Do You Owwe Your Parents Anything/Are they Allowed To Be Rude To You

Hi Oceanic00!
I think there are a lot of parents who have that idea of their children taking care of them, when they are older and not able to do so. What's bad about that? After all they are taking care of you too, aren't they? And what do you exactly mean by "mean" ? As they are your parents, they are allowed to do certain things which may seem "mean" but which they do because they care of you But again, I don't know what you meant by "mean".

 

I'm sorry but I don't believe that anyone has a right to be "mean" to anyone else, even if they are your parents. Especially if they're your parents.

 

"Mean" is extremely subjective. What would be some examples of this?

 

"Mean" as in a smart ass playful kind of way or "mean" as in a malicious kind of way? If you meant the first way then parents do that all the time....at least here in the U.S. they do....but if you meant the second way then no....they don't have the right to do that and you might want to think about taking your concerns to someone with some authority.

 

I think adults have to show their kids an example of how to behave and live. In teenage years I think parents have to control their kids but not in controlling way. Parents have to be like friends to their children that kids could tell them everything and would not be afraid to be made fun of. Parents have to give advice to their kids and find the best decision for both child and a parent. And I feel some parents just holds on to their "little ones" too long. I don't want to be rude but in my opinion if you were a terrible parent and you treated child like nothing and you are everything..you can't be mad at that kid who isn't taking care of you now that you are old. It's cycle: parents take care of their children when they are little and kids thanking for love and support taking care of them when they are old. You can't treat people like they are nothing and later expect them to love you. Even if it's their parents. So no, parents have no right to be mean to you.. there could be exceptions but not many.

 

There are different levels of mean, and all of us as teenagers go through phases of self-victimisation (legitimate or not). Your parents might be giving microaggressions, you parents might just need you to do more or had a rough day. Parents, although none inherently deserve reverence, often go through hell to make sure their children are provided for. That doesn't mean that you owe unconditional gratitude, but make sure to think from your parents' perspective (and also think about what you may not know) to understand where they're coming from.

 

I've never understood that kind of mentality. I mean, I will never expect my kids to look after me and I certainly don't think they owe me anything.

At the end of the day, I chose to have kids so if anything, I'd say I owe it to them to provide and be the best parent I can be (although I personally don't rate myself very high in the dad department, but I live them and provide them with everything they need). All I ask in return is they give the same amount of love and appreciation in return.

Happy days

 

Parents have to remember we aren't their slaves, even though they conceived us...

 

But we do owe them some measure of loyalty unless they're abusive.

 

To your first question, sort of. The second, absolutely not. They gave you life, and whether accidentally or on purpose, the inalienable rights that come along with it. They're not allowed to kill you, kidnap/imprison you* or abuse you, among other things.

I say "sort of" because I think good parents deserve good treatment from their kids. If my parents need help with anything at all, I'll do it if I can, because they did everything to make sure I had the best life possible. To a point they still do. So it's less out of obligation to them than gratitude I suppose. If they just stuck it out until 18 and then booted me, I'd feel next to nothing as far as thanks go.

*This only truly applies after we hit the age of majority, because until then our parents have a lot more power to control us and our possessions. But of course I'm not really talking about legal authority hehe.

 

Strict... Sure.
Demanding... Sure.

Degrading or dreams crushing and abusive. Hell no.

Also with the exception of them probably not accepting my gender identity, I do owe my parents a lot.

 

To refer to "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner," no. No, children don't owe their parents anything.

 

I find it ridiculous, when parents say that children should respect them no matter what

 

'Do You Owe Your Parents Anything'

I am grateful for what my mother has done for me, and we have a mutual respect for one another, but I wouldn't say I owe her anything. I am willing to help her out if she needs it, but that's only because I want to, and not because I feel obliged to do so. For example, I lend my mother money, since things are difficult right now, because I have no issue doing that, and I know that I'll get it back.

I'm not sure how I feel about caring for her into old age. I mean, I'd be more than happy to help wherever I can, but I don't think I could ever put my life on hold to care for her 24/7. At the same time though, I'd be worried about leaving her in a home, because I couldn't instill so much trust into a total stranger to look after my mother. There have been some horror stories of abuse and neglect in nursing home.

That's a long way away though, so no need to think about it yet.

'Are they Allowed To Be Rude To You'

Absolutely not. If my mother started demeaning me, then I would tell her upfront to stop being such a bitch. It annoys me when I hear parents demeaning or belittling their children, and they just take it, as if their parents have a divine right to piss on their parade.

Thankfully, she isn't like that. I refuse to talk to certain family members because they have that attitude, and I would have no qualms in doing the same to my mother if she started being horrible or abusive towards me.

Of course, this is all in relation to my mother. I haven't seen my father since I was a little kid, so I owe him absolutely nothing.

 

THIS! I think if a child's parent treats them well as a child then the child will love their parent which may surface into them wanting to care for their parents when they are old. I have a very good relationship with my mother (she does need to let go soon though), but I will jokingly say we are placing in her a retirement home, but that is totally not true. I wouldn't place my mother in one of those because I want her with me and the family. My mom never told me I was going to take care of her, but rather I believe I should because I love her. You cannot force someone to feel or act on something-they have to believe and do it themselves. My mother has helped me sooo much, school, letting me stay home while in college etc. so I would like to help her later on. Oh note, my mother knows I am joking when I say I will place her in one of those. She knows that we will take care of her

 

I would really love to offer an opinion on the issues you're having, but this is still far too vague. Tell us about an actual event or conflict that has happened between you all.

To speak broadly, children to owe their parents some things; however, I feel that everyone owes one another some things. Unless they refuse to reciprocate it to others, everyone deserves respect. Personally, I speak with my mother no differently than I would a woman off of the street because I allot everyone a fair amount of respect unless they give me a reason not to.

Financially, I feel that specifically if a parent has gone above what was essential for you (Helping through college, providing luxuries throughout your childhood), then you do owe them in some sense if they are struggling later in life and you have money to spare. It has nothing to do about them being a parent or the health of your relationship with them; frankly, you could just mail them a check if you despise their presence so deeply. Its just financial courtesy.

Beyond those two factors, nothing. Emotionally, no. Personal desires, wishes, relationships, nothing. I was dealt some very undesirable cards in this department, but my mother has a very well paying job and I lived better materialistically than most as a child and am not stupid enough to reject her support for my education out of spite. If I have the money to spare in the future, I would feel as though I owed her some support for what she has invested in me, but I will never feel a relationship or emotional obligation to her because of the person that she is. My father, on the other hand, I wouldn't gift a pack of skittles.