Hi everyone. My name is Lucian. I'm 24 this year. I come to a realization that I need help recently. So bear in mind that my story is quite a tricky one and please do not mind my grammar. After some thoughts, I think make my problems into a list that way it will keep my thoughts more organized. So. I'm gay and... To start off... I have literally 0 self esteem 1. I come from a really strict and traditional Asian family. 2. 5 years ago I had a fall out with my family because I've decided to attended church in search of help to with my sexual identity crisis. I had a fall out with my family because they are non christian and Christianity clashes with their own religious believes. 3. I kinda "come out" by explaining to them my reasons for going to church. 4. For the past few years they thought I was "cured". But the truth is... I finally come to accept that I am gay. 5. I left church because they refuse to accept me for who I am. 6. Right now, as the youngest child, I was given the task the take care of my parents. Due to the fact that both my elder siblings lived overseas due to certain reasons. Thus I am literally the only child my parents have. 7. My mom has a really frail body and she falls sick often. 8. I have a really rough relationship with my dad, we often quarrel over many issues. 9. I binge eat when I am stress, thus I gain a tremendous amount of weight due to binge eating over all these stress. 10. I feel that I am self destructing so that people of the world could reject me to make my depression/stress feels more legit. 11. Recently in college, I took a leap of faith and come out to my classmates, some of them are not taking it too well. 12. I feel like wasting my life away and hide in my own shell all the time... I really need help...
Come out off your shell. Be who you want to be. Do what you want to do. But only the clever things Don't believe the people that don't believe in you. That actually don't know you. Know yourself, know what you wanna be. Make a first step in the direction you want to go. Don't give up...go on! A few thoughts.. Maybe it helps you maybe not But when you need to talk, feel free to contact me
I always suggest going to the gym if you're having self esteem issues. You set a goal and then slowly realise it while releasing feel good hormones and increasing self confidence. Have a read of this for inspiration The Iron by Henry Rollins | Oldtime Strongman
You know what helped me the most in life with confidence issues? Karate. If you can defend yourself when someone is threatening you with physical violence then other problems seem small in comparison. In terms of suggesting what to do with your parents I can't really help there. That's something only you can do since you know them. If your classmates are so homophobic and they don't accept you now after telling them something that didn't change who you are then they weren't your friends to begin with. There has to be a group out there for support near you. Stay strong and keep talking to us.
You would probably benefit greatly for some counselling. Have you tried his at all? You have been brought up with some powerful influences around you - sickly parents - strong cultural conflicts all contributing to weight and self esteem issues. I think counselling will help shake out the bad thought cycles, and allow you to stand up confidently for who you are. Things like exercise and controlling your eating issues will follow automatically. While you have low self esteem ruling your life, the eating and lack of exercise could be a constant struggle. And well done for facing up to your issues - some people don't do this for decades - if at all ! That's one reason for feeling good about yourself !!! :eusa_clap
It seems like you might feel better but I have to ask, does your college have a Gay straight alliance or anything like that, I am sure there are some people in your school that feel similar to the way you do. Sometimes having people there for you in real life helps too. I'm speaking from the view point of someone who doesn't have a lot of people like that.
