I used to be happy and enjoyed life. I had friends I could confide in. Played sports and was fit, did great in school enjoyed it even, I worked on my art, my music. I've always hidden my true self for the most part and it never bothered me. Then I left for college. Everything was great at first, but things went downhill fast, and I don't understand how it happened. I can't focus on anything anymore, I cant play any of my instruments for more than a couple minutes without stopping and feeling like theres no point. It's gotten harder to hide myself too, and now that some one knows... it doesn't feel any better. I can be myself around her, and yet... It's not like those high school years where great either, no relationships, parents had a whole slew of awful abusive issues, and we were dirt poor. Now that's gone... and I got worse? There used to be a time where I wouldn't breakdown no matter what. Now... I breakdown constantly, and more so since I came out. What do I do?! *sigh* Sorry for the rambling. Now that I'm done.. I don't even know what I want... Also laid here, debating if I should even post this for a good hour or so... might as well.
Dear friend What you said was the worst thing I have ever heard. I would not curse that on anyone. If you think that all it was caused by you coming out then I can say that that's wrong. After all it's what you are. Now get yourself out of the ground and smile big. The world is full of great things and if you stay like that then you're going to miss it Nice meet you -Dex
Hi.Can relate too much of what you have written(not everything but much).I feel however,that we should have a private discussion if you are up to that once I hopefully am a full member.Up to you.Take care.
Hi.Let me give some advice via comment in any case,since this type of thing is really hard to deal with(I hope we manage to talk about it privately but that is up to you).Firstly ''used to be''- you are thinking about the past.It is not that helpful.The potential past and the potential future are not always helpful to focus on.The potential future can be to a small extent but even focussing too much on that can have hegative consequences.I have fallen into these traps myself many times so hope I do not come across as too blunt.You have to focus on accepting the fact that you are in the potential now and that you are a freaking beautiful person JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.For real!Instruments-maybe a more creative approach to practising will help.Be creative and change your approach.Perhaps playing something from a different genre than you usually do can serve as an enjoyable challenge(we sometimes need to do this especially when we are down,although many people may disagree with me).Once having achieved a challenge we tend to feel a bit better about ourselves.Thirdly-do not self-reflect or internalize too much.Learn to externalize more and achieve a balance. Fourthly-do not focus that you got worse.You may be worse in your head but chances are you have grown as a person in some way or another without even realizing it.Later onwards these feelings can be used to your advantage(hence my private message option which you may choose to accept or reject).Fifthly-its a GOOD thing that you are not hiding yourself.Screw what others and yourslef may think/say this is a step in the right direction although it may not seem like it right now.Think about these things and hope to get a response so I can get back to you.Take care.*HUUUUUUGE HUG* ---------- Post added 24th Mar 2014 at 12:28 AM ---------- PS why ''sorry for the rambling''?You should not be sorry!You should feel proud for opening up!Sorry is in my vocabulary waaay too much.Lets cut it out for 21 days as a challenge.It can take as little as three weeks to break a habit. ---------- Post added 24th Mar 2014 at 12:32 AM ---------- Unless you really need to say sorry,do not say it.That is the only rule.Lets do it!Seriously!I am probably not going to be online quite as much over the past few days...but will check in now and then.Just a suggestion!I'm about to attempt it anyway,so if you see me saying the '''s'' word hehe too often then feel free to point it out.Take care.
We often feel like we do not understand ,when subconsciously or deep down we actually do, but in a certain state of mind it is hard to realize it.I do not have that many friends that can offer me advice for instance,which is probably why I self-reflect more than most people.While it has definitely been useful in many ways it has also been detrimental.I hope you allow me to be a friend that will try his best to steer you in the right direction,when it feels like there is no direction.I have to ultimately steer myself in the right direction as well,but am always here to offer support.I find results are most effective when two people are able to motivate each other.In any case,I have commented more than enough,I do not want to appear too pushy.Up to you.
Thanks guys. Made me feel a bit better. As for you Aspie, yes, I'd love to be able to converse privately once we can. Also something that helped me fall asleep last night was watching this video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uaqn5U_-Gww Idk, it might help someone, it might not. Anyways thanks a lot.
As horrible as your past may have been it was what you knew. Maybe your new found freedom is what you are unaccustomed to? Sometimes things get overwhelming and you lose sight of things. I personally have had a lot in my life going on with work, relationships and self discovery (before I joined EC I thought I had myself figured out...). I am curious though after you came out you are still hiding? What do you mean?
