Hey, just thought it would be interesting if we all shared some things that bothered us the most about being in the LGBTPA (and more) group. We can commiserate, laugh and cry over it together For me personally, here is my list of top things I hate about living the, as my family calls it, "gay lifestyle"- 1. My family doesn't accept/ fully understand me. This may be the worst part because I feel like if I had their support my life would be so much easier and all the little fears and doubts I have would just melt away. 2. It goes against the identity I grew up with (and maybe still have). In other words, I have always felt like a straight girl and grew up imagining myself as a young, beautiful bride walking alongside a husband and having adorable children in the natural way. In this sense, I would be loved and accepted by my family and society as a whole. I would also be more respected by other people. 3. I am engaged to a woman but sexually attracted to men nearly exclusively. Sucks. 4. I don't particularly like feeling different. And that goes with all of the emotions associated. I hate being looked down on, seen as a freak, pitied, not as good as the straight community, or like some kind of monster trying to demoralize the planet. I don't like the stigma and hate that comes with this. 5. The LGBTAP community has not been historically valued at all. Yes, there are advances for sure but I feel that I cannot relate to anyone. In the media, TV, books, magazines, movies, music- geez, just about everything- is geared towards the straight community and that just isn't fair, man. It makes me feel like I don't belong, even though I know there are millions who feel this way too. It is isolating nonetheless. So that's about it for now. Didn't mean to get negative, just thought it would be good to release some of that pent-up shame and heartache. Now it's your turn- what is the worst part for you?
The worst part for me is my lack of gaydar. As a result I never approach women and assume all, even the most masculine of women, are straight unless they tell me otherwise. Scarlett, you love your fiancé but don't feel sexually attracted to her? Be careful you don't end up married to a friend. Passion is an essential part of a relationship (from what I've read. Lol.).
Oh Miss Scarlett, I do believe that we have identified a big part of your problem... *said in cheesy Southern accent* Have you considered that your desire for being seen as "normal" and being "accepted" might be confounding your sexuality? ---------- Post added 10th Apr 2014 at 06:58 AM ---------- As for me, I think that the worst parts are: 1) Not feeling accepted or understood by many people 2) Feeling pressured to live up to some standard of "manliness" 3) The unknowns - would T be good for me? Would I be attractive as a male? Would I be able to have a less invasive type of top surgery and would the results be good? If I changed my gender marker, would I be harassed when traveling (like, would they be able to tell from the body scan that I didn't have a penis?)? Will I ever find someone to share life with? If I went on T, would my voice sound OK and would I still be able to sing? Stuff like this...
I think for me: 1. People assuming that my orientation had a profound reflection on my personality (which it doesn't because I come across as just a regular guy). 2. The worry of being judged in a negative way (I mean, I can stand up for myself, but why should I have to). 3. Every time I meet someone, I feel like I have a secret. I know I shouldn't feel like this, but I think because of how society is and how it was as I grew up, I can't help it. 4. The thought people won't believe me if I tell them as well as all the biphobia stuff. Hopefully as time goes on these things will disappear as none of them should ever be an issue. Happy days
Wow, An0n, if I wasn't in a long-term relationship, that would bother me too! I have no gay-dar AT ALL! Even the people who are obviously gay/bi I can't read. I usually assume their straight, maybe because I've been programmed to think that way. Gates: Yes I think we have identified it! Those are incredible worries I never thought of before. And the manliness stuff is such bull, I hate how people think they know what being a "real man" is. It must be incredibly hard to have to worry about that and whether or not people think of you as such. Radioactive: I have the feeling of keeping a secret too, every where I go. Sucks because we shouldn't have to keep anything about our sexuality from anyone and yet, because of safety and other people, sometimes it's best to keep quiet when it hurts. I find this to be very true at my job. Wow really good responses!
I recall some people used to use a y shaped stick to seek out water. Been wondering if that works in finding lesbians but even if it did I think they'd be put off by a woman pointing at them with a stick.
1. People suddenly treating me differently/awkwardly after they find out, along with the feeling of lying/hiding it until I do tell. 2. Being told I don't act gay. Well, what is gay, and what is acting like it? Along with other assumptions like what my fiance is supposed to be like. He's not excessively flamboyant either. 3. My family's reaction to it. My mother started crying, my father pointed a gun at me and told me to get out, and by the time I was 30, both of my brothers tried to stab or shoot me. My sisters-in-law don't want me around their kids, so my nephews hate me. I don't think my one and only niece hates me but the last time I saw her was five years ago after my father committed suicide. 4. I hate the under-representation, too. The jewelry commercials drive me up the wall.
Wow Theron that sounds incredibly painful and difficult. You must be so strong to go through all you went through. And I thought my fam took it bad. That is seriously terrible of them and I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that.
1) Not being fully accepted. Even by people in family who say they're accepting, I kinda wonder if they're just humoring me and smiling through what they think's total BS. 2) For months, couldn't cut hair or present even butch. This has gotten loads better but tired of not being fully out of the closet. I want to be able to work openly as male, not have to hide school assignments or things with my name on them or hide around. 3) Lack of public awareness/sympathy for trans issues. Not so much in my area. And for me, lot of it's been benign. But I can't tell you how many times I've talked to people and realized they've never heard of a transman. And even at my school, where I know at least a couple other transguys are taking classes, I've had people working there tell me I'm the first transperson they've ever met. 4) Worrying about safety. I mean, it's not even something I think about all the time but sometimes, if I'm out late enough or I'm having a bad passing day, I worry about being jumped or assaulted or even being another Brandon Teena. Been thinking I'll get pepperspray or something in case things go awry. 5) Being treated differently. I've had this happen when people hear me speak and know I'm not a cismale. I've been looked at like I have 3 heads and I fucking hate it. 6) Dating's a huge concern. I've been told I'm attractive but how many girls/guys are out there lining up to date a transguy? 7) ...and then clothes. All of them fit awkwardly. They're not made to fit a guy like me. ...so yeah.
For me, it is many of the same things others have stated. But if I had to say some of the biggest ones that haven't already been mentioned really would be 1) the fact that I could lose my job, be prevented from promoted, or prevented from hiring based on both my sexuality and gender identity in my state (and many other areas in my country) 2) I am prevented from legal marriage and more importantly to me all the benefits it includes (health insurance for example) 3) I can never find clothes that fit right/look right without being overly masculine or overly feminine 4) Most people assume my sexuality and sometimes gender identity based on the way they perceive me 5) The fear of harm in small-town, rural, hole-in-the-wall bars and neighborhoods 6) Heteronormativity EVERYWHERE
For the most part I actually enjoy being gay but I guess I can come up with a couple: 1) I feel like I lost out on a good portion of my high school and college years by not being true to myself yet--I forgive myself, but still I regret... 2) I feel like for some people being gay marks my life as somehow being more about sex than it actually is. Don't get me wrong--there was a good stretch there where it was probably even more about that than people would assume. But still, if I say I took my wife to the opera this is not a statement about my sex life. However, when I say I went to the opera with my husband somehow it is. As a general rule my husband and I don't have sex at the opera--OK sort of once, but I digress--still there will be people who think, I don't need to hear about your sex life when confronted with the prospect of my husband and I going to the opera. Other than that it's rainbows and unicorns.:icon_wink Oh yeah, and hot man sex.:lol:
