First of all, I wasn't sure if I should put this in the general support/advice or coming out advice section since I'm kind of dealing with two different issues here, so Mods/Admins: feel free to move this thread if you feel it's necessary. That being said, my situation is very long and complicated, and I don't know how to lay it all out neatly, so please just bear with me: I'm currently attending my final semester at a community college. I'm not sure where I'll be going this fall, but I've narrowed it down to two four-year schools, which I'll just refer to as school 1/school 2 for now. My plan for coming out was to move out of my house when I went away to college and then to come out to my immediate family through an email. Now here's where things get complicated: School 1 is an amazing school that has the best program for my chosen major of any school I have come across, and it's out of state, so I'd definitely have the distance I want to send that email to my family. In spite of this, after visiting the campus and learning more about the school, I'm realizing that this school just doesn't teach in a style that suits me well, and I can't really picture myself being happy at that school. School 2...doesn't even offer the major I'm interested in, but it does offer a major with many similarities, and students who choose this major often end up pursuing the career path I want to pursue. Additionally, after visiting this school, I can say that I love the campus, feel like the school would be a good fit for me, and can very easily see myself attending school there. But again, the major I would enroll in isn't exactly what I had in mind. Additionally, this school is local and doesn't have the distance I would want so that I could come out to my family. School 1 is such an amazing school and I feel like I'd be selling myself short if I didn't go there. But again, I'm not sure it's the right fit for me. Also, I feel like a large part of my decision as to where I'm going to go is being influenced by the fact that I want to come out with substantial distance between me and my family, and I wouldn't want to attend school 1, come out, and the feel like I don't have a reason to be there. School 2, while a much better fit for me and a school that, while not exactly what I had in mind, could still get me to where I want to be, just doesn't have the distance I want. And I feel like I'd be a coward and selling myself short for choosing the easier school. And now things get even more complicated: I really wanted to look at more schools and decide for myself what schools to consider...but that didn't happen. My dad did most of the work. I didn't want it to be that way, but I was feeling so suicidal and depressed at the time that the only school I got around to researching was the "school 1" that I mentioned above. My dad just chose local schools that really didn't have anything to do with my major. I think he did this because he wants me stay nearby when I go off to college (he's been hinting at that since last summer). So, yeah, I'm at a complete loss of what to do. I need to make a lot of decisions in a short amount of time, and I just don't know what to do or where to start. If anyone has any advice/feedback I'd appreciate it greatly. Thanks.
You know what would be selling yourself short? Going to a school you hate and then dropping out. Let's think about school 2 for a minute. You say that it doesn't have the major you WANTED but the one it DOES have has a lot of similarities. 1. Is it similar enough to keep you interested? You also said that a lot of people who do that course "end up pursuing the career path I want to pursue". 2. Is this fact enough to keep you interested in a slightly different subject, knowing the goal is still achievable? You said you love the campus and it would be a good fit. 3. Are you more likely to complete a course that is different because you are happy, or a course that is what you wanted even though you don't like the school? You say this school is local, which is a problem because you want to come out. I don't know a lot about why you feel the need for such a big gap between you and your family when coming out, but answer me this. 4. What happens if you are closer to your family when you come out. How do you anticipate they will react?
Yeah, that's true. I wanted the distance between me and my family when coming out because I felt like that would make me the most comfortable and, similar to how some people need to get used to their friends/family members being gay/trans when they come out, I felt like I would need time getting used to being out to them, and I just felt like the space would help me do that. Also, I went through a similar coming out phase about something else a few years back, and after I told my family, being around them was the most awkward thing in the world, I couldn't even look them in the eye. I know my family doesn't have any issues with gays, but I anticipate that telling them will be just as awkward as it was last time, and I felt like being far away would ease the blow somewhat. Anyways, thanks for replying, you gave me a lot of good advice to think about.
