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My boyfriend.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Ineedtoknow, Mar 25, 2014.

  1. Ineedtoknow

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    So I'm a straight female and just trying to understand something before I confront my boyfriend. We joke about him being gay and cheating on me (neither of us has anything against being gay) and he tells me he isn't gay or bisexual. Every now and then though he does watch gay porn, I've seen it in the computer history. He wants me to have anal sex almost everytime we do have sex. I'm just worried that he isn't being completely honest with me and may be interested in men. It just breaks my heart because if we were to break up it would be kind of messy. He did move to another state to be with me so we live together and everything that goes along with that. I've considered marrying this man and having his children, but I need advice. I just don't want to be the one who is keeping him from being who he wants to be.
     
  2. Rachelshhh

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    Gay porn would gross a straight man out, in my opinion. I would look at the number of times he's looked at it. Once or twice could be curiosity. Ten or more times, you should really pay attention to that.

    ---------- Post added 25th Mar 2014 at 04:29 PM ----------

    Anal sex is no indication of sexuality, but gawd do you really want to get it up the arse for the rest of your marriage?
     
  3. BookDragon

    Full Member

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    Consider this.

    For most people in the world, sexuality is understood like this:

    Straight - you like the opposite sex
    Gay - you like the same sex
    Bisexual - you like both (often this is assumed to be a 50/50 split attraction).

    That is how most people seem to view sexuality, as three set-in-stone markers.

    So knowing that, let's consider something. If a man appreciates the male form, enjoys gay porn occasionally but has no desire to have sex with a man, what does he call himself?

    To his best understanding he can't be bisexual because he doesn't want to have sex with a guy, he just likes watching two guys doing it. He clearly isn't gay because he likes girls, and wants to have sex with them. So he must be straight, right?

    But in reality, sexuality isn't that clear cut.

    I, for example, think girls are really pretty and sometimes thing about sex with them. But when I get right down to it, I wonder if I could actually go through with it. I am not 100% convinced I would want a relationship with a girl, unless they were really special, yet I will happily watch lesbian porn.

    Just because you find something attractive doesn't NECESSARILY alter your orientation, it just opens up an option.

    Perhaps your boyfriend IS bisexual, perhaps he just finds gay porn appealing for some reason but has no desire to actually be with a guy. Either way, it would be difficult for you to do anything about it. IF he is, he has to realise that in his own way and in his own time.

    Remember, you're not keeping him from being who he wants to be. You exist and you are there, but you aren't in the way. If you were sitting here saying "I found my boyfriend watching gay porn so I forbid him from ever doing it again, banned him from spending time with men and made him eat me out for 3 hours just to prove he's mine" THEN you could feel bad about 'keeping him from being who he wants to be'. For now, don't worry about it!