my fears? I'm going to counselling at Gay Mens Health but I feel as though its going nowhere. The word 'boyfriend', 'husband' etc makes me cringe. I don't even feel comfortable talking about being gay around my twin brother so how can I act confident/comfortable around others? I'm just in such a mess. I think I'll honestly remain closeted forever
honestly, choosing to be open about things is a very personal decision. Only you can decide when and if you are ready. It's all about you, your happiness and what you are willing to deal with. You need to weigh the pain of hiding versus the pain of ill treatment for yourself. I came out because I had absolutely no choice in the matter, and it was a long tough road. In the end I am happy with things, but I had to go through a lot to get to that point.
You're amazingly lucky you have you parents and brother. The decision to come out is yours, but you should take comfort in the fact that you have parents who support you and a brother who deeply understands what you're feeling.
