I feel like in any relationship honesty is the best policy. I have been seeing this guy, and I told him that I have herpes. We haven't even had sex yet and I felt like I owed him the truth. So I told him. He said he needed to do research on it first. So he did. He then said that we needed to get to know each other better before we have sexual relations. I was in complete agreement. Next thing I know he has told two of his friends that I have herpes. He gave them my name and everything. He told me he was asking them for advice. I don't know how I feel about this. My family doesn't know, and none of my friends know except for you guys on EC. He went to a free clinic counselor and got tested himself for everything, and he didn't even ask them any kind of advice or anything, so he said. I want him to be able to talk to his friends about anything. I mean they are his friends for a reason. But now I am completely humiliated that my disease is being talked about.
Update: So I talked to him and told him how I feel about it, he said to me "You shouldn't feel humiliated. I didn't think you would be embarrassed over me telling my two friends." I said to him that feeling humiliated and feeling embarrassed are two different things. I said that I am not embarrassed. He said he doesn't understand why I am so upset that he told his friends about me having herpes. Am I wrong to be upset?
Hell no if I had herpes I wouldn't want 2 strangers to know. If I had found that out he told his 2 friends I would've given him a high five to the face. Also sorry u have herpes (*hug*)
I wholly sympathize with you, and definitely understand why you feel humiliated. It sucks that he didn't ask you if you'd care. :/ At the same time though, the past is the past. His friends already know, and being angry won't solve it. Plus - he was absolutely honest with you, and as you said at the start, that's the best policy in a relationship. While his action may not have been the most considerate thing he's ever done, it's not like he was just spreading gossip about you. He was genuinely trying to figure out how he wants to handle his situation, and he needed his friend's help. You probably would've done the same thing, except you would have told us online. To answer your question - No, you're not wrong to be upset, but in my opinion, you shouldn't hold this against him. He reacted like almost anyone would. If he does it again in the future, then you should definitely bring it up, but he didn't know you'd be upset. Just my opinion, but hopefully it helps. Let me know what's up. <3
I understand the humiliation, and the other issue I see is he could have asked your permission before revealing your info to his friends; that was a pretty big boundary blunder. But I also think he was being authentic in saying that he didn't think you'd have an issue, and his relationship with his friends might be such that he's very open and honest with them (which is a good thing.) The thing with herpes is, such a large portion of people have it, it's almost a non-issue among people these days. I realize you have some shame associated with it, but honestly, the worst anyone can say is that perhaps at some point you made a bad judgment about practicing safer sex, and that's something an *awful* lot of people have to cop to. So if you think about it in that regard, it's just a part of who you are. You probably wouldn't be ashamed of having diabetes or arthritis, and I think if you can begin to think about herpes as just being a condition you happen to have instead of some indication that you're somehow less of a person because of it, that might help you become more comfortable with yourself. I will say your boyfriend sounds like he's trying to say and do the right thing. He blew it here, but he also owned that he didn't intend to disrespect you and I think that counts for a lot. You still have the right to be angry for having something shared you didn't want shared, but I think considering the intent makes a difference.
I think what made me more angry is that when he told me that he did that he disregarded my feelings that it made me angry. He didn't apologize. Secondly, he isn't my boyfriend anymore because he decided that it wasn't worth being with someone who has herpes which he told me himself.
I'm sorry, but he sounds like an asshole. It hardly your fault you have an STD... Sure, it's harder to have sexual relations because precautions have to be taken, but if he'd been willing to do that, it would have made your relationship stronger and better overall. I don't mean to be insensitive, but I think it's best that he's ended it - he doesn't deserve you if he's not willing to go the extra mile to make things work.
