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Compliments

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by BookDragon, Apr 19, 2014.

  1. BookDragon

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    OK so this question comes in two parts and concerns the giving and receiving of compliments.

    I'll start with receiving.

    Now I have pretty low self esteem for almost everything but I can recognize good things about myself and there are a couple of physical features I can say are basically OK.

    I don't receive a lot of compliments about my appearance (and, again, I'm not fishing for any so please don't start!). However occasionally I will be given one, and so help me I don't know what to do with it.

    Part of me genuinely believes that whoever said it is lying...sometimes I think perhaps they are lying to make me feel good, other times I think they might be lying to make me feel good so they can take that from me later. I've got years of bullying to thank for that.

    Point is, now when I hear a compliment about something I don't usually think about I don't know what to do with it. My brain just sort of shuts down and ignores it. It's not just compliments, there are other occasions where my brain just shuts down and I can come off quite rude.

    So basically how the heck do you 'take' a compliment without being weird about it?

    The second part concerns giving compliments.

    As I said before, I have self esteem issues. Specifically, while I know I'm not the ugliest person in the world, I am well aware that I'm not what most people consider to be 'attractive'.

    This has unfortunately led to a situation where I almost don't dare compliment anybody else!

    I guess I just sit there and my mind races and thinks "If you say this, they will think you are into them, and they clearly aren't into you and they will think you are weird!" (again, years of bullying to thank for that).

    Any tips on getting over that stupid fear?
     
  2. twizt

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    I find receiving compliments both flattering and awkward so I can sort of understand what you are saying here. Unfortunately, because of that awkwardness, my responses are often awkward as well. Mostly I say things like "if you say so" or "you need your eyes checked" then just laugh it off and move on. Then sometimes in my less awkward moments I just say "thanks" and change the subject subtly. The teasing/bullying element makes the situation more complex because of that worry of being built up just to be made fun for it later. However, perhaps you should just accept that they are complimenting you and take it in as deep as you trust that person.

    As for giving compliments, people give these to each other all the time - whether they are attracted to a person or not you can recognize attractive features and traits. So I wouldn't worry so much about them thinking you are hitting on them. Just be friendly. That's always the way to go I believe. Who knows, maybe they will interpret your friendliness and flirting and will enjoy it because it seemed so sincere (because it was and not just a way of getting your flirt on).
     
  3. Opheliac

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    I know the awkward feeling of receiving compliments. You don't know what to do or say. I don't know if this is true for anyone else, but this is one of the only situations when saying "thank you" actually sounds sort of arrogant. But saying nothing is considered rude. I can't be of much help here, as I have the same feeling about receiving compliments! Especially from family. It just gets awkward.

    Giving compliments is a different story though. Somehow I can easily do that wholeheartedly and sincerely. If they think what I say is weird then they just avoid me usually :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: which is actually fine by me because if they don't get the essence of what I'm trying to say, behind the strange choice of words, then I don't mind not having them around (once I told a boy that his glasses made him look pretty and he just stared at me and walked away) The thing is, if the other person is also awkward with receiving compliments then it gives you something to relate to and it's actually pretty nice that way.