If I were to make an analogy to a fictional character, I would say that I am most like Lenny in Of Mice and Men. (Hope that's not too obscure a reference for everyone.) When I love something, I positively attack it with love, I crush it with love, I smother it with love, passionately, fiercely, intensely. Until I kill it and it crumbles to pieces in my hands. (Of course, I am speaking metaphorically.) Consequently, everything and every one I once loved is now gone to me. (The sole exception is music, haven't yet figured how to kill that.) Anyone else like this?
It is horrible. What do we do about these hearts, so bursting to love? Glad you got the Lenny reference.
It's not always easy to find a good 'middle ground' though. The other extreme is being cold and detached and that's equally negative. I hope most people get a warm vibe from me, but I feel a real coldness inside some days and I have to work hard not to show it to other people. Who knows what is a good 'middle ground'? In relationships with other people, it's very hard to know how to place it just right.. on the one hand you don't want to suffocate them, on the other hand you don't want to freeze them out. All we can try to do is learn from the pain and bitterness of experience, but it's not easy.
K, guess there's only one person who can relate to this. Good, since I'm sure she agrees it's a miserable state of being. Need to enroll in How To Kill Emotions 101...
I'm totally with you! Being a bisexual who only fancies other bisexuals, I keep on falling hard for people who only want something "casual" and scaring them off... It's awful bcos even tho these people are bi, they are so worthy of love! they need and deserve a whole lot more and I would give it to them, If only they would let me!! Grrrrrrr
I seem to do the same thing. Either that, or I panic about crushing them and try backing off and acting slightly colder. However, it seems like when I do that, I get too cold. Basically I constantly swing back and forth between the two because I'm so scared of annoying or losing the person I'm doing this to. The fact that anybody can stand a relationship with me is just... insane.
I fall in love far too quickly and then it becomes a battle with myself as to whether I will "come out" to this person or simply keep trying to bottle the feelings up inside. Unfortunately, I can never maintain the latter for too long without feeling like I am going to explode, so I invariably end up scaring the other person off. I also have this weird ethic where it's hypocritical to feel something and to not also express it, so this also motivates me to spill my guts to the poor victim. (Interestingly, the one time where I was in an odd state of mind so as to not do this, I ended up marrying the girl, lol.) To make another analogy, I feel like the Grinch after his heart grew three sizes. Except there are no Whos for me to love.
