So, I met this guy a couple of weeks ago. We were both interested in each other and wanted to try a relationship. We made the mistake of hooking which neither of us had the intention of doing. The day after week hooked up we talked about our goals in life. He said he didn't want to be in a relationship since he thinks long term and he doesn't know where he will end up for grad school and he knows I want to move to a different place someday. He said he was sorry for what happened the night before and we agreed to just be friends. Well,I remembered he told me he is in the leadership for the LGBT student org. I asked if he knew any gay people he could introduce me to and he said yes! So this guy pretty much knows every gay guy on campus I met some of these people he thought I would get along with but everyone I try to talk to seems so uninterested in talking to me. It's like its impossible for me to make friends with anybody, I can't even start a conversation. I try to figure out what's wrong with me and I can't ever seem to figure it out. I've had this same problem my whole life. I was really excited to talk to these people, just to find they treat me like a door to door salesmen. They just act polite and try to escape as fast as possible. I feel like other gay guys are constantly judging me on more than just what straight guys would judge a friend on. What am I doing wrong? I felt so lucky to have finally met someone who knows other people who are gay, people I can relate to. Maybe I can't relate to them after all.
I doubt there is anything wrong with you. Some people are just like that. You shouldn't worry about it too much and just keep looking for people who are actually willing to interact with new people. You're not a freak. If those people aren't interested in making new friends than forget them; it's their loss. Depending on where you're at and where you look, good friends can either be hard to come by or in plain sight. It's like a dice throw so you just have to keep looking. I'm sure you'll find good friends as well as much more in time. Just don't give up and keep trying, and stop blaming yourself. The more confident you are; the easier it will be to find what you are looking for and more. Good luck.
People on EC always told me that the best place to make gay friends and potential future boyfriends is at the LGBT center. Since I'm in a big college town, most of the gay guys in town that are around my age are part of the club. I just feel so rejected, like maybe it's my looks or something. I feel like an outsider who will never fit in. I'm losing hope of ever meeting a guy who is into me. Single forever and zero friends, it's pretty much my biggest fear, I hate being alone and the very real possibility of it hurts to think about. It's just hard for me to be happy when I don't really have a social life. I saw a therapist who told me that my depression is likely triggered by me lacking a social life, I tried to fix that and it made the situation worse.
I'm sorry to hear that, but you can't give up. I was once in a similar situation, so I know what it's like to be alone and have no one and to be depressed. It's rarely (if ever) an easy fix, but it's not your fault and you can't let it get you down. It's important to let go of that fear and take everything in stride. Many of the best things in life are also the hardest to obtain, but just because they are hard to obtain, does not make them impossible to obtain. You need to stop blaming yourself for this. I see that as one of the main problems you are having. There is nothing wrong with you. Many people have a hard time making friends but it's not your fault that you are in this situation. You'll find good lasting friends in time as well as much more if you build up you're confidence, don't give up, and stop blaming yourself. Don't let fear hold you back, and don't be tricked into thinking that there is something wrong with you or that you are to blame, because neither are true. Being alone is not a real possibility as long as you don't give up. It may not be easy, but you can get through this. Just build up your confidence and don't blame yourself as well as keep trying.
Being alone isn't my choice, it's out of my hands. Some people never find that someone to be with in life. I rarely had friends growing up. I had a few good ones but they all moved away quickly. It's hard to fix this problem if I don't know why it's happening. It's like people are repelled by me. I'm a friendly upbeat guy, I leaned to fake it until you make it works best for me since I lack confidence- it's always worked for me it the past. There is literally no other gay themed anything within several hundred miles. I thought for sure that this was my time to shine, why else would I just happen to befriend this guy who works for the student org? I thought for sure it would work out this time, and it didn't. I went home heartbroken.
