So, I have this wonderful, amazing friend, who tells me the other day that she doesn't want to be gay anymore and has had this religious transformation (the way she described it sounded like some kind of exorcism!) and god wants her to be straight. As she told me this I was literally dumbfounded. I point blank told her that she just "rocked my universe". She said homosexuality was wrong and she was going to choose to be straight because that is what god wanted for her. I was raised to love people for who they are, to love everyone as a valuable and beautiful human being, but to treasure the wonderful variety that all the people in my life bring into my world. To me, she always seemed confident and strong and sure of herself...I never saw any doubt or questioning in who she was...she had told me she knew she was gay since she was a little girl. She had a wonderful fiancé and they as a couple were just great...they fit together so well. I did know that she is Christian and had some troubles reconciling the bible and her identity, but she seemed to focus on the underlying truths of the bible to give her strength and not on those things that were hurtful. This is definitely an important stage in her life and she is clearly undergoing some significant personal growth, but I have no idea how to support her when I think that this is only going to move her backward. I can't tell her she is wrong though...who am I to do that?, we all have to walk our own paths. But I just can't help but feel like this is ultimately going to force her back into the closet and create more sadness and grief in her life and make it doubly hard for her to come out again. (Because I do believe that is what will happen.) I guess I'd like some feedback on how to navigate this. I could always just make myself scarce, but that feels wrong as a friend and quite frankly, I would just miss not having her around. Does anyone have any thoughts or experience with something like this??? I'm sure I've forgotten to mention some bit and pieces, so ask if there is something you want to know.
Firstly, I think you're a really really good friend to her If she's not too uncomfortable with talking about why she "switched", you could ask her how she overcame her troubles with the bible last time, and what it was that made her go back to those troubles and make a second decision. Usually when you've faced a struggle with your beliefs like that, I think it's a little funny that you should go back like that. I think understanding her reasoning is the first step. You said she had a fiancé. Have you tried talking to her? What does she feel about this whole thing? She might be able to shed some more light on your friend's reasoning.
I think the most affective thing to do in this case would be talking to her and trying to understand why she did this choice. Maybe she just can't bear the difficulties of being gay anymore and is trying to find a "way out", repressing herself to do "the right thing", because it seems easier. Could it be that she has been influenced by other people, like her parents or someone religious and close to her? Also, I suggest you talk to her fiancé too, because she might have some answers. I really hope your friend will understand that repressing herself isn't the right thing to do, because it'll bring only sadness. By the way, she's really lucky to have a good friend like you
