I am Gay, not out, straight acting. but because I am gay, i have no interest in girls, no interest in sports and life long depression and insecurity has made me quiet and submissive. I have been fooled by straight guys (thrice) into believing that they like me but in turn all they have done is broken my heart into pieces. i have no faith left in love and i have accepted that relationship is only for straight people. This is true for someone like me who is not from the west (i wish i was born in the US). i don't have a point to make here but a while back i heard the guy who i had crush on and who behaved as if he likes me, laughing at me. i feel so pissed off that i want to either kill him or kill myself. i sometimes feels so helpless that i end up crying. I could get back at them had i been straight. well, i am not straight and sadly the place i live in is pathetic and most backward one can imagine. i feel trapped. there is no one i can share my secret with. i would rather prefer dying than daily mental tortures that i go through. i need someone to talk to :tears: my dream is to go and settle in USA. once i finish my studies, i'll leave this pathetic country of mine. everyone is bad here and only know how to make fun of others but i promise to each one of them that one day it would be me who will laugh at them. by the way, Homosexuality is a criminal offence in my country:bang:
Nothing really to say here but, hang in there bud! I hope you can make it to someplace where you feel more secure and better at some point in your life. Hopefully soon! For now all I can offer is a hug (&&&) Doesn't help much from some stranger in a far away place, but I hope it helps a bit
thanks for the hug. i have read hundreds of people saying online that it gets better. i hope same is true for me as well. the problem with me is that i have reached a point in my life where i have completely accepted myself. I am ready to come out and i want everyone to know i am gay but despite that i can't because its consequences would not be good. this makes my life frustrating and passing every second seems a battle
Hey there, bro There are many happy gay couples in the entire world. I'm not talking about faith in love, i'm talking about real relationships. It is totally possible to be happy without being straight. It really gets better. That may sould cliche, but it is true. This forum is a great place to discover more about yourself and to seek advice. We are here to help. <hug> (*hug*)
So sorry to hear this. I wish there some words I had readily available to help. If homosexuality is criminal in your country, I am assuming there are no support groups, but what about counseling? Do you know if there are gay-affirming counselors to talk with?
yes there is one privately run helpline number. They provide counseling. but what's the use of that? i am not going to come out here and unless i do that, i won't find happiness. but lets just say that once i reach some place which is accepting like America, i will show middle finger to everyone who thinks of me less. I am good at studies and possibly I am going to land myself into an elite job (i am in a very reputed university of this part of the world). i will try finding a job in western countries and settle there. i have one life to live and i just can't waste it in pretending to be someone i am not. I am gay, I am a Man, i hate sports, respect girls but sexually they gross me out, i love pop music, i am emotional, i want a boyfriend who i can marry and grow old with. This is the kind of life i want to live with. I dont want money, big house or big car, all i want is to just be myself. is it too much to ask for?
Go for it! If you're at a university and in a position to travel out and move, you should live your life where you want and in a place that will embrace you entirely (though no place is perfect). You should live where you're able to be happy.
You are not alone buddy. Hang on, we are here. I am in a bit of a similar situation and have been through some bad moments as well. Welcome to EC.
I am going to postgraduate in 2 years. first thing that i'll do once i graduate is to immediately leave this country for good. i know that no place is perfect but i certainly know some places are worst and my happens to be one of them so any place is better than my current location. one thing that really irritates me is that i am good than many straight people around and still i am made to feel like a second class citizen. on top of that i can't do anything about this. once i am in a better position in my life, i will do everything to end this discrimination in my country. ---------- Post added 22nd Mar 2014 at 12:09 AM ---------- Thanks dude! i really appreciate it. my life would be easier had i came out and i do want to come out to everyone because i am very comfortable with my sexuality but i just can't.
Sorry you're stuck in such a dumbass pathetic country. Well come out here to the USA a lot more people r accepting here.
Well my friend ... life is going to prove you wrong one day soon I hope !! It sounds like the advice from others is good, to use your studies/ career to get you to travel and maybe settle in a friendlier place.
I feel the same as you at the moment. I feel locked in and terrified and I will be free when I can be out completely. My stresses would be, in a way, less if I dont have to hide behind anything anymore.
Homosexuality being illegal is just horrible. I know what it's like, it's illegal here too and the attitudes of people are just disgusting sometimes. But there ARE nice people and supportive people everywhere and I think if you found a set of friends who accepted you for who you are it'd help. It really does help, with the stress and it makes you feel wanted. I don't know how exactly you'd go about it but having supportive regular friends would be good. Hang on in there. Good luck
