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Differences between (H)OCD and homosexuality

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by pbateman, Apr 10, 2014.

  1. pbateman

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    Alright, I'm asking this to understand what a gay man goes through when they're realising they're gay, partly to help understand my brother, partly to help myself and the effects my brother coming out has had on me. I'm tempted to go back into therapy (I don't want to have to so asking here), but my (diagnosed 8 years ago) OCD is out of control right now - at least I presume it's that - and I know I've made another thread in another part of the forum, but my head is genuinely aching right now over all of this. I've spent the best part of the day researching OCD relating to sexuality worries and fears, and seeing how that parallels against people who are gay. So I just wanna know the differences between a straight male with OCD and a homosexual.

    So, my brother has said when he was around 11-13 he had an experience with a girl but couldn't get up at all, he wasn't attracted to her. He was completely flaccid. He prefers the company of girls, as friends. I guess that's when he realised (unless it's a phase, but I don't think it is). I presume he watches gay porn, since I found some stuff on his Twitter page (even that made me anxious). I haven't really talked to him about it yet, which I should but am still adjusting. Anyway, when I was around his age the slightest touch of a girl would cause me to become erect. From being around aged ten to now, touching girls legs, girls sitting on my lap, kissing me etc. etc. have caused me to become erect. I've kissed girls lying on top of them and ejaculated. I've had handjobs and blowjobs from girls, and I've fingered and licked girls out. I was always erect. I've only ever watched lesbian porn because I've always had a fear/worry/disgust I suppose in watching straight porn because I don't want to be seeing a guy in it. Lesbian sex makes me erect.

    Yet, right now (and I suffered from this four years ago), since my brother has come out I'm constantly researching HOCD, checking things for responses (pictures etc.), going over my past relationships, getting anxious around my friends, having thoughts I can't stop in my head, which in turn are causing a dull ache.

    So yeah. What are the differences between OCD relating to sexuality, and homosexuality?

    Am I just being incredibly irrational due to the fact my brother is gay, or is is something else?

    Many thanks, and apologies for bombarding your forum with questions you've no doubt already had to answer.
     
  2. sam the man

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    Ok. I'll have a go :slight_smile:

    I saw a page on this a while back on brainphysics, so I've dug up that page's comparison of someone with HOCD and a closet case without OCD:

    That offers a (very simplified) comparison of what someone with or without HOCD might say about their attractions. Make of it what you will. The bottom line is that if you're getting gay thoughts and you're not enjoying them or not voluntarily creating them yourself then chances are they don't reflect your true desires. Also if you haven't already, check out paranoidkid. He used to be a regular on here and went through something similar. Haven't heard from him lately, but last time I did he'd pretty much overcome his obsession and was starting to get back on top of his thoughts. Read through some of his posts to get some ideas maybe.

    This is an ingrained thought pattern and so there's only so much I can do to help you get out of it- if it gets too bad a counsellor is an option. I do think you're being irrational, that's the nature of OCD. You know for certain you're attracted to girls, and with guys I think you already know you're not attracted to them in a sexual or romantic way, but rather in a platonic way. Rather than checking to see if you're gay, I think you should rather focus on letting go of the need to find out/ prove you're this or that. That's the root of the problem, so try and get into a mentality where, even if you pretty much know you're straight, it doesn't need to be validated all the time because you can tolerate a little uncertainty and your thinking isn't influenced by other people (except those you're interested in :icon_wink)
     
  3. whatsgoinon

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    As someone going through the same thing I'll give a little insight. First and foremeost if you really have hocd you aren't just paranoid about being gay but a few other things as well. "hocd" is pushed to the forefront because its the "worst" but you really need to sit down and think about the other irrational thoughts you think of throughout the day that you believe.