I kissed a girl for the first time...

I came out when I was very young, and aside from my girlfriend at the time I didn't know anyone else who was gay. I didn't really know how to girls were supposed to be in a relationship.

As far as the reactions from everyone else, they've most likely never seen a gay couple before so they are curious and kind of thrown off by it. The sooner you guys get used to the reactions of other people, the sooner they will realize that the two of you are in a relationship just like anyone else.

 

I come from a very conservative background as well. During my first relationship, I convinced myself that I was straight with one exception (my ex). It's taking me awhile to come to terms with who I really am, but I'm getting there. It's a journey, but it feels so good to really understand who you are.

I only had a couple of friends to talk to but that made a big difference. At least you are here, and reaching out. Best of luck

 

For a long time I was very uncomfortable with the concept of being gay; I went through a phase of purposefully dating boys to try and convince myself I was straight, but alas, it only made it more affirmative.

I can't say about about first relationships, because none of my encounters with women have lead to a full term relationship, but before when I was figuring out my life (which I still am, of course) the physical aspect of the relationship was never something I dwelled about.

Even now, in my head, when I tell people that I am gay I can feel a war waging. One voice is saying, yes you are, these people will support you. The other saying, once you tell people, it means that you believe it yourself.

If you want to talk more, hit me a PM!

 

I can only speak a little bit from personal experience, but I can relate to the whole "oh this is all a phase or a weird dream and I'll wake up soon" kind of feeling.

When I first started coming out to people I hardly knew, they'd ask if I had dated a girl. At the time, I hadn't. The combination of people telling me this and various other thoughts made me seriously doubt and question my sexuality. I'd been so sure of it, then all of the sudden I didn't know anymore. These doubts even lasted up until my first date with another girl. Even after we started dating, my friends didn't believe I wasn't straight, which didn't help.

I'll be honest, my first relationship with a girl really did help though. There had been multiple times where I'd doubted my attraction to girls as a whole, but then I'd be with my girlfriend and completely forget all doubts. We were each other's first kiss, and I regret nothing about it. I get butterflies thinking about it now, and can say "There's no way you're not bi if you feel like this almost a year later."

You just have to get the childhood image of your future out of your head. It took me a long time to tear down those expectations I had set up for myself. I had to take everything I'd envisioned and realize that those things might not happen, but something else equally wonderful could. For example, I always thought my first kiss was going to be with some handsome boy with sparkling teeth on a balcony somewhere, and it was going to be long and romantic. Instead, my first kiss was just a tiny peck on the lips, in the arms of a beautiful girl with curly hair and a smile that's to die for. And it is harder to do this with homosexual relationships as well. You don't expect the reactions people give you, and you have to adjust to them. I've held my girlfriend's hand, hugged her from behind, and sat with her arm around me and such in public, and we've only gotten a few weird looks here and there. If you carry yourself confidently, then people can't help but say nothing and just get over themselves.

I'm not entirely sure if this post will help in any way, shape, or form, but hopefully something from this rant will help you out. You're certainly not alone though.

 

You will get to a point where you realize it's easier to be What comfortable to you instead of worrying about other people's opinion. My first girlfriend people were very wary and it had to be a secret from her dad. I truly believed that I loved her so I was willing to deal with all the societal nonsense. Eventually you will get used to it and so will others. When that happens the awkwardness will die down.