It's only out of your hands if you let be. Those people who never found anyone gave up. If you truly want to find friends and more, then stop making excuses for yourself. Sometimes things seemed destined just to later find out that it didn't work that way. The only thing to do then is to pick yourself up and try again. To every problem there is a solution even if it is hard to find. The easiest path is not always the right path. Just because there are no other gay places around, does not mean you won't run into other gay people or make other friends. It's up to you and you alone if you want to sit around and feel sorry for yourself or keep trying. Don't give up. Do you honestly think that you are the only person out there who has this problem. Stop putting up a front by faking it until you make it and build up that confidence in reality. Don't try to hide who you really are; just be yourself. You control whether or not you eventually find friends. If you give up and let fear and depression consume you, then you will fail and live a life of continued depression, regret, and loneliness. Don't do that to yourself. Some things in life you just have to stand up and fight for. If this is truly what you want then don't stop looking. You'll find it and more eventually but you have to believe in yourself and don't give up. This isn't wishful thinking or just false words to make you feel better. You can do this if you keep at it and don't give up. Stop moping around and keep trying. There's nothing wrong with you, and you're not the only person who has this type of problem. You deserve to have great friends and much more, but you will never achieve that if you give up on it and don't build up real confidence. You can do this, but the choice is up to you and you alone, no divine force or set path, just you.
Good point, I guess I can only keep trying. It's just that from where I'm standing, it doesn't look optimistic, which of course is probably the depression talking. I just feel like I'm not doing something right, like there's a secret that I don't know About. My friends are all married, they must know something I don't lol. Thanks for the advice
Ok - starting on a positive note - I seem to remember you more than once saying that you thought no one could find you attractive - yet apparently someone found you sufficiently attractive to want to get naked with you - So congrats and so much for the 'no one could ever find me attractive' theory. Second, while I agree with ShadowSpirit26 that you shouldn't ever give up, it would also be helpful if you could provide more information as to why you feel that these folks were wanting to get away from you and such. You mention both struggling to start a conversation (on your end) and them 'acting polite and trying to escape as fast as possible' (on their end). What...specifically...is leading you to feel that you are struggling to start a conversation and what...specifically...are they doing that makes you feel they are just wanting to get away from you? Can you describe how one or more of these encounters went down, with commentary on which parts are leading you to these feelings? Thanks! Todd
Friendship isn't always going to click the first time you meet someone. It takes time to get to know someone and let something develop. Being the new person in the group can be challenging in its own right, because it can feel like everyone already has their ties and their connections, so it's not clear where to fit you in. I don't think that's necessarily anything wrong with these people, it's just the dynamics of a big group. Give it some more time before getting too worried.
They just acted as if it was weird that I was trying to talk to them. I'm always terrible at making conversation and the guys I was talking to just acted as if I was wasting their time. I can tell by the tone of their voice and such. I just felt so awkward and awful afterwards. I figured I would ask about their major in college and stuff just to try and start a convo. It's like I'm an outsider and everyone knows each other and would rather talk to each other. It felt like high school all over again. I can't even remember what exactly they said, didnt matter because each ones body language was saying plenty about how they felt.
If you friend introduced you, I would think they would at least say 'hello' if even if they weren't looking to have a long conversation just then. As Agaetis Byrjun says, it's rare for friendships to develop out of a single conversation. Usually it takes lots of repeated contact and getting to know each other and sharing experiences together. Unless the body language in question consisted of them running away screaming, I wouldn't put much stock in that really. Personally, I'm told I constantly look pissed off when really that's just how my face looks naturally. I tend to cultivate looking pleasant and smiley to combat that, so much so that it's basically a habit I don't even think about, but every once in a while I forget or start concentrating on something and then folks are asking me what I'm mad about. Go figure. In any case, I would suggest that you actually push the issue a little bit and see what happens. Specifically, get involved with the campus GSA (should be easy if your friend is a major player in it) and volunteer to help out where you can. You'll probably be paired up with one or more other people and will have an opportunity to get to know each other better within the context of something that gives you a topic of discussion (whatever it is you are volunteering to do). It may take some time, but eventually you will be 'one of the group' and/or you will also have an opportunity to meet other new people as they join the group or check it out to see if they are interested. Some people in the group will get along well with you and probably turn into friends. Some won't. That's life. But if you stick to it and also gain a reputation for being a nice and helpful guy who can be counted on...that almost always pays positive dividends. Todd
